The Boil of Emotions

Today I cried. I stood at the kitchen sink and looked out my window and cried. My chest was tight, my breathing shallow and the tears flowed. No one had died (thank goodness). The straw that broke the camels back was......wait for it...dirty kitchen windows! The horror.  With a reaction like that one could be forgiven for thinking that they suddenly became dirty from some kind of kitchen disaster or an indoor mud-slinging match (likely to happen around here) but no they have been dirty for a while....a long while.  But for some reason today they screamed at me AHHHHHH I AM DIRTY and YOU HAVEN'T CLEANED ME and the biggest one of all FAILURE! You all should know by now that housework isn't my favourite thing to do and if there is something else to do that's more fun or more pressing like chatting with friends then I'll do that instead.

So  there I was the world threatening to close in on me, standing at the kitchen sink, tears flowing, thinking about all I had to do, the state of my house, the state of the world, the cakes I had to make, the birthday party I had to plan and pull off, the washing I had to wash, hang, get in, fold and put away, the people I needed to contact, the things I needed to sort out, the christmas presents I had to buy, the christmas crafts I needed to make, the rooms I needed to clean AND my dirty kitchen windows! My big boil of emotions had finally burst and it was dirty kitchens windows that did it.

I don't know about you, but my kids are pretty used to seeing me cry for one reason or another. They see me cry and yell "Daaaad Mums crying again!"  I cry over everything, sad stuff, happy stuff, funny stuff, beautiful stuff and anything where the underdog wins and where David defeats Goliath . Oh and I cry at parades too! (apparently that's not so normal)

Jamie, my husband is pretty good and is pretty used to me crying, so he just sat on my bed and listened to me spill out everything that was in my head, everything that needed to come out and probably then some. After I had finished he sits, gives me a cuddle and says "Sorry you feel all that...you don't need to do it all at once.  Then he leaves me for some space and commands the kids NOT to go anywhere near me....Ahhh bless him.  In that time I cleaned my room with the "help" of Jesse and once I had finished I felt so much better....ready to take on the world again. Yep just like that!

Its like everything had built up inside me and the only way for me to feel any better was for all that stuff, (like poison) to come out. Like a boil.  We women folk are like that, I know I am not alone here. We all need a good meltdown from time to time. A time where we get pushed a little too far and then we cry and then we feel better. Perhaps we all should cry earlier or more! I know we aren't suppose to be doing it all, we can't do it all, we don't expect others to do it all so why do we not give ourselves the same grace and ease up on ourselves??  I don't know, do you??

Truth is I don't have it altogether, far from it, far far far far from it.  I'll let you in on a little secret ok.....shhhh come closer.... I don't know what I am doing, in actual fact I have no idea and I am even a little scared. I don't know how this is going to turn out anymore. I am living today, tomorrow maybe even a little into next week and that's about it.  The thing about believing and trusting in God is that I have hope, a hope that God will use ALL of this and make it into something beautiful. That is the promise that I hold on to every single day!

This is what the LORD says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. 11For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. 14I will be found by you,” says the LORD. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”                                                                                                                            Jeremiah 29:10-14 NLT

Post dinner dishes!

PS. When I eventually came out of my room I was reduced to tears AGAIN because Jamie had cleaned my kitchen windows! I love him so much!

Do you know what you are doing?  What gets you through the day to day grind? Do you ever explode?  Are you a "cry-er"??

Operation Groceries

I know many of you will be able to relate to me when I say that I HATE grocery shopping. Yes 'hate' is a very strong word but I use it because I actually HATE grocery shopping. If I could avoid it then I would. Which is why I was more than willing to hand over that task to my husband the moment he started studying because he had the time and actually liked the task. Once upon a time, pre-children I used to enjoy it.  When I had the luxury of time to meander down the aisle, carefully selecting the best looking fruit and vegetable, reading the backs of packets and ferreting out products that I thought would be nice to try.  Back then we had the time and the money to do so.

Not so much now.  Fifteen years, seven children and half the income later trips to the grocery shop has the precision of a well executed military maneuver.  Operation Groceries!!  Hence why I hate it. Like I said earlier its something I willingly let my husband do, but for the last couple of weeks he has been unable to go for us for one reason or another so its been up to me.

The thing with home-schooling is that well the kids are always with me, (I do like that) but at the supermarket well it has the potential to become a disaster story, very fast, with no warning.  However the kids are ALWAYS excited to go shopping. Not only do I have at least have the majority of the kids with me but our shopping lists are organised detailed lists with opt-off options. Opt-off options are things that we can do without if it looks as though the trolley is getting a little too on the expensive side.

Like many of you I have horror stories of shopping with young kids.  Like the time two of my kids bit chunks out of a number of deli cheeses!. Or the time one threw a tantrum and lay on the floor in the middle of the aisle or the time my milk bottle leaked all through the shop and I left a trail leading right to the the checkout or  the time I left Jesse in the pram in the meat department while I carried on shopping with the trolley through a couple of aisle before I realised I was missing the baby or the time my card declined at the check out or the time with I inadvertently bought a number of pottles of liquid chicken stock and mickey mouse plasters after my kids had a competition with each other to see if they could sneak things into the trolley without me noticing.  What was I to do with multiple pottles of chicken stock?  And why chicken stock? They could of made it decent like bars of chocolate! But lately do I dare say that shopping has been almost almost pleasant????? I know! I don't know if I should be saying that out loud.

