Mother's in Arms

Just taking some time on my bed with a cup of coffee in my favourite cup....to rest for a moment, to reflect on this morning's launch of Mothers in Arms and to take in all the God has done, how far He has brought me personally and the amazing work He is doing in our community.

I am truly both blessed and humbled. I have so many people to thank that helped me pull my vision and today together....you are all truly awesome. God is good....so good.

True Story

Long post ahead.

True story//

A woman who was very unwell sat in the waiting room of the drop-in doctors waiting her turn to see someone. While she was waiting, she noticed a young lady come in with a small children, both of them clearly unwell and clearly needing to be seen by a doctor. Both women exchanged pleasantries while they waited.

The young mother was slightly apprehensive, then after a while she got up and went to the front desk and spoke to the receptionist there. When she came back the young mother said to the other women that she couldn't afford the price of seeing the doctor for herself so she had cancelled her appointment but waited so that her child could be seen.

Ever since I was told that story, I have been thinking about it. It's been haunting me. This is so not right on so many levels. But it's what we do as mothers isn't it? Sacrifice for our children, sacrifice so they can eat, so they can be clothed, so they can have the best that we can give them....really it we wouldn't have it any other way. But still, it shouldn't be this way.....not having access to help that we so clearly need. I know I don't know the details of this woman's life and why we she couldn't afford the fee to see the doctor and get the medical care she needed...BUT I do know that is she couldn't afford the fee there are bound to be other areas that she struggled to afford. I also know that we have no right to judge as to why she was in the position. None at all.

This makes me so sad, so angry. My heart breaks for her and others like her. Probably more so because I too like many others have been in that exact same position at one time or another. You do your best yet it's not enough. Your role as a mother (or a father) is to provide for your children, to love and care for them, to nurture them, to teach them and to equip them. But how can you when you yourself are lacking, when you are sick or in pain and can't get the relief or care you need. Or you just haven't the support you and kindness you need, that you deserve. How can one be expected to nurture our children, our legacy, the next generation well in this state?

What would you have done or said to her? Would you have done something/anything? I know many people would probably say "oh I would have paid for her" But would you have REALLY? REALLY?

I read a saying not long ago

"Are you more concerned with your standard of living than being concerned for another living?" - Francis Chan

This struck me to the core....how often have I been guilty of this? Numerous times...even when we were in a time of abundance and still even now when we certainly aren't. Thoughts of "how much will this cost me?" or "How will I make the food stretch if I give?" or "What if I don't have enough for me and my family?" Sometimes those thoughts win out and I don't act....and then I think about it for days. And yet the times that I do act....there is always enough, we always survive and it always works out. Sure, there is a pinch we feel, or we have to miss out on something but its never major.

I don't know how to fix this problem, but I know that we can't rely on the change of government to fix it. Surely they may help somewhat but it's up to us to do. For we have been commissioned to do this.....this is our role, this is what we must be doing...not just for others sake but for our own also.

One of my favourite passages in the bible is

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. “If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.: Isaiah 58:6-11

I pray for this young mother and others like her. I pray that she will encounter the kindness of strangers, that people will enter her life that will care, will help and will provide. I pray that she has everything she needs so that she can continue to be the best mother to her children that she can be.....will you join me?

Blessings Sharni xx

Life By Faith

 This mornings bible reading slapped me in the face......immediately after some gutting news. Our #lifebyfaith is not easy and at time doesn't make much sense at all and is ridiculously hard. And honestly some days I feel like I want to throw in the towel and do my own thing....because you know....surely I must know better (not!) God and I just had some words well actually I had words....God just listened and then slapped me with this! It's these words that brought me to my knees though....."for he never flinched but held staunchly to his purpose and endured steadfastly as one who gazed on Him Who is invisible. " Heb 11:27b

When Jamie and I prayed and told God we would live a life by faith...saying yes to whatever he asked....we could have never imagined the life we would be living, how hard things would be at times or the storms we would have to weather.....but we would never have known such growth, such intimacy and seen God move in tangible ways. Those are the things I hold on to....that and the deep knowing that God is good, He loves me, He is for me and He wants good things for me. That is how we live a beautiful crazy faith.

Number 8

 Here's to a flexible life plan.....Baby #8 is on its way!

Boy or Girl?

