I Never Want to Forget

My apologies...its long...

Many of you know me, many of you don't and those that have been following my blogs over time will know that our lives were tipped upside down over three years ago when Jamie lost his job suddenly.  As you can imagine it was a time of broken-ness, frustration and worry and stress.  I didn't think we would last six weeks let alone three and a half years.  From time to time I have touched on our journey and wrote about how I was feeling, what was happening in family and what God was doing in our lives and through us.  God has never before been so evident and tangible to us personally, as a couple and as a family as he has in this time.

Here we are three and half years later, our world still shaking as we await Jamie's hip replacement and six to eight weeks of recuperation after it.  Then well......... its a blank space baby.  Do you know how that feels perhaps?  Its all very well to make plans of what is to happen next, to have an idea of where to from here but what happens when you are relying totally on God as we have done this entire time, to come up blank?  Its like the bottom has fallen out of time.

Its hard for people to understand this, to understand the journey that we are on, if they aren't believers or maybe haven't been at a time where they have had to or wanted to, put all their entire lives and trust in God. Its so hard.  I can understand why they would think we were nuts, think maybe we are being irresponsible or perhaps even lazy.  I can understand the frustration they might feel towards us. "How can you live like that?"  Its something that I have heard many a times.  I can live like this because its what we are called to do at this time.  Its not easy of course it isn't.  But my faith and trust in Him, my love for Him is strong and is real.

I don't want to ever forget this time. Ever. Period. I don't want to ever forget what it was like to lose a very very good income in a matter of hours. I don't want to ever forget what it was like to watch your husband be turned down for jobs time after time after time. I don't want to ever forget having to tell you children that from now on there is no pocket money, no treats, no new clothes or toys.  I don't want to forget what its like to lie in bed and try to work out how you will pay the power bill due the next day, to see your pantry supplies dwindle away without the means to replace them, to rummage through your freezer for meat for dinner and come up empty. I don't want to forget what its like to have 39c in your bank account or to have your card decline at the supermarket or to have to transfer money out of your kids account just so you can put ten dollars of petrol into your car. I don't want to forget the feeling of not being able to buy loved ones birthday presents. I don't want to forget what its like to have to ask to borrow some money to help pay for rent or to get a tooth fixed.  I don't want to ever forget what it was like to be receiving a food parcel from the community food-bank. A feeling of most intense gratefulness but of embarrassment all at the same time all the while seeing the glory that is of our God at his perfect timing. We learnt a big lesson in humility that day. I just don't want to forget.  We have always been very reluctant to ask for help as we figure that God knows all our needs and our hope is in him but there have been times where I think the lesson has been in humilty of having to ask for certain help.  I tell you it really really does suck!

Because if I forget then that means I would have to forget the miracles of God, the seeing of how God does provide and how it felt when he blesses you above and beyond your expectations. The feeling of seeing my husband studying something he is passionate about and preach Gods word for the first time.  The feeling of pride at seeing him graduate a straight A student.  The feeling of gratitude and amazement when you get given clothes for your kids of things they so desperately need.  The feeling of seeing God bless your son with a new bike days after he has poured his heart out asking God for one. The absolute gratitude when family and friends gift money unknowingly at just the right time so you can buy food or pay the power bill or put petrol in the car. The absolute thankfulness when someone provides you weekly with a fruit and vege box knowing that on some night fruit and veges is whats on the menu for dinner.  The feeling of knowing that family and friends have your back and are praying for you, understand where you are, support you where they can, lend a listening ear and share wise and encouraging words.  I don't want to ever forget.

I know you can essentially say that we have chosen this for ourselves and I suppose we have.  Yes we have chosen this, we have chosen to be and remain obedient to God and to follow the path that he has us on.  Yes it isn't normal for a family of 9 to be willingly on this journey I know this.  Don't you think I know this!  Sometime I don't want to be different because sometimes its get just hard, too hard and tears come, tired angry tears.  Tears of frustration, of "how long will this go on for" tears, "I can't do this anymore" tears or even "Come on seriously God?" tears!!

And here we are now...for us we are standing at the edge of our Red Sea, with the army of Egyptians crowding around us from all sides and are pressing in.  Our toes are about to get wet as the sea laps up onto the shore. All we see in front of us is a vast mighty ocean and the wind is whipping at our clothes and hair as we stand in wait. God has to move mightily He WILL move mightily. The sea we see before WILL part and we WILL walk through it dry and unharmed. In time, all in His time, His perfect timing. We will come through this victorious and righteous!!  Amen!! We just don't know what our other side looks like yet.