However almost pleasant shopping was last week, it was not without a horror story of its own.  One that left me racing through the rest of my shopping at an almost illegal pace just to get away from a fellow shopper.  Jesse had decided to be particularly cute and be super excited and point out all the different things he could see. He is nearly three you see and that's what three years do!  Look mama a tractor! Look mama a red car!  You know what I mean.  After turning into the cereal aisle we passed by a lady that was um of larger proportions than your normal everyday lady and she was wearing a very short skirt. Jesse proceeded to bring to my attention "Look Mama - giants legs!"  *gasp in horror* Needless to say I hurried out of the aisle and through the rest of the shopping. I didn't wait to see if she had heard or not, I was too embarrassed.  Perhaps I should of apologised. What could I say though....he is only nearly three!  *sigh! See even the seemingly pleasant shop can be a little traumatic.

Fortunately that was the only incident and I didn't have to use the opt-off options this time. So it was lollipops all round! Yes. Yes I bribe them with lollipops! (last week it was donuts).  And I bribed myself with a sneaky chocolate bar (last week it was a chocolate french pastry- shhhhhh)  I actually did sneak it on to the conveyor belt when they weren't look and ate it while was packing the groceries into the car. You have to do these things when you have young kids that sniff out any amount of seemingly unfairness and chocolate!

Pretty safe to say that Operation Groceries was a mission accomplished with only minimal casualties of war!

                                       

 

But I did have the greatest checkout helpers around. I didn't have to lift a finger!

Do you enjoy or hate grocery shopping?  Do you have to watch your weekly spend and have opt-off options?Do you have horror stories of shopping with kiddies? Have you ever left a child somewhere? Care to share? 

Weekly photo drop.

 

1. The girls have been busy drawing "Family Wood" - people drawn on blocks of wood!  In hopes to sell them at the gate.

2.This is the kind of things that I find in the washing hamper. Cups!

3. Life learning.  Five kittens born in the lounge.

4. Water play and "pooh sticks" at the park

5. Water play at the park. Someone thinks she can climb before she can walk.

6.Brother and sister love.  Decidedly cute photo opportunity involving cats.

Beautiful Crazy

Apparently I am fascinating.  How about that! Really? I always ask. I don't see how or why because I really am normal...well actually I am probably more abnormal because I am pretty sure I do some really weird stuff that no one else does...things like ummmm  smelling books. Does anyone else smell books? Does anyone else reheat their coffee at least 7 times before they actually get to drink it all? Or lose cups of tea around the house because you are never still. My husband tells me I use words that belong in the dark depths of the dictionary in everyday conversations. I miss characters in the books that I finish reading and wonder what they might be doing. I absolutely HAVE to have a glass of water bedside before I can go to sleep at night, its like my security blanket. And I watch people, I LOVE watching people. See I am so weird.

So perhaps I am weirdly abnormal normal.  Maybe that's why I (and my family) are apparently fascinating.

So you may or may not have noticed that my blog has had a bit of a revamp, a change of direction.  I did change the name not because life isn't lovely anymore because it is, but I feel like we are in a different space and new chapter now.  Living Life Lovely (for me) was a time when life was simple, lovely, neat, contained and nice.  A time when life reflected my faith. Nice, neat and tidy. A cookie-cutter faith. It wasn't a bad time but it wasn't deep, it was well.... just lovely.

Looking back we thought we were blessed and doing life right. Loving our kids, loving each other, attending church every week, paying our tithe, smiling and doing all the right things. A just lovely faith, a Sunday faith.

But during that time of Living Life Lovely, somewhere along the way we prayed a prayer of wanting to be used by God, to live a life of faith, a fearless faith. A word to the wise here...God will take you up of that offer and maybe like us it will be through something that will knock you out of the park!

A job loss, a sickness, an injury or a financial hardship, something but what ever it will be it will take your breath away. BUT it is a good thing, it will be a good thing. I promise. And more importantly God promises! And you know what he NEVER breaks his promise.

Ours came through a sudden job loss. I don't  how I got through those first few days and weeks, months but fast forward four years and here we are....living a life, a life of a Beautiful Crazy Faith.

Now life is messy, chaotic, unpredictable, crazy, and unknown BUT its also beautiful, miraculous, faith-filled, amazing, emotional, well...its just the best. Its a life that has given us a wild ride on the lowest of lows and the highest of highs (and no we aren't on drugs). We wouldn't go back. We don't want to go back. Its our Beautiful Crazy Faith!

We are a large family of seven kiddies, a dad and a mum, three cats and four ducks. We home-school. We have a messy linen cupboard, a dishwasher that doesn't wash dishes well. I constantly have washing to fold, sometimes 3-4 days worth. I am certainly not the best housekeeper. I get distracted way too easy. We love, we help, we assist, we encourage and we pray whenever, however and wherever we can.  We have been living on very minimal income for four years now and we are still here. We have our own dreams, visions and promises for our future. So we are on a faith journey, doing what God has called us to do.  Will you join us?

4+ days of washing!

You won't find any tips on organisation a household or family here because I am essentially crap at it. Its "by wing and a prayer" around here!  I don't have any great talent for crafting and art. Nor do I have a fail proof plan for raising children because in my opinion there is none. Love, respect, kindness, fun and food...lots of food. Couple that with large amounts of coffee and copious amounts prayer!!

Seven totally rocking kids!

So there you have it...I want to take you along on our beautiful crazy faith journey.  Join us.

"Then Christ will make his home in your heart as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong......Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."  Eph 3:17, 20