I Never Want to Forget

My apologies...its long...

Many of you know me, many of you don't and those that have been following my blogs over time will know that our lives were tipped upside down over three years ago when Jamie lost his job suddenly.  As you can imagine it was a time of broken-ness, frustration and worry and stress.  I didn't think we would last six weeks let alone three and a half years.  From time to time I have touched on our journey and wrote about how I was feeling, what was happening in family and what God was doing in our lives and through us.  God has never before been so evident and tangible to us personally, as a couple and as a family as he has in this time.

Here we are three and half years later, our world still shaking as we await Jamie's hip replacement and six to eight weeks of recuperation after it.  Then well......... its a blank space baby.  Do you know how that feels perhaps?  Its all very well to make plans of what is to happen next, to have an idea of where to from here but what happens when you are relying totally on God as we have done this entire time, to come up blank?  Its like the bottom has fallen out of time.

Its hard for people to understand this, to understand the journey that we are on, if they aren't believers or maybe haven't been at a time where they have had to or wanted to, put all their entire lives and trust in God. Its so hard.  I can understand why they would think we were nuts, think maybe we are being irresponsible or perhaps even lazy.  I can understand the frustration they might feel towards us. "How can you live like that?"  Its something that I have heard many a times.  I can live like this because its what we are called to do at this time.  Its not easy of course it isn't.  But my faith and trust in Him, my love for Him is strong and is real.

I don't want to ever forget this time. Ever. Period. I don't want to ever forget what it was like to lose a very very good income in a matter of hours. I don't want to ever forget what it was like to watch your husband be turned down for jobs time after time after time. I don't want to ever forget having to tell you children that from now on there is no pocket money, no treats, no new clothes or toys.  I don't want to forget what its like to lie in bed and try to work out how you will pay the power bill due the next day, to see your pantry supplies dwindle away without the means to replace them, to rummage through your freezer for meat for dinner and come up empty. I don't want to forget what its like to have 39c in your bank account or to have your card decline at the supermarket or to have to transfer money out of your kids account just so you can put ten dollars of petrol into your car. I don't want to forget the feeling of not being able to buy loved ones birthday presents. I don't want to forget what its like to have to ask to borrow some money to help pay for rent or to get a tooth fixed.  I don't want to ever forget what it was like to be receiving a food parcel from the community food-bank. A feeling of most intense gratefulness but of embarrassment all at the same time all the while seeing the glory that is of our God at his perfect timing. We learnt a big lesson in humility that day. I just don't want to forget.  We have always been very reluctant to ask for help as we figure that God knows all our needs and our hope is in him but there have been times where I think the lesson has been in humilty of having to ask for certain help.  I tell you it really really does suck!

Because if I forget then that means I would have to forget the miracles of God, the seeing of how God does provide and how it felt when he blesses you above and beyond your expectations. The feeling of seeing my husband studying something he is passionate about and preach Gods word for the first time.  The feeling of pride at seeing him graduate a straight A student.  The feeling of gratitude and amazement when you get given clothes for your kids of things they so desperately need.  The feeling of seeing God bless your son with a new bike days after he has poured his heart out asking God for one. The absolute gratitude when family and friends gift money unknowingly at just the right time so you can buy food or pay the power bill or put petrol in the car. The absolute thankfulness when someone provides you weekly with a fruit and vege box knowing that on some night fruit and veges is whats on the menu for dinner.  The feeling of knowing that family and friends have your back and are praying for you, understand where you are, support you where they can, lend a listening ear and share wise and encouraging words.  I don't want to ever forget.

I know you can essentially say that we have chosen this for ourselves and I suppose we have.  Yes we have chosen this, we have chosen to be and remain obedient to God and to follow the path that he has us on.  Yes it isn't normal for a family of 9 to be willingly on this journey I know this.  Don't you think I know this!  Sometime I don't want to be different because sometimes its get just hard, too hard and tears come, tired angry tears.  Tears of frustration, of "how long will this go on for" tears, "I can't do this anymore" tears or even "Come on seriously God?" tears!!

And here we are now...for us we are standing at the edge of our Red Sea, with the army of Egyptians crowding around us from all sides and are pressing in.  Our toes are about to get wet as the sea laps up onto the shore. All we see in front of us is a vast mighty ocean and the wind is whipping at our clothes and hair as we stand in wait. God has to move mightily He WILL move mightily. The sea we see before WILL part and we WILL walk through it dry and unharmed. In time, all in His time, His perfect timing. We will come through this victorious and righteous!!  Amen!! We just don't know what our other side looks like yet.

13 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will seethe deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

21 Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the Lorddrove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, 22 and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground,with a wall of water on their right and on their left.
                                             - Exodus 14 :13-22

Some of you may say....."if God was real and in this "where is he? or why doesn't he make things better for you?" Well he could, in an instant.  But what would we have learnt?  We wouldn't have seen all the miracles we have, we wouldn't have grown in ourselves, we wouldn't of learnt more of Him, we wouldn't of felt the love of our family and friends. I know we wouldn't have the heart for the lost, the poor and the needy that we now do.  He wouldn't be able to use us like he has and we would be unequipped to really connect, help and share the love of Christ with those who are where we are now.   Its one thing to say your faith is real and strong when you haven't suffered. Its easier to say that you believe when things have been rosy for you. I know we were there once.  Believing that God was happy and pleased with us because our lives were blessed. That he loved us because we were reasonably well off and were living in the "land of milk and honey".  But God wanted more from us, more faith, more trust and more obedience and over these past few years we have done our best to deliver.  We are not perfect. We get mad, lose faith, doubt Gods word (even though we have see him come through time and time again), we even believe that we are entitled to more. But God doesn't owe us anything.  Jesus is enough.

So do not fear, for I am with you;

    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

- Isaiah 41:10

Spring is Coming!!

"Your promises have been thoroughly tested; that is why I love them so much." - Psalm 199:140

Over time I have made no secret that we have been going through a "winter" season and not just in the literal sense but in a metaphorical sense as well.  This winter has been nearly three years now and our spring "feels" like it maybe just around the corner. We are hoping and praying. Praise God!  Like the time as winter fades and slowing becomes spring where we see less frosty days, more glimpses of colour in places where there was barrenness and dead-ness and we see and feel more of the sun and its warming rays. So is it for us. Gradually we are seeing less and less of the hard, dark and gloomy days where everything seems to be just plain sucky, more glimpses of days where there is a little more colour in our moments and more experiences of lighter times, brighter days and days where we can bask in the warmth of the sun.

