Here we are, living on a daily basis on what seems to be the cusp of financial ruin but still living on 'the outer edges of normal'. I couldn't be more scared, more fearful or more exhausted but I also couldn't be more happier and more exhilarated either. Likening our lives to a roller coaster seems so cliché but I struggle to find a better illustration. This ride we are on is the ride of our lives. I laugh now, Jamie and I used to pray that God would use us in incredible ways, we said that we would be people of faith and strength. And its faith and Gods strength that we are deeply drawing on EVERY. SINGLE. MOMENT. OF. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!
I feel I am not ready for this and that some days are just too scary, too big. But knowing that God has it all under control (and the fact that I can ring my bestie and cry to her and she listens and then tell me its all OK) I KNOW with every bone of my body God has us exactly where he wants us. And for that I am thankful. I say I "know" this but at times "feeling" it isn't a happening thing for me. Its in those moments that I draw on the fact that I do "know" it and I draw on the strength of those that know and understand us and where we are and will pray for us like never before.
I feel I am not ready for this and that some days are just too scary, too big. But knowing that God has it all under control (and the fact that I can ring my bestie and cry to her and she listens and then tell me its all OK) I KNOW with every bone of my body God has us exactly where he wants us. And for that I am thankful. I say I "know" this but at times "feeling" it isn't a happening thing for me. Its in those moments that I draw on the fact that I do "know" it and I draw on the strength of those that know and understand us and where we are and will pray for us like never before.
The following is my most favorite of verses EVER. God gave it to me just before I gave birth to Jesse, during a moment when I was tired, emotional and oh so over being pregnant. What I did not know that God was to fulfill every single one of his promises within that verse during Jesse's somewhat tricky but victorious birth and that's a whole other story.
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10
I see how far we have come and what has been accomplished through us. I am excited by it and anxious for more but at the same time feeling "Whoa hold up, let me catch up and breath a bit. Some days I long for normal, for slow and predictability. Surely that time will be here soon. But do I really want that? Will we recognize the miracles and the workings of God as often and to the degree we have been? Will we be this close to God and have that hunger for him if our lives became safe? Do I want to give that up?
I don't think I do.
No dare I say that I think I want this to be our normal, a normal that isn't normal - far from it. I want God to use me and us, to change me and us, to change the world (OK maybe not the entire world but at least have a positive impact on it) I want our lives, our kids lives to be different to those around, to be affected, to have seen God at work in our everyday lives. I want them to have that privilege. I want them to have seen and felt the power God in their lives.
I want them to have experienced the trust, the faith, the love, the providence of God as they journey through their own lives just by living as our family as it answers the call of God and puts him in the center of it all.
I want them to see outside of themselves, of their worlds, to REALLY see others and what the world is for them. I want this for us. but all the while being scared stiff of what that may mean.
I was reflecting a few days ago about a time a few years back, a time that was so incredibly painful for me it still brings tears to my eyes. To a place that had me seriously questioning whether or not God knew what he was doing allowing this to happen. For the life of me I couldn't see ANY good come out of it. It was a crazy crazy time of hurting and loss of friends, good friends. A few days ago I actually thanked God for that time (doesn't make that time any less painful) but I thanked him. Because good, most excellent things have come out of it. It has had amazing opportunities and personal growth that has blossomed into beautiful things all because God allowed that terrible time to happen. Do I still hurt over it? Yes. But I can now recognize that it needed to happen and for that I am thankful.
As it says in Romans 8:28 "All thing work together for good to them who love the Lord who are called according to his purpose"
Oh this rings so true, so true! For if is wasn't for that terrible time I KNOW we wouldn't be where we are today. I truly believe that.
So if you find yourself on some kind of crazy wild God journey, on a journey that you don't know how its going to end up and where its going. Take comfort in knowing that God knows and he only wants the very best for you - that can only ever be a good thing! It might not look like how you think it should or work out how you would of liked but its Gods best for you!
My most favorite photo!
My beautiful family!
I am so blessed.
I don't think I do.
No dare I say that I think I want this to be our normal, a normal that isn't normal - far from it. I want God to use me and us, to change me and us, to change the world (OK maybe not the entire world but at least have a positive impact on it) I want our lives, our kids lives to be different to those around, to be affected, to have seen God at work in our everyday lives. I want them to have that privilege. I want them to have seen and felt the power God in their lives.
I want them to have experienced the trust, the faith, the love, the providence of God as they journey through their own lives just by living as our family as it answers the call of God and puts him in the center of it all.
I want them to see outside of themselves, of their worlds, to REALLY see others and what the world is for them. I want this for us. but all the while being scared stiff of what that may mean.
I was reflecting a few days ago about a time a few years back, a time that was so incredibly painful for me it still brings tears to my eyes. To a place that had me seriously questioning whether or not God knew what he was doing allowing this to happen. For the life of me I couldn't see ANY good come out of it. It was a crazy crazy time of hurting and loss of friends, good friends. A few days ago I actually thanked God for that time (doesn't make that time any less painful) but I thanked him. Because good, most excellent things have come out of it. It has had amazing opportunities and personal growth that has blossomed into beautiful things all because God allowed that terrible time to happen. Do I still hurt over it? Yes. But I can now recognize that it needed to happen and for that I am thankful.
As it says in Romans 8:28 "All thing work together for good to them who love the Lord who are called according to his purpose"
Oh this rings so true, so true! For if is wasn't for that terrible time I KNOW we wouldn't be where we are today. I truly believe that.
So if you find yourself on some kind of crazy wild God journey, on a journey that you don't know how its going to end up and where its going. Take comfort in knowing that God knows and he only wants the very best for you - that can only ever be a good thing! It might not look like how you think it should or work out how you would of liked but its Gods best for you!
My most favorite photo!
My beautiful family!
I am so blessed.
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