The Elijah Syndrome

I am suffering from this today. I know I am. So one would think if I knew that I was it would be easy to shake it off. I am trying to.

Elijah Syndrome = Where one experiences a great high in life/ministry, a great break through in ones life.... Where one spends ALL of ones energy that one comes to a screeching halt and spirals down quickly after said high. You spiral down and then you are attacked by the enemy. You down play what has been accomplished, doubt and fear creep in. You just want to curl up and sleep, cry, and eat...possibly all at once. (This is my own definition of course.)

This is me...right now. Just like Elijah ran away and hid when he found out that he was being chased down by Jezebel who was wanting to kill him. After he had killed 400 prophets of Baal and then prophesied and witnessed rain coming after a severe drought, all this among other things. He got depressed, feared, had a pity party and hid. He hid.

Please don't be mistaken for thinking that I am comparing myself to Elijah, to what he accomplished for the Lord. I am just a mere dot compared to him.

"Ahab told his wife Jezebel what Elijah had done and that he had killed the prophets. 2 She
sent a message to Elijah: “You killed my prophets. Now I’m going to kill you! I pray that the gods will punish me even more severely if I don’t do it by this time tomorrow.”

3 Elijah was afraid when he got her message, and he ran to the town of Beersheba in Judah. He left his servant there, 4 then walked another whole day into the desert. Finally, he came to a large bush and sat down in its shade. He begged the Lord, “I’ve had enough. Just let me die! I’m no better off than my ancestors.” 5 Then he lay down in the shade and fell asleep." - 1 King 19:1 - 5

You see, Elijah was spent. Emotionally, Spiritually, Physically (look how far he ran and walked) and Mentally. When you are spent you are very much susceptible to what Leena Tankersley calls 'soul bullies'. And in times like these 'soul bullies' come out to play and have a field day.  They certainly had a field day with Elijah so much so he was hugely afraid of Jezebel, even though he had just accomplished all that he had done for God....he failed to see and to trust the Lord to help him overcome this particular problem. All he wanted to do was curl up and begging the Lord to let him die.

OK so I am not begging God for that....but I am spent. Today we had the Loving Arms 'Walk of Fun' and while it was a great day, and it was certainly fun and we absolutely raised a great amount of money for a worthy cause. I am glad it is over. I have spent hours upon hours, days and days planning and organising this event. Its nearly all I have thought about at night because I can't sleep. It has got me out of my comfort zone having to ask people and businesses to help, to support or to donate. I hated doing that but I did it. I forced me to talk 'bras' with complete strangers (some of them men which was very awkward) and why they were needed. Oh so awkward. I know I certainly haven't pulled this off on my own. I owe a lot to other people doing things for me but its been tough going. I enjoyed the day immensely, I enjoyed seeing people have a great time, people dressing up, people giving, people laughing, people eating. I LOVED seeing the kids come through the finish line like they had run a marathon. I loved watching people mingle with each other and talking. I LOVED giving out spot prizes to people and seeing their excitement over winning something. I am blessed. I AM so proud of our generous community of people that captured my vision and saw the importance of what we were raising money for. I cannot wait to present the amount to our recipients and just knowing that this will help many a new mother makes it all worth it. 

But in all that I am tired. I became very emotional this afternoon and cried. I cry all the time I know this but I cried out of frustration and tiredness. Do you know why? Because I looked in the mirror and saw a fat person, because I know that the scales are showing me unfavorable numbers which means we aren't on talking terms. I felt so defeated and worthless. Now I know I aren't obese or even hugely overweight, I know this. But I can do and be better. My doctor told me that I have had seven children and to give myself a break. But my screeching halt, my attack of the 'soul bullies' came in the form of a full force, all out war against the way I saw myself and how worthless I am because I can't lose the 5kg that I want to. The enemy hit me where he knew I would hurt the most. Talk about rude!  I went from the huge high to a huge low in a matter of hours. Not cool.

But God whispered to me "Elijah Syndrome". These words aren't in the bible anywhere but I knew exactly what He meant. Pray and pray hard. Rest and rest hard. Nurture yourself. Be kind to yourself. So for the next few days I will rest, and nurture myself. I will immerse myself in His Word and surround myself with good people. And I will heal.