Please understand that our winter hasn't been all bad or doom and gloom and while we have had some pretty low days and weeks, it has been an amazing time of cutting back, pruning, reassessing, and walking out our faith one small step at a time.  We have seen God move for us in the last three years than we have ever seen him move in our entire lives. Yes people we are a living testimony that Gods promises are true and his miracles are well and truly alive today as they were over 2000 years ago!

Yes things may have not gone to plan like we thought best but Gods plan for us as individuals, as a couple and as a family has been far better than we could of imagined for ourselves.  Our steps of faith have literally been one day at a time, one meal at a time and one bill at a time.  We have grown in character and in faith over these years.  I can say that while times and days have been hard, damn hard. I will be forever thankful that we had these years.

But in all that......there is a time for everything, a season for everything and I am up for a change now and "feel" that our spring is around the corner. I am believing for it now. And while I am thankful for our winter, and know that our winter has been important,,,,I am tired of winter. Its time for spring! Time for the sun, time for the flowers and the new life that spring brings.  (hey maybe that's why this baby will be a spring baby).  Unfortunately we all need winter times to bring us back to Him, back to our Creator, back to needing him and recognising that we are nothing without Him and without Him everything is pointless.  Without winter we simply cannot have regrowth and new life, redirection or refreshment.

Without winter one cannot simply bloom!

On a lighter note.....thanks to a beautiful friend and her gift to us, we now have a new "member" to our family, Meet....Clara.

She has made herself at home, like a favourite great aunt who comes to stay and sneaks peppermints to the kiddies when the parents aren't looking.  Oh how I love Clara. She is grandly beautiful!!

Only five to seven more weeks to go until we meet our wee blessing!! I have never been one for due dates so somewhere towards the end of Oct-ish, whenever this one decides to make its way into the world.  Exciting times!  Yes I know I need an updated pregnant belly photo...I'll work on it, promise!

One of my favourite things.
For me it epitomizes the new-ness and sacred-ness of a new blessing into the world. 

What season are you in?

Last Night Together

You will have to excuse me if I miss any spacebar mistakes that I may miss when re-reading this blog as my 20mth old has pried off the space bar and hid it. We since have found it but its not working like it should - you now have to make an conscious effort to use strength in your thumb for it to work.  He has been doing things like that lately- scally wag!   Today I found the remote to the DVD machine floating upside down in the bath. Fortunately that still works or it was going to be bye-bye DVD machine because you need the remote to work it.  Yesterday it was another remote that had to rescued from the clutches of Jesse who was heading out to the sandpit.  I wonder what I will find where tomorrow?

So tonight it most likely the last night my wee man Jesse and I will have together.  I am sad, so sad. But also maybe a little teeny weeny tiny bit excited. Maybe about 0.5%.  Tomorrow he will be vacating our bedroom.(insert sad face here) Currently we have a giant bed between the three of us, being Jamie, Me and Jesse, a single bed pushed up against the wall and our queen bed jammed up against that.  I can roll and moved between my bed and Jesse's bed with somewhat ease and makes for midnight "uggles" (Jesse's word for cuddle) and hand-holding especially easy.  I will miss that.

But as much as I will miss it, he needs to move in plenty of time for him to get used to being in the same room with big boys and not right next to me before this next wee bubba comes along. I can't work out how I was going to bed-share with one husband, one toddler and a newborn. So with ten, eleven or twelve weeks to go before that happens now is the time. sigh! OH how I hate this!

30 week pregnant silhouette!

Fortunately I have a super duper husband that is prepared to spend the next week sleeping in a bed next to Jesse's in the room with two of the big boys. He is good like that.  And me I will get to have the entire bed to myself, be able to turn on the light at night, maybe even READ before I go to sleep AND be able to slip out of the side of the bed at night (as most pregnant ladies do multiple times a night) and not have to crawl down to the end of the bed to get out.  Now that I am looking forward to.

I ao enjoy sleeping with my children, especially my babies close to me, literally within arms reach. I enjoy listening to their breathing and their gorgeous sleeping sounds.  I love that when they are wee I don't have to get out of bed and up to feed them, we can just cuddle and fall back to sleep together.  I love that their sweet chubby fingers curl around mine or rest against my cheek and their tiny body molds itself into mine. It is so beautiful, so peaceful.  I will miss him, like I have missed all my others.

I know that this isn't everybody's cup of tea or idea of how babies and children should sleep or be put to bed and that's OK. But this works for us and our family and we will never change it.  You best be praying for me (and for Jesse) that this is a smooth transition.

Sleeping so peacefully!

To Death with Superwomen!!

I cried today. Sat on the floor and cried. Not because I was sad or happy which is quite the norm for me but because my house was messy.  And I mean REALLY messy and I just didn't have it in me to tidy it.  So I cried.  I am such a baby.  I know that sitting on the bedroom floor isn't going to get my house tidy but it felt like the only thing that could be done as I surveyed the Sunday damage.  I call it Sunday damage because it is at its worst on a Sunday. Hey you try and get 8 people of various ages, with conflicting clothing preferences and hair style issues out the door to be on time or even early to church. Todays damage is made worse by a busy week and the kids having friends over which inevitably creates a hiccup in the household routine. (Definitely not saying that they were particularly messing or anything). My missing beater was found half licked in the flannel drawer, my washing of three days ago is still unfolded on the window seat and I let my one year old fall asleep in front of the Wiggles in his high chair.  Today has been one of those days!

People often comment to me (once they find out how many children I have) that I must be superwomen.  I should invite them to come and look around my house. I am not superwomen.  Actually I don't really like the term. Whether they intend it or not, it comes across that they think I am actually better than they are.  So not true!  Definitely not true!  I live my life and they live theirs and we each deal with whatever our lives consist of. 1...2....3 or even 13 children.  We are all coping, dealing with and living our lives to the best of our ability on any given day! When we label someone with a Superwoman status or put them on a pedestal we are actually being unfair on them by not really allowing them to be 'human' and have bad days AND at the same time we are lowering ourselves and what we are dealing with and accomplishing to the level of nothing special, nothing amazing. We are all amazing! We all ROCK!!