Mumma to the Rescue

I felt to share this as I just spent some time reflecting on how much my views on parenting have change over the years and seven children later. My bookworm son (see previous post) rang me from his upstairs bedroom, sheepishly asking me if I could make him two cheese toasties with a side of Aoili and chutney.... why...because he was too comfy and too engrossed in his book to leave it.

My first thought was....um no... I am not sitting here twiddling my thumbs you know, and I have just cleaned up the kitchen....but the more I thought about it...the more I thought ...yes yes I will. My son the one who helps me out whenever I ask, the one who takes the little people for a walk for ice cream, and more importantly the one who I love dearly and gives me the biggest hugs ever. Of course I will do that for him. Yes, he is quite capable of coming downstairs and making it himself, but I still remember not wanting to leave my bed and book because it was that good.

So here it is.... cooked, delivered and served, all because I love him and I am so thankful I get to be his mama!

Just One More

Reason #363 I love homeschooling. Interrupted blocks of time to do the things they love and that completely absorbs them. Ahhhh my son after my own heart....I remember the days where I would get so lost in a book that hours and hours would past....it was always "just one more chapter!".

I won't see him much today.

A man after my own heart

A Night to Remember

Last night will be forever etched in my memory! There is very little that can compare to watching your children choose to make a public declaration to follow Christ by getting baptised (by their dad none the less). Tears flowed freely as five out of seven of our kids made that awesome and heart felt decision last night.

Jamie and I have purposely not made a thing or pressurised our kids into making that decision...we purposely left it so that they would come to that decision on their own. Once they began to express an interest in water baptism we have talked with them to make sure they knew what they were doing and why they were doing it.

It was such a privilege to have family members, friends that are like family and church family there with us for the occasion but also knowing that many many more that were unable to be there were in prayer and supporting my kids from a far.

We are truly blessed. xxx

A Bunch of Budds

Helping Hands

Busy in her work helping me make pumpkin soup this morning. Seeing as I am away this weekend, I thought I better leave them at least a backup meal. Yes, it's always quicker to do these things by myself.... but that's how they learn best...it's called life learning.

Plus, I get to hang out with her in all her cuteness.

Frankie's such a good helper

Time for some self-care

It's been an afternoon of self-care for me.... which for me meant coffee, my electric blanket and good wholesome bingeing on Netflix. There actually isn't very many TV shows I can stomach watching but I found this recently and it's just what I need to relax and not have my brain think of anything else. I have been battling tonsillitis AGAIN...the third time this year!

We all talk about self-care and we all encourage each other to take some time out to look after ourselves, but do we actually do it. I have some actually tell me they believe it's being self-centred..NOOOOOOO! Its imperative to our health.... mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. I was actually meant to be elsewhere this afternoon celebrating a first birthday, but an unwell kiddie made me stay home while the rest of my family went. He is resting and so I thought I would do the same.

After three episodes of When Calls the Heart I felt it was time to put on good worship music and start dinner. It feels good to have had that time to just sit...and not be running around constantly doing something.

What have you done for you?

They Grow Up So Fast

 This guy!! My first baby on his first day of school.... *sigh. Where have the years gone? Today we saw him off on his first day of his first 'real grown up' job! OH how my mama heart cried...all of a sudden, I felt that I wasn't ready for this.... just that one step closer to independence. They say, "the days are long, but the years are short" and its sooooo true, so true. I am ever so proud of him and love him dearly...and I pray that this opportunity will see him through to where he wants to go

Casey's 1st Day at School

Super Proud Mama

Took this beautiful and brave ten old to her first ever audition...The Christmas Carol. I think I was more nervous than she was. She did soooo well and I am very proud of her for being so brave for putting herself out there to do hard things. Praying that she gets a positive outcome!

Something Special

Little words can explain last nights church service. I pretty much bawled my eyes the whole way through it (again). Here is my husbands little sister who has Down Syndrome, Autism, and is non-verbal getting baptised by her big brother (my husband) and Ps Phil. Even though she doesn't talk she spoke clearly into the mic "Sarah loves Jesus" for all to hear. She is seen here with her hand on her heart and eyes closed. And by golly was she so happy!!!!

She along with many others were healed, baptised or received salvation...God is good, so good. He is doing something wonderful.

Dynamic Duo

I think they might call this a 'latergram'. And please excuse the terrible lighting. We just finished preaching our first message together last night....tag team style. What a privilege! It was so much fun! We decided to celebrate and mark the occasion with pizza.

