My handsome 13 year old!!
A bitter sweet moment, as we all love to watch our children grow but it definitely makes me sad because time does go so fast. Too fast. I know 13 years it not really that long and that their are a huge number of mothers out there who have been mothering a lot longer than I. Not only that, there are probably a huge number of mothers that are far more evolved in their mothering journey than I too. BUT there are lessons that I have learnt over my 13 years that I thought I would share with you, my readers. Shall I share....
1. Parent as it feels right to you. DO NOT parent for anyone else. For far too long I parented my first one, two, three children for other people. Probably because I didn't have a lot of confidence in myself and I was too busy trying to raise perfect children to please others and to make myself look good. Over time I have learnt to trust in myself, trust in my children and go by what my Mama heart feels is right for my children. I wouldn't go as far to say that there isn't a wrong way to parent because I do believe there is a wrong way. But if you honestly have your children's best interests at heart then you are doing great! By all means read the books, listen to the 'experts' and talk to Grandma but YOU make the decisions that are best for YOUR children. YOU know them best!
2. Your children will help you rediscover your sense of wonder! I love watching small children as they discover the world around them. From the leaky hose to the garden full of earthworms, everything is exciting and amazing to them. If you let them they will teach you how to be amazed by and appreciate the very small to the gigantic world around us. This of course may mean you get dirtier and wetter and totally out of your comfort zone than ever before but that can only be good for us can't it!?
3. You will be embarrassed by your children - many many times! Actually I think they are created with the ability to force us to leave our dignity behind. From poo-ing through their nappy AND their clothes AND our clothes in front of the corporate-friend-with-no-kids-who-thinks-they-have-all-the-answers-that-you-haven't-seen-for-ages to biting giant chunks out of a number of deli cheeses forcing you to buy said deli cheeses and vomiting on the carpet and all over you at the doctors surgery to THEY WILL EMBARRASS YOU! Get use to it.......and you will!
4. Children are people too. Yes I think we all know that but do we act like it - I don't know. It really should go without saying really but you will be amazed at how many people don't realize that they aren't extending the same respect to their children as they do to every other adults in the their life. Really in a nutshell we shouldn't really be speaking to and doing to our children that we wouldn't be saying or doing to any other adult. Sadly for some reason that is a really touchy subject for a lot of people to get their head. around and even sadder some people will severely disagree with me.
5. You will find yourself saying the most ridiculous things ever!! Things like"Please get your feet off the cheese" (actually it was damn cheese if I am honest). "Please don't chase your brother with that plank of wood." "Turn the drop saw off, now!!" "Please stop making snowmen out of your mashed potato." "No you cannot buy eggs and sell them out the gate" "You don't need to stab your sister with a pencil" "Get the drawer out of the bath - it is not a boat" and "Stop drinking the tomato sauce!" I could go on and on and on. I have plenty of them. I use to think my children were exceptionally unusual but since realised ALL children are the same.
6. Children's sense of imagination is NEVER-ENDING and will continue to amaze you (and entertain you) but only if you let it. I love hearing my children play games, build stuff, create worlds, and invent characters but with all this imagining going it may mean one thing for you. You are going to have to listen to them even when you can't be bothered. You just might have to stop and listen patiently while they explain the ins and outs of their latest lego creation. Or it may mean you might have to incorporate a pumpkin person into their daily lives. Or sometimes it may mean that you just have to laugh and move on. Tonight Sophie told me that she just couldn't eat her "Mr Meat Pattie" friend that she had created on her dinner plate buy squirting on a smiley face onto her meat pattie. A very clever way of getting out of eating her dinner I thought.
These imaginary friends lasted a good few days before they went back to being....well play doh and pumpkins!
7. You will be cleaning up messes in places that you never thought could possible . From smeared poo to vomit, squished play-doh to hair died in tomato sauce. I have had snot-covered sultanas and sparkly pink beads up noses and chewing gum in hair. Paint and mud covered bodies and sand down pants. You name it I have cleaned it. But no matter how many messes you clean up there is always another one not too far away.
8. As mothers (and as fathers) we are all on the same team - well we should be anyway. We have all embarked on the worlds toughest mission - parenthood. There should be no labels, no us versus them but TEAM US!!! Unfortunately right from the get go we are divided and boxed up into our (often self) given labels. Normal birth vs C-section birth, Hospital birth vs Home birth, Vaccinators vs Non-vaccinators, Breast feeders vs Bottle feeders, Cot-sleepers vs Co-sleepers, Home schoolers vs Mainstream school, again I could go on and on. Coffee groups and friendships have ended over these labels. None of that matters! Well it shouldn't. I know we believe that what we do is the right way to do it and that is why we do it but don't be so arrogant it's definitely not the only way of doing it. We all make the decisions based on what we think is right (hopefully) and that is our right as parents. I really do go out of my way to encourage ALL mothers (and fathers) on this amazing journey of parent-hood no matter what 'box' they may fit into. A little bit of positive encouragement can go along way and we all need that from time to time.
9. You are never alone. NEVER! Unless of course your children are out for the day. Don't try and sneak a chocolate biscuit when you think they are outside because they will walk in and catch you. Making a phone call while the kids are around - near impossible! I have found myself hiding in my bathroom with my foot jammed up against it so whoever is banging on the door can't get it, all while talking on the phone. Going to the toilet alone is no longer a right, its a reward! Little fingers under the door, small eyes as an audience, important questions like "Can I have a biscuit?" or "Can I paint my face?" being fired at you through the door. I'll even admit I have had sad little people sit on my knee while......ok ok too much information!! You will learn the art of having a conversation over and above WWIII, a game of chase, a nerf gun war zone and pre-dinner madness.
10. You will never laugh as hard, cry as much, be as angry, worry as much, lose as much sleep, be as tired. You will never be as proud, as happy, or as fearful. You will never hurt as much, sacrifice as much, and LOVE as much as you do now. You will know the true meaning of unconditional love like never have before. There is nothing that these little blessings will and can do, that would change how much you love them. You will experience such joy and passion just from the smallest things but they will be the biggest things in the world to you. From little arm squeezes around your neck to sweet butterfly kisses on your cheek. From the playful arm punch to the endearing message from your now teenage son. These are the things that matter, that keep us going in all those tough times. Those are things are fuel for our hearts.
What things have you learnt along your journey?
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I love reading about the lives and loves of other people share, it inspires me! Please feel free to leave a comment or share your thoughts because it gives me warm fuzzies and I just love to make new friends! Much love Xx