Yes I have six children (soon to be seven)  I love each of them dearly just like a lady with 2 children.  My bad days are just as bad as yours as are my good days. There have been days where I could of called them 'Days from you know where!'  I think back to them now and I can most laugh as I reminisce.  Like the day when I only had 3 children, my then 4, and 2 year old climbed and got a can of bright blue paint out of the shed, used a screwdriver to pry the lid open, found a pair of paint brushes and proceeded to paint the back of the garage 'bathroom bright blue'!  The garage that belonged to the landlord!  Superwomen was nowhere in sight!

Or the day when I was sitting in the doctors office with my 4 year old who was having an asthma attack, my two year old was terrorizing the room and touching everything in sight probably making sterile things unsterile with dribble and my 5 month olds bottom exploded and poo oozed out of his nappy, all up his back and down his leg and through out his car seat and was screaming because he didn't like it.  I am pretty sure the nursing staff was about to order me straitjacket! Either that or order me a whiskey. Superwomen - nonexistent!

Or the time when I was bravely stupidly grocery shopping with my 4 and 2 year old and I had a 4 month old strapped to my chest (fortunately the 6 year old was in school then) and the 4 and 2 year old were running riot as they tend to do.  They ran ahead of me and the 4 year proceeded to bite chunks out of deli cheeses.  I had a number of cheese in my shopping that day, expensive cheeses at that!  Superwomen - who is she?

Those are just three times in a whole raft of occasions where superwomen was nowhere to be found and she isn't around today either.   In fact I don't know her very well at all.  We women can be our own worst enemies and we can be good at tearing each other down too.  I remember just after I had my first baby I was just getting into the swing of motherhood (actually I still am) and I used to have a competition with the mother across the fence from me to see who could get their washing out first in the morning.  Of course she didn't know she was having a competition with me, but she always won! Grrrr.  Every morning I would feel like a terrible mother who was doing a terrible job. I am not sure anyone ever set that the benchmark for mothering, that was to see who could get their washing on the line first in the neighborhood.  It wasn't until much later that I discovered her hanging her washing out the night before!  Hmmmm CHEAT!

So if I or anyone else looks like they have it altogether. Stop and think its probably because of one of these things....
1) Been there done that!  A tantrum in the supermarket isn't that scary and terrible when you have had to deal with 67 supermarket tantrums before.

2) I am faking it til I make it! I am probably silently swearing inside my head or thinking of how I can get my kids back when we get home all the while smiling an angelic smile. I also probably have an already opened packet of TimTams biscuits that one of the kids have opened on the way around the supermarket and I have bribed them all into being good with a lollipop at the checkout.

3) I have older kids too!  Yes they maybe large in number but at least half of them can take themselves off to the toilet, know the meaning of the word 'no' (well sort of), can hold a crying baby and know where to look for the cans of crushed tomatoes if need be!

4) And I probably left my house in such a state that even CSI would have trouble making heads or tails of it.

But in saying all that....there are times where I do feel somewhat superwomen-ish!  Like when I have totally owned the huge washing pile that has been sitting there all week!  Boom - I have my cape on!  Or the time when I had succeeded in cleaning up the kitchen floor after my son vomited all over it and my waters broke on top of the vomit with my husband not home yet!  Boom - I am working that leotard!

Truth is we all have terrible times as parents, times where we can't see the wood through the trees and we think we are the only ones dealing (and reacting) to such things.  But we all have our superwomen moments where we winning at this mothering thing.  A round of applause and a big hand for all of us!

Six Month Snapshot

Previously titled 'In my Life this Month' but I thought that I would rename it to the above as I only write one of these posts every six months.  I really don't think my life is THAT interesting to do one every month.  Today is Sunday and I am tired.  I think God had an excellent idea when he made the seventh day as a day of rest because today that is exactly what I felt like doing all afternoon.  Blessed myself I did with a L-O-N-G overdue chat with my bestie on the phone.  Lost count at how long we talked for because she had to ring me back and then I had to ring her back due to a wee man with a split lip and a banana that wouldn't properly peel for him.  You know tragic things like that!

So lets begin....

In our home school.....

Well its been the school holidays here for the past two weeks something that we observe.  There is no way that the kids would let me work them through the holidays for ANY reason.  Plus I need a break too....a break from the planning, the checking up on, the correcting, the hunting DAILY for pencils, pens, scissors and rubbers that mysteriously disappear EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!  I think there is a conspiracy going on here.

What we are planning to do for the upcoming term is follow a book called "How to Make a Apple Pie Around the World".  Obviously the lesson plans will be a little different for the older kids and the younger kids but they will both follow the book.  The story follows a young girl around the world as she collects different ingredients for her apple pie.  Each week we will look at the country that she visits and the ingredient that she collects, where it grows, how it is harvested, what its used for etc.  At the end of the book of course we will make an apple pie just like the girl in the book.  Also for the older kids I am planning to put together a MasterBaker programme. Where they can learn different aspects of baking (so they don't stick to baking the same thing as they tend to do). Biscuits, Slices, Pikelets, Cakes, Breads etc.  Once they have completed all those without supervision and are edible I'll award them with the MasterBaker Graduate Award.  So that is the plan for this term.  I say plan and use that term loosely as I know that at times my kids needs change. But that is the beautiful thing about homeschooling I guess.

I am inspired by..... this book as you know.

The beauty and generosity of people.

Just some of things been donated to Loving Arms

The beauty of colour.

Such vivid colours!

Places we are going....
Well even though it hasn't been the best holidays for us around here due to a number of things, ie Terrible winter colds and terrible winter weather, we haven't ventured to far from home. Even I have to admit that its been a little boring around here.  BUT we did manage to get to visit the zoo a few days ago.  It was cold to say the least but it was so nice to be out of the house and doing something together as a family. My favourite is and always will be the giraffes. I find them so fascinating.