It's made me so thankful that we are on this 'beautiful crazy faith' journey together with our crazy amazing family. (Which by the way were fighting in the back non-stop when I took this photo outside the pizza shop...you could hear them from outside the car!) I love this man with every ounce of my being. Life is good.

God is AMAZING!

Our Homeschool Journey

I am always up for a writing challenge, especially when I am given a subject to write about.....hence this is why I am writing about our family's journey of homeschooling.  I should really write a disclaimer here because I really want people to know that this is OUR journey and ours only. You will never find two families that home school the same way and nor should they as this is the beauty of homeschooling...you get to do what you think is best for your kids, help them learn in the way that is best for them and create a lifestyle for your family.

Our family looks very different to the next, we have different needs and have different interests. I am also not saying that this is for everyone because its not. Nor am I saying that I am anti-education or anti-anyone that sends their kids to school. I am simply say we have chosen the path that is right for us.

I had never heard of home schooling until I met my mother-in-law. I came from your normal everyday family, went to school when I was five and finished at the age of 18 with a 'B' Bursary and went of to complete a Bachelor of Nursing in the three years following high school.  (Looking back now and knowing what I know now I would have LOVED to have been homeschooled.) When I met my husband I obviously met my in-laws who were home schooling their kids at the time.  Honestly I thought they were nuts. Actually I distinctly remember thinking "Who would ruin their kids education by keeping them at home!"   Fast forward to having children of our own and building our own philosophy around children, birth and family life I began to be drawn to the concept.  We did however send our first child, then second and third to school.  It wasn't until our third child was five and a half that we felt that homeschooling was where we were being led to.  After talking with a squillion home school families I gingerly applied for exemptions from the Ministry of Education and began the long wait. They were granted for all three just in time for the beginning of the school year. And so our home school journey officially begun with my children being 9, 7, 5 along with a 3 and 18mth old. I will be honest....all of a sudden it felt incredibly over whelming.

I should note in here that our decision to head this way (for us) seemed like a natural extension of our parenting style. It was NOTHING to do with the school in fact the boys were attending a  great local integrated Christian school. This was entirely about our family. When I try to explain this to people I usually end up with "Our family felt so different, functioned better during the school holidays and weekend than we did in the school term".


One of the biggest mistakes I made was trying to bring 'school' into the home. I became the teacher not the mother and I failed miserably. The boys responding unfavorably and I remember feeling really discouraged and like I had failed in the first few weeks. I soon recognised about what I was doing and stopped all traditional school work for a time (this is a term that homeschoolers refer to as de-schooling). My two oldest had been in school long enough to groan at the mention of any bookwork so instead we played games, did activities, baked, cooked, gardened and went on outings. Generally hung out on "purpose" and enjoyed being a family.

So what do we actually do?  Thinking about what we do now, a whole  6 years later we have definitely formed our own way of doing things after having change tack a number of times along the way to suit the season we are in and what is going on in our family life.  We have had to make allowances for sickness, a surgery, 2 more babies, a job loss, pro-longed unemployment, study and moving in that time. I think those times were both made harder and easier by the fact that we were home schooling but one thing definitely made a difference for our kids was the stability that being at home.

We use a mixture of concepts for our way of home schooling.  We use the NZ curriculum for Maths and English, gleaned ideas from the science curriculum. Use unit studies i.e like the moon, caves, earthquakes etc and feather out each topic until the kids lose interest or it starts to go in another direction.  For example when we did the moon we did moon poems, what the moon is made up of, moon art, learnt about the man on the moon, dabbled into space and space travel, what part does the moon play in our lives and so on.

Kids bake goodies and sold them at the gate. I really had to get over the embarrassment factor when they did this. They made over $30 that day!

We have also often used books as a base to learn from.  One that comes to mind was a book called "The Rag Coat" by Lauren Mills. From this we learnt about quilting and had a go at it, looked at coal, coal mining and its history in NZ.  We looked at the Appalachian Mountains and its people. We looked at the effects of poverty and how people can help others in the smallest way.

When we started I was petrified about having to teach the kids how to read. Seeing I am not a teacher in the traditional sense but I think we are doing ok with it.  I am aware my ten year old is probably on the same level as her 8 year old sister but she is slowing improving. In fact she isn't all the keen on traditional book work and would much rather do art, create, bake and cook and do gymnastics. The library has a great selections of readers for kids so we are never short of books for them to learn from.