I hope that you too will now recognise your 'soul bullies' and recognise when they come out to play. Your may be different to mine. Recognise when they come out to play, recognise their voices, their words and deal with them. You are worth it.

"He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

3 

He restores my soul;" - Ps 23:2-3a

Run Well, Good is Coming

Well...yep this is me...post a 4km run in the mid-afternoon heat. Red faced, majorly sweaty, frown lines made worse because I think I frown the whole time I am running.  I am NOT a runner by nature. I have mentioned that in the past. I would get a "stomach ache" 3 weeks out from the school cross country just so I wouldn't have to take part because I just knew that I would come last...and seriously who likes to come last. Some people glide down the road...I do not glide....think Clydesdale horse crossed with a elephant. I plod. Slowly. Not slowing down and definitely NOT speeding up. I plod the distance and I do not enjoy it. I constantly ask myself "why?" and I know very well why. I do this because its good for me and there are parts of myself I don't appreciate as much as other parts. And in order for me to appreciate them more...they need to shrink. I can't be friends with them so they need to go. So a long with running three times a week I continually put myself, my body through the ringer...in order for me to feel healthy, confident, strong and less stressed.

Today as I was rounding the corner to a L-O-N-G stretch of road that came with a head on wind, cars were rushing by and the heat...Oh my goodness the heat....I seriously thought of giving up, just stopping and walking the rest of the way. No one would need to know ah?  Walking would be a nice treat. And so the internal battle raged within me..."just walk...no keep going....no just walk your legs are so sore and you can't breathe....no keep going, you can do this,  you have done it before.....no just walk already you have done enough exercise this week....no keep going...SERIOUSLY KEEP GOING! "  And that is about when I get really stroppy with myself......Damn it girl if you can birth 6 out of 7 of your children naturally, including a not quite 10lb upside baby boy at home with no drugs you can run the last damn 1km!...Don't you dare stop!"  And then I stop arguing with myself and shut up and just keep going.   The last stretch is ALWAYS the hardest. ALWAYS.

My point here after I have pulled out the whole "if you can give birth" thing on myself....I start thinking about how running for me is like labour and birth. The reward at the end is AMAZING. The adrenaline rush is something else and the feeling like you have and can conquered the world. You feel strong, determine and powerful. But to get to that feeling...you have to work hard, real hard...there is pain and discomfort and you are tired...you have to get your head right and just get on with it. Side note in no way am I suggesting that being in labour or giving birth is like a mere wee 4km run....labour and birth is WAAAAY harder. All I am saying is there are some parallels.

Just as there are some parallels in our journeys and walk with Christ.  I am sure there are many of you out there reading this that are struggling, some even with a capital 'S'. I get it....please know I get it. I have not only been there...I am there. We all have our own personal struggles that most people wouldn't even have the faintest of clue of. You my friend are not alone. We are all struggling alongside one another...struggling with something. No one is immune. In my journey what I have noticed is that the toughest part, the steepest part, the part where you are most out of breath, the most tired, the most sore is near the end. Its where you want to give up, its where you just want to sleep and for the pain to stop....ITS TOUGH GOING. You think you are never going to make it, the part where you think its just not working and that its beaten you. But my friend hear me now....lean in and get this...YOU ARE NEARLY THERE. You can do it, you will do it and you have to do it. You can do this. Draw into yourself, draw into God, draw into His Word and His Strength, draw into those you can trust to be supportive yet truthful, encouraging yet not worried yet will ply you with chocolate or coffee along the way (You need those types of people in your life...find some).   My friend keep running your race well...run it strong, run it determined not to let it beat you, run it knowing that there is good, no... great things at the end. Don't give up...just don't.  This will not beat you, overcome you or crush you. This will be gloriously amazing but even more it will be ultimately for His glory.

You will be better for it. I promise.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day " - 2 Timothy 4:7-8

"The pain that you have been feeling can't compare to the Joy that is coming" - Romans 8:18