People we are seeing....see above for reasons but not too many people.  I did however get to meet up with a very inspiring lady from the community who has big dreams and an even bigger heart for the people she wishes to help.

My favourite thing....
Not winter that's for sure! Hmmmm do I have a favourite thing?  My electric blanket at night, My husband been home for the past week on holiday, that's been cool.

What is working for us....
Turning down our hot water cylinder!  Knocked nearly $200 of our power bill!!  I know!!  I miss having an abundance supply of hot hot water but $200 when you don't have a lot is something I can live with.
Dividing up the areas of the house when it comes to tidying up.  Works reasonably well especially when I rotate who does what areas.  The worst area according to the children is the kitchen, the best area is the hallway and front and backdoor area!

What isn't working for us...
The kids playing soccer in the hallway. Results in a smashed window!  Not happy.
Winter colds and coughs - doesn't make for good sleeping.  Poor Jesse has had a bad head cold and all night I hear Mama Mama.  He sleeps holding my hand.

Questions/thoughts I have...
-How are we going to pay for the window? We can't go through winter with it boarded up.
-How much is too much?  We live in a society of inequality and excess.  Even though its a fact of life its not right and how do you fix it?
-Where is God taking us?  Even though I love the journey that we are on, it isn't easy at times and sometimes its a little unnerving not knowing where we are actually going?

Things that I am....
-Reading...Rhinestone Jesus by Kristen Welch
-1 Samuel
-Last Read...The Centurion  by Janette Oak and Davis Bunn
-Read...The Externally Focus Quest by Rick Rusaw and Eric Swanson ...so can't wait to read that one even though its been ordered and hasn't actually arrived yet.
-Watching...Not a lot really.  I have been quite busy with various projects on the go I don't have time to watch much on TV.  I can't even remember the last movie I sat and watched and enjoyed.

I am cooking...Spaghetti and meatballs, Pizza, and I am getting really good at doing roasts too even if I say so myself.

I am grateful for...
-My husband.  He really is super. Loved having him home this week and having no outside extracurricular activities to get to.
-Our upcoming weekend away in Taupo with my sister and her family and my Mum.  So can't wait for that.  Here is hoping we can get to the snow.
-The blessing of meat.  We were blessed with a large amount of meat a week or so ago.  Meat is expensive here and I only buy it if I have too. Up until now we have been living on venison (which isn't a bad thing) but it makes a nice change having beef.
-God's continual guidance and provision. This is a common theme in my posts I know but I really am very grateful.   Two and half years since our journey began and we are still here and our daily walk though hard at times is such a blessing.
-A supportive family, friends and church. Our journey would be that much harder without them.
-This new little life that grows inside of me.   I am just about to head into my last trimester and this little ones kicks and flutters will turn into cuddles and kisses.  I am embracing this precious time because he or she is born I will have to share.

I am praying for...
-Gods continual guidance and providence.
-Growth and direction of Loving Arms. For the community to be moved by the need and mobilized into action.
-The health of the family
-The birth of this wee baby.  Not even going to pretend that my last birth wasn't hard and challenging.

Day in the Life Photos...

A rest stop at the zoo!

Maybe its because the kids are home schooled but they seem to a bit slow on the uptake of 'school yard fads'. Is that a bad thing?  But once they were introduced into the house these loom bands threatened to overtake our house. Provided a lot of hours of entertainment though.

Me at 24 weeks pregnant!

How Kaitlyn and I spent one wet afternoon.

Winter Art!

I have been getting my knit on lately.  

This pattern is so easy and if I can do it anyone can!

Found this recipe for homemade crumpets...who knew!

They were the best, a little time consuming but oh so good!!!

What are you doing this July?

On...Passing Judgment

For the majority of the week this blog has been playing on my mind.  Don't you just love that.  It stems from two separate encounters with people passing judgement.  I tell you quite seriously that it is not nice to be on the receiving end of it.  Not at all!  Someone said once to me that "If you are going to stick your head up above the others or be somewhat different - then expect stones to be thrown at you".  I haven't really experienced this much until recently.  Yeah from time to time someone has had a problem with whatever I have blogged about but I have learnt to deal with that. I am clearly going to have to learn to deal with this kind of judgement.

Scenario One:
An acquaintance came to my house to drop something off that he had borrowed.  It was just the kids and myself at home.
Man: "Whats this?" pointing to my pregnant stomach
Me: "Number Seven" desperately hoping that my kids would start yelling blue murder like they usually do whenever I am talking to someone"
Man: Oh yeah.  I thought that this wee lad was going to be your lucky last?
Me:  No, we never said that.  Our children are lots of fun and we love having them.
Man:  Was this one an accident?
Me:  Not really, they are never an accident.
Man:  Are you going to have enough room in the house?
Me: Yup we all fit in perfectly fine.
Man: Are you ever going to stop?
Me: Don't know - at some stage.  We love having kids!
Man: Oh

While reading the above conversation, it may not seem so bad but what I can't relay to you is his body language, facial expression and tone of voice. This man clearly wasn't convinced that anyone having seven kids was a great idea and that is fine, I don't have a problem with that.  But he was openly disapproving and that made me feel very uncomfortable. If the ground would of opened up then and there I would of quite happily fallen in.  I also think he was highly inappropriate even having this conversation with me but I am a little old-fashioned like that.

Scenario Two:
Standing in the check-out line at the local supermarket.  The checkout lady knows my kids and knows that they are home schooled.  They were all waiting for me on the other side of the check out. There is a lady in front of me as I am loading up the conveyor belt with my shopping.
Lady: (to the check out operator) hmph is there no school today or something?
Operator:  Yeah, but these kids are home schooled.
Lady: shaking her head  Now that is something that should be made illegal.  No one should be allowed to do that. Home schooling is the most stupid idea. Putting those kids at a disadvantage, they are going to end up being a drain on society because they will be so dumb they won't be employable.  Child abuse that's what it is!
Operator:  Oh I don't know about that.
Lady: Of course it is. I knew a family once.  Those kids had no clue about anything, couldn't even talk to anyone unless it was their own family.  They couldn't even interact with anyone else AND they couldn't read. Its just absolutely ridiculous!  Those poor children. shaking her head again.