13 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will seethe deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

21 Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the Lorddrove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, 22 and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground,with a wall of water on their right and on their left.
                                             - Exodus 14 :13-22

Some of you may say....."if God was real and in this "where is he? or why doesn't he make things better for you?" Well he could, in an instant.  But what would we have learnt?  We wouldn't have seen all the miracles we have, we wouldn't have grown in ourselves, we wouldn't of learnt more of Him, we wouldn't of felt the love of our family and friends. I know we wouldn't have the heart for the lost, the poor and the needy that we now do.  He wouldn't be able to use us like he has and we would be unequipped to really connect, help and share the love of Christ with those who are where we are now.   Its one thing to say your faith is real and strong when you haven't suffered. Its easier to say that you believe when things have been rosy for you. I know we were there once.  Believing that God was happy and pleased with us because our lives were blessed. That he loved us because we were reasonably well off and were living in the "land of milk and honey".  But God wanted more from us, more faith, more trust and more obedience and over these past few years we have done our best to deliver.  We are not perfect. We get mad, lose faith, doubt Gods word (even though we have see him come through time and time again), we even believe that we are entitled to more. But God doesn't owe us anything.  Jesus is enough.

So do not fear, for I am with you;

    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

- Isaiah 41:10

Spring is Coming!!

"Your promises have been thoroughly tested; that is why I love them so much." - Psalm 199:140

Over time I have made no secret that we have been going through a "winter" season and not just in the literal sense but in a metaphorical sense as well.  This winter has been nearly three years now and our spring "feels" like it maybe just around the corner. We are hoping and praying. Praise God!  Like the time as winter fades and slowing becomes spring where we see less frosty days, more glimpses of colour in places where there was barrenness and dead-ness and we see and feel more of the sun and its warming rays. So is it for us. Gradually we are seeing less and less of the hard, dark and gloomy days where everything seems to be just plain sucky, more glimpses of days where there is a little more colour in our moments and more experiences of lighter times, brighter days and days where we can bask in the warmth of the sun.

Please understand that our winter hasn't been all bad or doom and gloom and while we have had some pretty low days and weeks, it has been an amazing time of cutting back, pruning, reassessing, and walking out our faith one small step at a time.  We have seen God move for us in the last three years than we have ever seen him move in our entire lives. Yes people we are a living testimony that Gods promises are true and his miracles are well and truly alive today as they were over 2000 years ago!

Yes things may have not gone to plan like we thought best but Gods plan for us as individuals, as a couple and as a family has been far better than we could of imagined for ourselves.  Our steps of faith have literally been one day at a time, one meal at a time and one bill at a time.  We have grown in character and in faith over these years.  I can say that while times and days have been hard, damn hard. I will be forever thankful that we had these years.

But in all that......there is a time for everything, a season for everything and I am up for a change now and "feel" that our spring is around the corner. I am believing for it now. And while I am thankful for our winter, and know that our winter has been important,,,,I am tired of winter. Its time for spring! Time for the sun, time for the flowers and the new life that spring brings.  (hey maybe that's why this baby will be a spring baby).  Unfortunately we all need winter times to bring us back to Him, back to our Creator, back to needing him and recognising that we are nothing without Him and without Him everything is pointless.  Without winter we simply cannot have regrowth and new life, redirection or refreshment.

Without winter one cannot simply bloom!

On a lighter note.....thanks to a beautiful friend and her gift to us, we now have a new "member" to our family, Meet....Clara.

She has made herself at home, like a favourite great aunt who comes to stay and sneaks peppermints to the kiddies when the parents aren't looking.  Oh how I love Clara. She is grandly beautiful!!

Only five to seven more weeks to go until we meet our wee blessing!! I have never been one for due dates so somewhere towards the end of Oct-ish, whenever this one decides to make its way into the world.  Exciting times!  Yes I know I need an updated pregnant belly photo...I'll work on it, promise!

One of my favourite things.
For me it epitomizes the new-ness and sacred-ness of a new blessing into the world. 

What season are you in?

