Dreams

I have dreams.... dreams that one day we'll get to experience a white Christmas....with all the trappings of course. The snowmen, the eggnog, the ice skating, the hot chocolates and the crackling fire. One day...here's hoping.

I have a lot of dreams actually.... some that make no sense at all...like living in Montana and having a buffalo ranch or chopping firewood and melting bear tallow ready for an Alaskan winter. Ill allow you to laugh. And some that make a whole heap of sense....

like changing the game of poverty for families in New Zealand or elevating family to where it should rightfully sit in society.

Those are lofty goals I know. Pick anyone of them and you'll be told ..."unlikely" to happen. I sit here on the sidelines, in the shadows...reading all the blogs, watching all the instastories, reading, reading .... learning and waiting. Waiting for what...I am not sure. A shot of confidence perhaps? I know I have words to speak and stories to tell and I'm not entirely sure what I am waiting for.

I have more dreams within. Burning to be released. Like a fire within. But when will the right time come?

Anyone who knows me knows I loathe conflict, negativity and confrontation.... perhaps that is where I need to grow, to grow up, to come to a place where "who cares". I don't like to be not liked, to be left out and put out of circles. Lord...you know how that has been the bain of my life. Strengthen me Lord. Help me overcome these fears.

So, I ask.... what dreams are you dreaming? What do you have burning inside of you? And what fear my friend is holding you back?

photo credit @countrylivingmag

Polar Opposites

My current read.... lent to me by a good friend and I'm loving it. In our current season so much of it resonates with me so it's really timely...actually it's exactly why she lent it to me!

I have had a few people ask me about my last post/blog. Some directly ask me about it, most gently inquiring around the edges of conversation and one or two seeking clarification on me saying "a year from hell but a year from heaven" and how that could possibly be. So, I thought a follow up post was in order.... How could one 12-month period feature polar opposites? Firstly, let me say that if wasn't for our faith in God then I truly don't know how we would have made it through the year. To seek refuge in His Word and worship when you feel the anxiety in your throat so much so that you can't breathe, eat or sleep IS THE MOST POWERFUL form of defense and offense against our enemy. Darkness cannot remain where light resides.

Without the support and prayers of friends and family.... that you could simply text "please pray".... knowing that in moments after reading those two words they are interceding and praying on your behalf.

We most definitely had some amazing God encounters and were on the receiving end of His provision.... without those this year would have been more hellish. Those things kept us moving, kept us positive, kept us seeking His face and being in a place of thankfulness.

The thing is guys we aren't promised a life of ease but that we will face trouble, but all is not lost or wasted. "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

So why do I share what I do? I'm pretty open and honest and while I may not share everything. I try to be the real deal...to be any different I believe would be detrimental to the Kingdom of God. I believe in sharing my life so that others can see the redeeming love of Christ, but to also know that when you belong to Christ you will most still be hit with tragedy and hard times but your journey through it all while it could be "hell on earth".... all of Heaven is holding your hand" (my words)

I know who my people are

 This year's been a bit shit really. Can I say that? I'm going to as I simply cannot think of a nicer way to say it that encompasses everything it needs to. It simply has. My family has been put though the ringer and then some. I actually cannot think of a worser year. For a long time now I've been coining this year "The year from hell but the year from heaven". Nothing has felt safe or stable this year...nothing. Our family had been under a huge attack...a story that is not mine to tell as much as I want to scream and shout about it....I simply can't. But everything that we have stood for, worked towards and our core has been shattered.

Oh, my though ...do I want to let loose and word vomit about it.... Heck yes! One day maybe.... but not now. It's far too raw and we are all still traumatized. But I will say.... there is no pain felt on this earth than witnessing your child go through pain of any kind. But God is good and we know without a doubt that He will bring about good, restoration and redemption for His glory..."Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord" Romans 12: 19....that is what I'm holding on to. But in all of this awfulness we have seen and been on the receiving end of miracles from God himself. We own our house...something we never ever thought possible....and I mean EVER! To feel some kind of sense of security in this time is truly a gift from God.

I am not the same person I was at the beginning of the year. I've changed, grown up maybe.... become more of who I'm meant to be. We have had relationships that have deepened and have been anchored. Relationships that have changed and relationships that have ended. All of which are ok. There's purpose in all and for that I'm thankful. God has a plan for all this...a plan that is good. I don't know what next year will look like...but then again does anyone really? But this I know for certain...I know who my God is, who I am in Christ, that my marriage is strong and my family is tight. I know who I can count on and who's in my corner. I know who my people are...and that's priceless