Now I know I could of said something, perhaps I should of said something but I was dumbfounded. I had never encountered anything like this before.  Plus she wasn't actually talking to me - I was eavesdropping.  I came away very very upset. Upset at her and upset at myself for not speaking up and defending our decision.  On reflection on this I shouldn't have to defend myself to anyone, at least not to some nasty outspoken lady in the supermarket.

These two encounters left me pondering on how we as a society treat others that maybe different or do things differently to us.  You are always, always going to have an opinion whether or not you agree with it. That is our freedom and our right.  And we are lucky enough that we live in a our country that allows us to make these kinds of decision regarding ourselves and our children. That is also our freedom and our right. But do we have a 'right' to pass judgement so openly, let alone so rudely on others?  I don't think we have. Especially when we don't know their story or anything about the facts on which they based their decision on.

(Now I know that you are all intelligent people and already know that I am not talking about peoples decisions that out other people in serious danger.  Decisions like letting their 6 year old drive the car down the road or things like that :) )

There are some highly flammable topics out there.  Topics that can break friendships and ostracize people out of families, groups and clubs.  Topics that include things like home schooling, having or not having children, vaccinating, being an out-to-work Mama or not. Oh the list can be quite long.

I think what saddens me the most is not so much that people aren't accommodating of what others may choose for themselves but is that people can be nasty about it and I mean really nasty.  Check out any blog site or Facebook page that dares to put up something different or challenges mainstream thinking!  I recently read a article about a lady who decided to stop using shampoo and hadn't done for 5 years! (I don't know how she did it but go her!) And a lot of the comments posted below the article were darn right abusive! Really, its HER hair! She wasn't saying you have to do that too! I suppose the saying "If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen" rings quite true.  As a rule I don't engage in any online or real life "warfare", not on purpose anyway.  Generally if I am asked outright about what I think or what I do I'll say but otherwise I am keeping my mouth shut!  But the unfortunate side effect of that is how else are other people going to learn about and be exposed to other options if we are all busy keeping quiet about alternative options out there.

Here is what I think the "Rules" should be when encountering someone that has made different decisions than you.
1) Don't be attacking them - really no one is going to open up and share honestly if you are already attacking them with guns blazing and all!
2) Check your facials and body language - most people can tell what you are thinking about what they are saying by the look on your face and your body language.
3) Ask questions (nicely) - hey you never know might learn something.
4) Know that they aren't attacking you and your decisions. - they are just simply responding to your questions.
5) They aren't the enemy! - Remember that they probably are perfectly nice and normal people and yes you CAN still be friends with them.
6) Don't comment or tell them they are wrong, ESPECIALLY if you...
         1. Don't have a relationship with them of any kind -  sorry you just don't have that right.
         2.You have done no research or know nothing about what they have based their decisions on.
         3.You don't know their story or anything about their lives.

Often people react badly or nastily to others decisions and choices if they feel like the decision and choices that they have personally made is being threatened.  It scares people when a sliver of doubt creeps in when they are presented with a different option to the one they have made. That's when people get defensive.  If you are totally confident and have made an informed decision about the choice you have made then really you have no need to feel threaten or pass judgement on other people. They are just exercising the same right as a person and/or parent in this country as you are.  Another thing worth noting here is that 'safety in numbers' is quite applicable here.  If you happen to put your baby in a cot to sleep, you would more than likely think twice about getting into an argument about what you believe the so-called perils of bed-sharing/co-sleeping are with a room full of bed-sharing parents....and vice versa.

A friend said to me after talking to her about the lady in the check out line, that even if I did say something to her she more than likely wouldn't of 'heard' what I had to say, felt threatened herself and she probably wouldn't of changed her rigid opinion anyway.  So there wasn't really any point. Also I need to extend the same courteous to her as she should of  extended to me - I didn't know her story, she could of had a really bad experience being home schooled herself or maybe she had a migraine or...whatever.  So I will choose to let her and her vocal opinions go and move on. I am confident in my choice to home school my children and will do my very best to ensure that they do not become a drain on society in anyway!  Just like the man in scenario one, he might of come from a dysfunctional and stressed out family, perhaps he didn't have children or wasn't very close to the ones he had...or perhaps he too was grumpy with a migraine.  I will too let his lack of manners go and bring up my children the best that I can and again ensure that they will not become a drain on society in anyway!

Thoughts????

On a much lighter note....

I thought that I would share these series of photos because I love them so much!

This is Kaitlyn (7) and 'Thor'- our resident rabbit.

Thor has a pretty sweet life as he is a 'free-range' rabbit who spends his days hopping around our yard  and in the neighbouring paddock and we put him back into his cage at night away from hawks and wild cats.  

We have never lost him and is quite partial to the odd carrot! 

 Our wee Jesse (1) is tractor mad and I found this beauty online for just $5!

He loves his 'tractor tractor'!

(not that you can tell from the look on his face in this pic)

More Living - De-stuff!

Yes that's right its a Toadstool! Right out of a fairytale and growing right on our front lawn.

 It might be extremely poisonous but isn't it just so beautiful! 

Just simply beautiful! *sigh*

Why you maybe asking, am I putting a photo of a toadstool on my blog that isn't going to be about toadstool?

Just because it is so simple yet so beautiful and that is more or less the theme of my post this week.

I just love them and NO ONE around here is allowed to bust them!!!

A few weeks ago I wrote a post titled 'Living More, More Living' (or was it the other way round?) Apparently according to my 'stats' it resonated with a great many of you. It seems more and more people are wanting to simplify their lives, to have less stuff, to be less busy and to live more and to do more living. Blog after blog, site after site is being dedicated to that very thing, especially to the "How-to" kind. So if there is so many sites out there to learn from why are we all stuck in the rut, still hiding under or in our houses filled with stuff or or on the brink of a breakdown from being busy all of the time.

We make no secret that we are all busy. And we all are. But what exactly is making us busy? Surely with all the time and effort saving devices that we have at our disposal we should be home free and living the life. But reality is that very few of us are. This has been playing on my mind for a while now probably due to the fact that at times I have felt that I am drowning in my sea of busyness and the STUFF that we have stuffed into our home. At times, even though I try really really hard to enjoy everyday, every moment of my life truth is I don't. I am often drowning in stuff, mess, clutter, things to do, places to go, people to text, to ring, to see, clothes to fold, meals to cook, dishes to wash, things to bake, things I should do, things I want to do, things I don't want to do (but have to), things I have to do. You know life in general. Messy isn't it.