Six Month Snapshot

Previously titled 'In my Life this Month' but I thought that I would rename it to the above as I only write one of these posts every six months.  I really don't think my life is THAT interesting to do one every month.  Today is Sunday and I am tired.  I think God had an excellent idea when he made the seventh day as a day of rest because today that is exactly what I felt like doing all afternoon.  Blessed myself I did with a L-O-N-G overdue chat with my bestie on the phone.  Lost count at how long we talked for because she had to ring me back and then I had to ring her back due to a wee man with a split lip and a banana that wouldn't properly peel for him.  You know tragic things like that!

So lets begin....

In our home school.....

Well its been the school holidays here for the past two weeks something that we observe.  There is no way that the kids would let me work them through the holidays for ANY reason.  Plus I need a break too....a break from the planning, the checking up on, the correcting, the hunting DAILY for pencils, pens, scissors and rubbers that mysteriously disappear EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!  I think there is a conspiracy going on here.

What we are planning to do for the upcoming term is follow a book called "How to Make a Apple Pie Around the World".  Obviously the lesson plans will be a little different for the older kids and the younger kids but they will both follow the book.  The story follows a young girl around the world as she collects different ingredients for her apple pie.  Each week we will look at the country that she visits and the ingredient that she collects, where it grows, how it is harvested, what its used for etc.  At the end of the book of course we will make an apple pie just like the girl in the book.  Also for the older kids I am planning to put together a MasterBaker programme. Where they can learn different aspects of baking (so they don't stick to baking the same thing as they tend to do). Biscuits, Slices, Pikelets, Cakes, Breads etc.  Once they have completed all those without supervision and are edible I'll award them with the MasterBaker Graduate Award.  So that is the plan for this term.  I say plan and use that term loosely as I know that at times my kids needs change. But that is the beautiful thing about homeschooling I guess.

I am inspired by..... this book as you know.

The beauty and generosity of people.

Just some of things been donated to Loving Arms

The beauty of colour.

Such vivid colours!

Places we are going....
Well even though it hasn't been the best holidays for us around here due to a number of things, ie Terrible winter colds and terrible winter weather, we haven't ventured to far from home. Even I have to admit that its been a little boring around here.  BUT we did manage to get to visit the zoo a few days ago.  It was cold to say the least but it was so nice to be out of the house and doing something together as a family. My favourite is and always will be the giraffes. I find them so fascinating.

People we are seeing....see above for reasons but not too many people.  I did however get to meet up with a very inspiring lady from the community who has big dreams and an even bigger heart for the people she wishes to help.

My favourite thing....
Not winter that's for sure! Hmmmm do I have a favourite thing?  My electric blanket at night, My husband been home for the past week on holiday, that's been cool.

What is working for us....
Turning down our hot water cylinder!  Knocked nearly $200 of our power bill!!  I know!!  I miss having an abundance supply of hot hot water but $200 when you don't have a lot is something I can live with.
Dividing up the areas of the house when it comes to tidying up.  Works reasonably well especially when I rotate who does what areas.  The worst area according to the children is the kitchen, the best area is the hallway and front and backdoor area!

What isn't working for us...
The kids playing soccer in the hallway. Results in a smashed window!  Not happy.
Winter colds and coughs - doesn't make for good sleeping.  Poor Jesse has had a bad head cold and all night I hear Mama Mama.  He sleeps holding my hand.

Questions/thoughts I have...
-How are we going to pay for the window? We can't go through winter with it boarded up.
-How much is too much?  We live in a society of inequality and excess.  Even though its a fact of life its not right and how do you fix it?
-Where is God taking us?  Even though I love the journey that we are on, it isn't easy at times and sometimes its a little unnerving not knowing where we are actually going?

Things that I am....
-Reading...Rhinestone Jesus by Kristen Welch
-1 Samuel
-Last Read...The Centurion  by Janette Oak and Davis Bunn
-Read...The Externally Focus Quest by Rick Rusaw and Eric Swanson ...so can't wait to read that one even though its been ordered and hasn't actually arrived yet.
-Watching...Not a lot really.  I have been quite busy with various projects on the go I don't have time to watch much on TV.  I can't even remember the last movie I sat and watched and enjoyed.

I am cooking...Spaghetti and meatballs, Pizza, and I am getting really good at doing roasts too even if I say so myself.