Opportunities for experiences and education present themselves everywhere...even on holiday!

My 16 year old is just recently stopped home schooling under my supervision and has enrolled with Te Kura which is the national correspondence school.  His goal is that next year he will enrol with BCITO (Building and Carpentry Industry Training Organisation) to start his apprenticeship, so for now he is just making sure there are no gaps in his English and Maths. Being schooled at home certainly gives him the time to be available for different work experiences inside traditional school hours. I am not sure yet where my 14 year old will head yet.....for now I think he would be quite happy being a food critic. Where he can make money from eating food and telling people about it.  He is such a foodie!

Winter Art - gotta love Pinterest!

One of the things that has helped me the most is to know the love languages of each of the kids and also how they learn best. I would be lost at how to reach them if I didn't know these things about each of them, plus it also helps me be a better parent.

My little ones (4 and 2) hang around and do their own thing while we are doing 'school'. I use the word school loosely as learning is happening all the time, all day every day. Yes we have formal book work time but its for such a short period of time. The littlies paint, do play doh, help who ever is baking or just play with their toys. Often one of the big kids will take them for a walk to town if I send them on an errand that's needed to be done. If they are actually bored and getting into things I'll run them a bath!

Hatching ducklings was one of the coolest thing we have done!

The biggest concerns that people have it whether or not their kids will be social enough....I just need to say that my kids are VERY social. They are not stuck at home with no friends by any means. they play soccer (my 16 year old plays for the local college team even), they go to youth group, rally, gymnastics, choir etc. They go to movies, the gym with their friends, have sleep overs and go to birthday parties.  I don't think they have missed out on much by being schooled at home. They can interact with other cultures, ages and people groups well just by going to church, at the supermarket or just generally coming along with us if we are out and about. I run a not-for-profit community organisation that helps out new mums in need. They have been with me and watch it grow from the small beginnings to where it is now, a very busy and much needed organisation. They have helped cooked meals for mums, delivered meals, and bundles of clothes, helped sort and fold clothes that have been donated and been a part of the organisation of two fundraising fun walks.

Don't underestimate Google or YouTube either....while we need to tread with caution, they are both a world of information and learning. One of my kids taught himself how to skin a rabbit just by watching YouTube clips. He set the tablet up outside and played and paused the video clip as he was skinning the rabbit that he shot. To me thats priceless!

Sleeping outside under a tarp one summers night - even Dad was there!

Do I get it right all the time?  Definitely not! I have tried to introduce unit studies or concepts of interest and its failed miserably. I could battle with my 12 year old about English nearly every day if I wasn't carefully. My kids still fight with each other and still moan about jobs and things that are less than desirable. We disagree with how much technology they should be allowed and getting my bigger kids out of bed in the mornings is always a challenge. We still have the struggles that most families have to some degree...we are not the Brady Bunch or the family from the Sound of Music. My kids are just normal kids, they act like normal kids and they certainly look like normal kids. They aren't immune to fads either....half of them have a fidget spinner! I do not know everything. I have weaknesses including grammar (if you haven't noticed) but I have made Google, YouTube, Pinterest, Instagram and Blogs my friend for inspiration, encouragement and ideas.

Finding different natural dyes and trying them out...tumeric works best.

Some of the challenges would be having to be really proactive at making space for me. Being around ones kids 24/7 can be tough some weeks.  People asking me what year they are in because I really don't know. It takes me a good few minutes to think about it. Strangers giving me their opinion about the choice I have made.  And for us...the prolonged period of unemployment after a sudden job loss. We lived on the benefit and then student loan for nearly four years. But because we held onto our choice to home educate our kids we sacrifice and worked hard to keep our lifestyle in which we successfully made it through. Also moving from the country where we had space (and no neighbors) to living in town and with five neighbors!  Its been an adjustment for us all including the lowering of the kids noise and the learning of  'inside voices and outside in town voices'. The adjustment of having very little outside space has been a challenge too.