We are all like this, all exactly the same. I have had enough, I really have. I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. Out come the rubbish bags and boxes. Time to de-stuff my house. My wonderful husband actually started this process for me and cleaned out the girls room with everything that made it a mess and found new homes for them. Then it was out went all the little bits of toys, the tiny hair brushes, the toys with the matted hair, the puzzles with the half eaten pieces (don't ask), the felts (markers) that go sometimes. Everything that I deemed pointless. Soft toys! Really do we need ALL of them, do they really love them all? I know that when people buy kids soft toys I think they secretly hope that the soft toy that they buy will be the childs 'Velveteen Rabbit' and long time pal. Reality is they won't be. I had to go through the soft toys when they girls weren't around as I tried to do it with them and every toy that went into the 'give away' bag was named Zuzu and they desperately loved them and couldn't possibly live with out them. There were many many tears. So I gave up and left it to when they weren't looking. Now all that is left in their room is a wooden dolls house with furniture and a few my little ponies to live in said dolls house. (with matted hair I might add) Their tea set. A container of a selected few soft toys and a craft box and colouring stuff. Everything else it out!! The dress up box has a new home, where it can be monitored more closely. Their room looks good, spacious and functional. I may sound mean but at least I left their beds and blankets (joke). You know the most remarkable thing has happened since then. They play in their room ALL OF THE TIME!!! They have created the most elaborate games out of what they have, things that they have never come up with before. Why didn't I do this sooner!!! Why I ask!!

On to the boys room, I showed no mercy!! At least they are a bit bigger and didn't kick up a fuss (as much). Out with any toy that only had one purpose and hadn't seen the light of day since two weeks after they were bought (toy story lovers can stop reading now). Out with any toy that had even one bit broken or it didn't work. When I say out, I was actually selective because somethings were actually still in good order, they are being donated to local garage sale. I was ruthless. I have yet to go through the games and the puzzles. I am put off by the puzzles because I am going to have to do them all! I have done the bathroom cupboards (that was fun). I am amazed at how much stuff we have accumulated. I am usually the sentimental one and won't get rid of anything but not this time. The bookcase wasn't even safe. A whole box of books packed away ready to be read by someone else. The kitchen cupboard and shelves got a going over too!

Now when I look at all the stuff I have accumulated to give to the garage sale or out to the farm dump I am embarrassed, embarrassed because it is so much money that has been spent of STUFF. Almost brings me to tears, but boy does it feel good when I look at my 'de-stuffed' house. I feel like I can breath. Everything is easier to tidy and clean, easier to put back where things belong. There are things and areas that still need to be dealt with, like my um wardrobe. I think I'll need help with that because I look at it and feel too overwhelm by it. Its not for the faint-hearted, I will leave it at that.

Are we all addicted to stuff? Why do we keep just buying and buying, storing and storing? Surely we don't need it all, yes certain things are nice to have but those certain things are cluttering up our closets, our houses and consequently our lives. I have a tendency to think that we all like our stuff as it makes us feel important, might make us feel like or appear to others that we are 'somebody', an important 'somebody'. We tend to measure ourselves and others by our 'stuff'. The more gadgets, the more gizmo's, the clothes, newest toys determines - wrongly of course- how successful we are. And we all want to be successful in the eyes of others don't we? If we are all being honest of course we do. So here we are a society teetering on the brink of breakdowns because of addiction of our busyness and our 'stuff'. What do we do about it? Do we want our kids to go down the same path? Is this living? I don't think so. Societies that practice a more simpler way of living definitely don't have the same problems we do and I for one am envious of them.

                       We all have the same amount of time to spend, how are you spending yours?

My home. 

One of my most favorite places.

OK next week I'll try to write something a little more light-hearted.
 I'll try!!

More Living, Living more.

I wasn't sure what to name this post. Actually I am never sure what to name posts - its a very important thing.  You can decide whether or not you are going to spend your valuable time reading a book, blog or article based on the title.  I have been guilty as we all probably have, of scrolling past titles thinking ugh BORING, or that-doesn't-sound-like-me-at-all. I wonder how often though we miss out on something really special when we do that???  Just thoughts.

A few years back when I was writing for a regional bimonthly Home Birth magazine I wrote an article about the decision to turn off the TV and go (as much as possible) TV free.  At the time it was the best decision we ever made.  That was the year before we made the decision to home school.  The difference in our children was amazing and remarkable.  I do still hold the opinion that not too much can come out of TV watching even though we aren't essentially a TV free household anymore.  The kids don't watch nearly as much TV as they have done in the past but they still love a good movie watching session and do watch some TV in the early hours of the morning as I refuse to get up as early as they do.

TV is a time waster or should I say a time robber, it robs us of time, a lot of time before we even know it.  The invention of MySky (TiVO?) has probably contributed to more time watching TV as it enables us to record multiple programmes to watch at a later date.   Later???  that time later has to come from somewhere.

We took the Xbox and the computer away a few months back after battle after battle with the amount of time wasted on said machines.  It wasn't necessarily the amount of time that each child was playing on them, it was the time wasted by watching someone else playing them too.  Over time we noticed the increase in fights between the children and the stress levels while playing them.  I knew in my heart that these two things weren't good for our family but I didn't know how to stop it.  Whenever they didn't have them on the kids were bored and didn't know what to do with themselves which resulted in more fighting. And any parent will know that fighting between siblings has the potential to drive you insane.  It all came to a head one day and both were taken away for an indefinite amount of time. Do they miss them?  Yes they did, at first.  It was like I had pulled all their teeth out.  Our family during that time was hard work. But over time they have gotten use to it and now are quite happy without them.  Yes they still get the computer to use for school work since some of their work is via on line progammes.  The ability to play once again using their imagination is on the rise. They play outside more (even when its wet and cold). They ride their bikes more, play board games more, play in the sandpit more and climb trees more.  The fighting is slowly decreasing. Yes I am well aware that that may never disappear but one can live in hope.

My struggle was an internal one.  No parent wants to deprive their children from fun and things that make them happy. No parent purposely wants them to be missing out. But missing out on what?  Watching someone else play an onscreen game or build an imaginary village using blocks or running from digital zombies or ninja assassins.  I can almost hear people saying "Won't they be left behind?" or "Its the way of the future!" or "They are allowed a little fun" or "Its their down time, they need time to relax". I hear you. I do and I have said those things too.  I have read countless research both for and against gaming and screen time and I have to admit that the 'for' research is pretty darn convincing and made me feel better for a time about having it available for them.  In reality those things weren't and aren't good for our family.  One of my boys in particular can be quite obsessive about the Xbox and computer and the more he had screen time the more difficult his behavior became.

Jaydens 10th Birthday was an Xbox party! 

 Two big screens, eight players (four against four)

It was fun and he had a ball!!

Please excuse the quality of the photo.

Just so you know the amount of screen time they had wasn't excessive in my opinion by any means. The Xbox use to come out only on Sunday afternoons and they were allowed an hour on the computer whenever they were on packing and unpacking the dishwasher for the day (that's once every five days!).  But slowly over time (so slowly in fact that it went unnoticed) it became more frequent and the "special occasions" for the Xbox seemed to be coming around more and more. The kids had started (very cleverly too I might add) bartering for screen time too.  They would offer to do such and such a job if they could have half an hour, an hour on the Xbox.  At first we thought sweet we can have a tidy house or the car washed or the bathroom cleaned all for an hour of screen time.  Perhaps we felt a little guilty as we haven't been able to pay them pocket money for a good two and half years now that this could be payment of sorts.  After a while (and I am almost embarrassed to admit this) but the idea started turning on us and often we would ask them to do a job and they would immediately say "Can I have a turn on the Xbox then?"  That is not good parenting at all. The other negative thing as we found that every conversation they had among themselves or with other people was revolving around gaming, about what they had built or an epic battle, and quotes and words they came out with was from games they have played. It wasn't good at all. Really going cold turkey was the best and the only way, there was no possible way we could wean it off them gradually.  So cold turkey it was. Oh boy was that hard.  Even now I have to admit I miss it at times as it was a sure fire way to keep them quiet and entertained for a while, especially on a rainy day.  Will they make a comeback?  I am not sure, that is yet to be decided.  Its coming into winter soon and winter here is pretty damp and cold.

In saying all this, I too felt the conviction to cut down on screen time especially while the kids are around and seeing  me.  I feel like a hypocrite if I ban it from them and yet sit looking at a screen for one reason or another.  Solution; do the majority of my writing at night after they are in bed or get up extra early and write then (that one isn't going to happen in a hurry).  I don't want my children to grow up remembering the shape of the back of my head or me answering them '"I'm busy" while they know very well that I am not.  Its a hard habit to break. There is more living to do for everyone outside and away from screens. I want to live more, Don't you?   God has been challenging me on clearing out stuff that robs me of my time and my peace and while screen time was the first to go there is plenty more things to get rid of and clear out.  It feels good to have started. I'll keep you informed about my progress. (or un-progress)  I am determined to be ruthless!!! (but I may need a hand)

What do you need to get rid of in your life?

Where we are now.

Is it bed time yet?? This daylight savings thing has really knocked me for a six.  I mean I was wanting it to be bedtime at 2pm this afternoon!  I probably should go to bed once the kids are in bed but I can't I have a blog to write.  I must not let myself down!!!

Sorry no photos tonight,  oooooo you are in luck I found one pertaining to this post!

I get a few people every now and then that want to know what we are up to, how we are doing and where we are going.  So I thought I would give you a wee update on the daily life of the Budd family.

Its nearly been 2 1/2 years since Jamie suddenly lost his job. Two and a half years that have just flown by. Two and a half years that have been some of the hardest but totally the best years of our lives.  We firmly believe that we are where are right now is exactly where God wants us to be.  Last year Jamie took on the mammoth task of studying.  I say mammoth because it was such a task for him, for he barely made it through four years of high school.  I say mammoth because I think embarking on any kind of studying when you have a family to support and be a purposeful parent is AMAZING!!!!  He completed his Diploma of Ministry and this year we decided that he would continue with his study and complete a Diploma of Ministry Leadership.  I am super proud of him, super proud that he manages to study and complete his assignments well before they are due (unlike me who would leave it to the VERY last minute)  I am proud that he still is able to be an awesome involved Dad and loving husband.  I am proud that every time he preaches he just gets better and better. I so enjoy listening to him.

Graduation Day!!

(color co-ordination not intentional)

So in all this, me being proud of him and all tha,t there is real life.  Real everyday life. I am not going to lie to you and paint a pictures of rainbows and roses because it hasn't been.  Its been tough. I know I said earlier that its been the best years, they have but they still have been tough. Real tough.  Living off the a student allowance and family assistance (from the government) has not been easy. Not.At.All.   The word surviving comes to mind but is actually an understatement.  We have had some very hairy times. Like the time we where couldn't even afford 100g of shaved ham or a postage stamp. Oh we laughed at that, lay on our bed and laughed. I mean what else could you do.  BUT in all this we have seen and experience some amazing miracles of Gods providence.  Like the time when we had NO meat in the freezer and our food budget doesn't really extend to vast quantities of meat unfortunately.  In one day the day that we thought to ourselves 'What are we going to do?' (I kid you not) we got given three HUGE bags filled to the brim of meat, all from three DIFFERENT sources, all completely unrelated!  All sorts too, from roasts to chops, sausages to mince, beef, lamb and pork!  Talk about meat week at the Budds.  You can not deny God at work at times like those.  Yes there have been times when we really didn't know how we are going to get through the week or even the next few days. Those are the times when we have had to completely put all our strength and faith in God.  No bags of money fell out of the sky or magically appeared in our bank account but guess what - we did get through those days.  It just took some creativeness on my part in regards to meals etc.