Kaitlyn then four wanting to make a 'Bumble bee pie' after reading about one in a book. Fortunately there is such thing as a Bumble Pie

There is much much more I could write here....but I hope this is enough for you to gain some insight into a home schooling family and 'how it is done' and maybe even some idea about why families choose to do it.  Like I said its not for everyone but its for us. I hope this doesn't read like its too glamorous because at times its jolly hard work. Some days I think I need my head read.  There is a lot of planning and you have to be open to saying 'yes' more and going where your kids are leading you. I have to make friends with mess and chaos at times because reality is that there is 9 of us living in this house. But I look at my kids and the relationship they have with us and with each other  and I know that it is certainly the best decision we have ever made.

This photo is nearly two years old now...we don't even live in this house anymore! Really should get another family portrait done soon.

Anything

Well here we are....June. Very nearly half way through the year. I didn't know if I would be back at writing...actaully I still don't know if I am. But right now my heart is burning and my fingers are itching. I have something to say. To you, to God maybe even to myself.

Many of you know our journey over the past five and a half years, it hasn't been an easy one nor very glamorous. I don't know anyone that would think having 35c in your bank account is very glamourous.

 Five and a half years our lives change in an instant but our journey started long before that. It started when together we prayed an "Anything" prayer. Together Jamie and I prayed one of those totally "you must be crazy" kind of prayers and offered up our lives to God to do with what he pleased. He says and we do.  We did not want to keep living a normal faith kind of life but we wanted to lead a life by faith in a God so powerful, so tremendous, so all-encompassing, so mind-blowing, so loving, so magnificent. Thus our "beautiful crazy faith" life was born. For our children it meant they were in for the ride as well.

Fast forward to now and what a ride its been. I have just finished reading a book called "Anything" by Jennie Allen who too along with her family prayed an 'Anything' prayer.  Every single thought, feeling, fear, worry high and low that she shared I could resonate with so deeply. She and I could be friends, good friends.

These years have seen some all time lows, some deep dark valleys that I wondered how we would get back up from.  We have experienced some exhilarating highs that are beyond words and seen God move in such miraculous ways like we had never seen before. We have been stretched WAY out of our comfort zone and have been used by God in extraordinary ways.  I have never felt such love and intimacy with God nor have I ever felt such confusion and sorrow within that.

The question remains...Is it worth it? My answer...A definite YES! Has is been easy? No way, in fact its been the hardest years we have faced but they have been the best years also. We have grown so much but we also have been shown that we understand little about our Almighty God.  Writing such lines so truthful as these does cause me to wonder if I am selling a 'beautiful crazy faith' to anyone. Perhaps you who are reading leave thinking "um yay for you but no thanks...that sounds way too hard"   I am sorry as thats not my intention but I am not about to paint a all round rosy picture when it hasn't been.

Truthfully lately it has been hard, ridiculously hard....I can do nothing but to press into my Saviour and praise Him, for He is good. I certainly don't understand His ways but I love Him and trust in Him will all of my being. And I keep on going.

"For My thought are not your thoughts. Nor your way My ways" declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are MY ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts" -  Isaiah 55:9

Many a songs are on my play list at the moment and I have numerous of favourites (can they all be favourites? )  But I found a life motto inside one of them.....Six words that basically sum up my heart, spirit, soul and what our life by faith is all about.

Someone has to do it!

 I don't usually post the same things on my personal IG as my ministry one but today I thought I would seeing as it is a huge part of my own "beautifulcrazyfaith". Everyday I marvel at where we are and the amazing miraculous things that have happened along the way. If you want to follow along check us out @loving_arms_nz

"Industrious morning here doing things that are far less fun for me, that being administration stuff. Here I find myself writing a bi-monthly report of all things! Never in a squillon years did I ever imagine Loving Arms being here.....what a journey! Even though I don't enjoy this kind of thing at all (give me people any day) it is incredibly interesting taking a look at our stats for the months of April/May....plus coffee in my favourite mug makes it better too.

As much as I have to fight with myself to get this done I am incredibly grateful for being a part of the Rosetown Community Services Trust and the support and expertise that is available to us."

Lost in his own little world

I love this photo! Lost in his own world of cutting and glueing for no other reason but he wants to cut and glue. Yes he is sitting on the table and yes there is crumbs on it from last night's dinner and yes he has no shirt on even though it's a horrible wet wintry day. I sat and enjoyed a hot cup of coffee and just watched him....not speaking to one another but just hanging out being near. Together.

I feel so burdened by all the hatred and just terrible things in our world of recent times. From here in our own community to the world stage...my heart hurts. Oh how it must grieve our Father's heart! One can only find comfort in Him and His Word.

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

Jobs Can Wait!

 Eek....New book! Delving into this beauty that I received for my birthday from a dear friend. It's already a goodie.

I could be doing other much needed doing tasks right now

like cleaning my kitchen uh-em @thewhitefarmhouseblog

but after a not-so-great morning I am choosing to sit down with a coffee in my favourite mug and immerse myself in nourishing and inspiring words. She speaks my language.

What are you doing today?

Taking a Break

Every now and then something beautiful catches my eye which I just have to photograph. This is one such thing. I just love the colours of rosemary...the dark green, the silvery white and the earthy brown. This sitting on my window sill this morning just caught the most amazing light....and it was just so simple and beautiful. There is not enough of that in my world....I need to work to create it more or seek it out. 

You may or may not have noticed but I am taking a break from blogging at the moment. I recognise in myself that I need to create space for me. While that may come across as selfish I don't believe it is. EVERY SINGLE thing I have been doing in my life is for someone else.....and somehow I feel like I lost my way.....and inside I had been feeling chaos and definitely not God's peace. Blessings had become burdensome and I was beginning to resent what God had gifted to me. I haven't felt any joy in blogging for a while and felt that the purpose for me doing it wasn't been fulfilled. My writing has been going in a different direction now and whether that ends up in a blog format remains to be seen. 

Also to be honest I feel like I still need healing from our crazy journey of the past 5 years but especially last year. Our family needs time to re-adjust and find its feet in this new normal. I am just paring down what I do and commit to...for now. Blogging is just one thing as the pressure to write regularly is not something I can do. I want to have space to create, to be and to soak up all that is God and what He has for me. 

"He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul;" 
                                                                                                                                - Ps 23:2-3a

Another Good Book

I am waiting for my preacher hubby to get home from night church....one church service is enough for most of the little kids. So, while he's out the kids are watching a movie and I am having trouble putting this gem of a book down.... it's so good. Do I ever read bad books??? The title is kind of misleading but in a good way. It always amazes me how I seem to be given a book to read at exactly the right time I need to read it.... God is so amazing like that.... also clearly, I am needing a lot of work done in me.

Can only be a good thing, right?

Time for some space

This is what a squishy mummy tummy is good for....snuggling in and drifting off to sleep. Having a purposefully slow day today after a crazy busy day yesterday and long intense week. I have also come to realise that I have VERY little down time for myself. I am always working on something for someone else....it hit me that I have not read a novel, I haven't knitted, crocheted, or sewed in a very long time. I cannot remember that last thing I bought myself apart from coffee.... actually I think it was a pair a white Converse shoes from a recycled clothing store last October. I have realised I need to create and hold space for myself in whatever form that needs to be. Maybe more so in this journey.

I know a lead a busy life and I don't say that to say "look at me I am important because I am busy"....I say that because there is so many facets to me and the life, I lead.... each one important, each one meaningful....but the fact that is getting left behind is the "me". Please don't get me wrong I am so grateful for my life and all that encompasses.....just sometimes I need some space

Even it When it Hurts

 "Even when the fight seems lost

I'll praise you

Even when it hurts like hell I'll praise you

Even when it makes no sense to sing

Louder then I'll sing your praise." - Even When It Hurts by Hillsong

My song on repeat these days....oh I love it so much. These words resonate deep within me. In the midst days, struggles and obstacles that make no sense what so ever to me....my unanswered why's.....I will always choose to praise Him. To Him...the One that holds the stars. "I lift my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2

Love love love my new tote bag, a gift from a beautiful friend....so true for me....every single day, week, month....we live by faith. Thank you beautiful friend.

Women's Health

Wow what a full day I have had....but at least I got a wee sleep in this morning before it all started. I had a very productive meeting up at the hospital today....I am very excited about the progress that we are making and the improvements that are on the horizon for Women's Health and the women it cares for. Next was a flying visit down to NICU to meet a wee brand new nephew...so cute!! Then quickly home to see my family and then off to a mammoth afternoon of sorting and re-organizing for Loving Arms. So looking forward to tonight...date night!!! I will get to spend some time with the man I married and eat something yummy!! Good day!

The Elijah Syndrome

I am suffering from this today. I know I am. So one would think if I knew that I was it would be easy to shake it off. I am trying to.