Some maybe thinking, if you are where God wants you to be then why are you struggling so much?  Why are you just surviving??  You know I can't really say why - I am not God.  And if I am completely honest with you then I will tell you that there have been many times when I have asked God the same thing.  My conversations goes somewhat like this....
HELLLLLOOOOO GOD!!  COME IN GOD..... Are you there?
UM just wondering if you have forgotten us?  You know us....the Budds.....six kids.....studying your word...interning at church..... yeah you know THE BUDDS!"
But of course he doesn't ever forget us does he.  We may feel like it at times but he doesn't.

Joshua 1:9 says "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go"

God is with us - I like that! I LOVE that!  So my guess to why this is like it is, is this.  We are learning, learning and growing and stretching. My guess is that through us is an amazing testimony of Gods faithfulness, love and providence.  A testimony of Gods power!!  Who doesn't want to be used like that!!!  Jamie and I prayed many many years ago  that we wanted to be used be God in a powerful way, that we wanted to be a family of faith! And we couldn't get there by being rested on our laurels and left to our own devices!  I am ever so thankful. So thankful for this journey we are on.

My hardest time is when I think my kids are missing out on things. It really gets me down. I think its a Mama heart thing.  Our kids didn't ask for this crazy life that we are living and I pray frequently that they don't grow up resenting us, God, or our faith.  Reality is though - that in the grand scheme of things they aren't missing out on anything of great importance. No we can't go camping at the beach, No we can't just hop off to the movies, No we can't have takeaways tonight all that stuff is just stuff - not essential! They aren't starving and have a pretty good life if you ask me.  If we do the best we can I have every faith that God will do the rest!!

Life is full of surprises and our latest one wasn't really a surprise but was at the same time.  We find ourselves excitedly expecting another blessing - due in mid October.  We are very excited and can't wait to meet this little one.  Every child we have been blessed with has just added that something extra to our family and I have no doubt that this one will do the same.  Seven children!! I know crazy times right!!! Already the kids have been coming up with names, names that no one should EVER name their children but for some reason they think they are suitable!!

I often ask God for ideas for a home business so I could at least bring in some extra money. (Especially since I have spied some funky black boots that I might like!)  So far he hasn't given me anything and I am not the crafty creative type so I can't really make anything to sell.Crikey I am still crocheting a blanket that I started weeks ago and its just a dolls blanket!!  So for now I'll continue to do what I am doing and Jamie will continue to do what he is doing and we are happy!  Thankful and happy!

My prayer for you, is that you too will feel God and see God move in your life!  You are probably reading this going No no no no not if it means going through what you are!!! No no no!  But our story will not be the same as yours could be - your will be totally unique to you and your family!

"So do not fear; for I am with you; 

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

(my all-time favorite verse EVER!!!)

Me, the lolly cruncher!

Whilst very kindly and somewhat sacrificially sharing my all important supply of lemonade ice blocks with my kids I noticed something about myself. All my kids sat and slowly savoured their sticks of white coldness, I on the other hand chomped through mine like someone was waiting around the corner to steal it off me. Of course there wasn't but it didn't stop me from finishing it in record time.  I have come to the realization that I am a somewhat greedy kind of gal who chomps through lollipops, ice blocks and big pieces of chocolate. Yes people I am a lolly cruncher!  I have tried a number of times in the past to be a lolly sucker and made a huge effort to slow down and savour each tasty sweet morsel of yumminess but once the conscious effort has worn off, before I know it I have already chomped into it, scoffed it down and ready to pop the next piece of whatever into my mouth.  I can't help it. I am destined to be that way forever.  I will reluctantly share my chocolate only when put under pressure though and with only those who I hold dear to me.

The ultimate sign of being sick!

Bed Hair!

.

The common pastime of the last few weeks in the infirmary that is my house.



However I do not what to be that way in every facet of my life.  I have this inner need that drives me all the time to slow down and savor each and every moment. (In saying that I am not really wanting to slow down and savor each moment of being sick so would be quite happy to press the fast forward button on this one).  Lets face it - life is busy, busy no matter what you are doing, how many kids you have or how old you are.  We are always busy at doing something, and if you are anything like me then you are always trying to squeeze in more to your already busy day.

I try to have things through out my day when I make a conscious effort to stop, breath and be. Something I do everyday. Like my morning cup of coffee and my late afternoon cup of tea. I pour and sit and be. My morning coffee just doesn't hold the same appeal if I have to drink it on the run and have to reheat it 33 times. Coffee is made to be enjoyed. Also if I have someone to share a morning coffee with its just that much better. Jamie doesn't drink coffee so most of the time its just me and the coffee pot going it alone. I just love it when good friends stop by and I can share a cup of Joe with them. Same with my late afternoon cup of tea - tea I might add that is to brew in a tea pot.  Not heaven forbid a tea bag in a mug deal! shudder I generally don't need to eat anything but if there is a piece of lemony lemon slice going then yup I am all in!

 

Other things that remind me to slow down and breath are intimate moments that I share with my children. You know the moments when you are actually looking into their faces and are actually seeing them and who they are as if almost for the first time.  Sadly sometimes when this happens I feel like its been too long since I have looked at whoever like that. That always breaks my mamas heart.  Why oh why does it always take such a conscious effort to savor such moments?  If we aren't careful they can almost appear like they have been stolen.  Conscious effort is just that conscious effort, yes I did say EFFORT!  To truly savor a moment you have to 1. Recognize there is a moment to be had and 2. Choose to be truly present in that said moment. Which means one can not be thinking about how you were just about to hang out the washing, thinking about checking out Facebook or having you phone attached to your hand just waiting for the next text to come through.  I can say this because I have been there and done that at one time or another.  I truly believe that most people, maybe even everyone, wants to savor moments of their and/or their children's lives. I can't imagine too many people actually want to live in a lolly crunching scoffing place.  I don't. I want to be a lolly sucking gal all the way!

Check out this great big ball of cuteness!

          





There is things that have been plaguing my thoughts over the time that I have been sick.  Plus or minus side to being sick, you choose.  One of them being how to manage the multi age/stage family that I have.  Ages around range from 12 years to 9mths and I wouldn't have it any other way.  My challenge is at the moment is, How do I protect and nurture the magic and innocence of childhood for the younger ones whilst still engaging on a more maturing level with my older ones. Any suggestions or helpful pearls of wisdom from other mamas of multi age/stage families?

Three pet ducks introducing themselves to their temporary neighbours!