Elijah Syndrome = Where one experiences a great high in life/ministry, a great break through in ones life.... Where one spends ALL of ones energy that one comes to a screeching halt and spirals down quickly after said high. You spiral down and then you are attacked by the enemy. You down play what has been accomplished, doubt and fear creep in. You just want to curl up and sleep, cry, and eat...possibly all at once. (This is my own definition of course.)

This is me...right now. Just like Elijah ran away and hid when he found out that he was being chased down by Jezebel who was wanting to kill him. After he had killed 400 prophets of Baal and then prophesied and witnessed rain coming after a severe drought, all this among other things. He got depressed, feared, had a pity party and hid. He hid.

Please don't be mistaken for thinking that I am comparing myself to Elijah, to what he accomplished for the Lord. I am just a mere dot compared to him.

"Ahab told his wife Jezebel what Elijah had done and that he had killed the prophets. 2 She
sent a message to Elijah: “You killed my prophets. Now I’m going to kill you! I pray that the gods will punish me even more severely if I don’t do it by this time tomorrow.”

3 Elijah was afraid when he got her message, and he ran to the town of Beersheba in Judah. He left his servant there, 4 then walked another whole day into the desert. Finally, he came to a large bush and sat down in its shade. He begged the Lord, “I’ve had enough. Just let me die! I’m no better off than my ancestors.” 5 Then he lay down in the shade and fell asleep." - 1 King 19:1 - 5

You see, Elijah was spent. Emotionally, Spiritually, Physically (look how far he ran and walked) and Mentally. When you are spent you are very much susceptible to what Leena Tankersley calls 'soul bullies'. And in times like these 'soul bullies' come out to play and have a field day.  They certainly had a field day with Elijah so much so he was hugely afraid of Jezebel, even though he had just accomplished all that he had done for God....he failed to see and to trust the Lord to help him overcome this particular problem. All he wanted to do was curl up and begging the Lord to let him die.

OK so I am not begging God for that....but I am spent. Today we had the Loving Arms 'Walk of Fun' and while it was a great day, and it was certainly fun and we absolutely raised a great amount of money for a worthy cause. I am glad it is over. I have spent hours upon hours, days and days planning and organising this event. Its nearly all I have thought about at night because I can't sleep. It has got me out of my comfort zone having to ask people and businesses to help, to support or to donate. I hated doing that but I did it. I forced me to talk 'bras' with complete strangers (some of them men which was very awkward) and why they were needed. Oh so awkward. I know I certainly haven't pulled this off on my own. I owe a lot to other people doing things for me but its been tough going. I enjoyed the day immensely, I enjoyed seeing people have a great time, people dressing up, people giving, people laughing, people eating. I LOVED seeing the kids come through the finish line like they had run a marathon. I loved watching people mingle with each other and talking. I LOVED giving out spot prizes to people and seeing their excitement over winning something. I am blessed. I AM so proud of our generous community of people that captured my vision and saw the importance of what we were raising money for. I cannot wait to present the amount to our recipients and just knowing that this will help many a new mother makes it all worth it. 

But in all that I am tired. I became very emotional this afternoon and cried. I cry all the time I know this but I cried out of frustration and tiredness. Do you know why? Because I looked in the mirror and saw a fat person, because I know that the scales are showing me unfavorable numbers which means we aren't on talking terms. I felt so defeated and worthless. Now I know I aren't obese or even hugely overweight, I know this. But I can do and be better. My doctor told me that I have had seven children and to give myself a break. But my screeching halt, my attack of the 'soul bullies' came in the form of a full force, all out war against the way I saw myself and how worthless I am because I can't lose the 5kg that I want to. The enemy hit me where he knew I would hurt the most. Talk about rude!  I went from the huge high to a huge low in a matter of hours. Not cool.

But God whispered to me "Elijah Syndrome". These words aren't in the bible anywhere but I knew exactly what He meant. Pray and pray hard. Rest and rest hard. Nurture yourself. Be kind to yourself. So for the next few days I will rest, and nurture myself. I will immerse myself in His Word and surround myself with good people. And I will heal.

I hope that you too will now recognise your 'soul bullies' and recognise when they come out to play. Your may be different to mine. Recognise when they come out to play, recognise their voices, their words and deal with them. You are worth it.

"He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

3 

He restores my soul;" - Ps 23:2-3a