I am grateful for...
-My husband.  He really is super. Loved having him home this week and having no outside extracurricular activities to get to.
-Our upcoming weekend away in Taupo with my sister and her family and my Mum.  So can't wait for that.  Here is hoping we can get to the snow.
-The blessing of meat.  We were blessed with a large amount of meat a week or so ago.  Meat is expensive here and I only buy it if I have too. Up until now we have been living on venison (which isn't a bad thing) but it makes a nice change having beef.
-God's continual guidance and provision. This is a common theme in my posts I know but I really am very grateful.   Two and half years since our journey began and we are still here and our daily walk though hard at times is such a blessing.
-A supportive family, friends and church. Our journey would be that much harder without them.
-This new little life that grows inside of me.   I am just about to head into my last trimester and this little ones kicks and flutters will turn into cuddles and kisses.  I am embracing this precious time because he or she is born I will have to share.

I am praying for...
-Gods continual guidance and providence.
-Growth and direction of Loving Arms. For the community to be moved by the need and mobilized into action.
-The health of the family
-The birth of this wee baby.  Not even going to pretend that my last birth wasn't hard and challenging.

Day in the Life Photos...

A rest stop at the zoo!

Maybe its because the kids are home schooled but they seem to a bit slow on the uptake of 'school yard fads'. Is that a bad thing?  But once they were introduced into the house these loom bands threatened to overtake our house. Provided a lot of hours of entertainment though.

Me at 24 weeks pregnant!

How Kaitlyn and I spent one wet afternoon.

Winter Art!

I have been getting my knit on lately.  

This pattern is so easy and if I can do it anyone can!

Found this recipe for homemade crumpets...who knew!

They were the best, a little time consuming but oh so good!!!

What are you doing this July?

Sunday

Its Sunday.  And you know what I don't really have anything for you today. Nothing. Zilch. Zero. So I am just going to write for a while and see what comes out.

Truth is its been one of those weeks, those weeks when you just go through the motion, just doing what you do to make it through. I hate living like that. It seems so....boring, so unpurposeful (spell check tells me that that it isn't word - oh well, English teachers don't look now).  I hate to feel like I am just ticking time, ticking moments, ticking jobs off.  To me that isn't living, well definitely not living very well.  I know you can't always have "moments", "excitement" "revelations" and that sometimes life just does happen around you.
But  B-O-R-I-N-G!!!

It doesn't help that I am in the throes of morning (all day and night) sickness, have a headache that just won't go away and that I want to scratch out the inside of my mouth of that awful metallic taste you get when you are pregnant.  And oh and the hunger the hunger is the worst!!!  This pregnancy I have been so hungry all of the time.  I can eat a full dinner and I am hungry in like ten minutes, fluffing around the pantry for something else to eat.  Pathetic isn't it!  I am not usually one to complain, but there you have it all my complaints in one go. I'll stop now.

And here is my 13 week pregnant self! 

 Please excuse the 'I-have-just-had-Sunday-afternoon-nap-I-have-a-headache' look that I have going on!

This week has been busy. Meetings, four soccer practices, schooling, kid drop offs at various activities, sleepovers etc. It rained for three days straight in which my washing piled high to the moon and most of my kids decided to changed their duvet (bed) covers one night and threw the previous ones in the wash. We have no dryer, need I say more!  I weaned Jesse (16mths) well he actually weaned himself which in all honesty took me a while to come to terms with. Plus I knew that the rest of my family were coming together in another part of the country far away from here to farewell an Aunty, my Mums sister Nina.  I  also survived my husband been away for five nights which makes me appreciate him even more, be in awe of solo Mums who do this every single day of there lives and to the men and women who spouses are overseas or away for long period of time.  You all ROCK I tell you!!!

I know we can't always have it happy happy joy joy. We can't always be living on the highs of life.  If we did we definitely wouldn't appreciate them and the remarkable moments and opportunities that come across our paths.  But putting things in perspective though I did have some lovely moments of my crazy boring week.

- Steps were made to bring me closer to launching a ministry for new mothers - I am super duper excited about that!
- I spent time an afternoon with a precious friend who got my washing in AND folded it while I napped on the couch. (you can only do that with precious friends)
- I got to lead a wonderful bible study with equally wonderful ladies. Beautiful ladies with huge hearts who inspire me, encourage me and challenge me.  What a privilege!
- My husband bought home enough meat to fill our freezer!  Oh so grateful for that!
- Got to celebrate with an amazing couple (who just happens to be my brother in law and his fiance) their engagement! Great night!
 - Was able to catch up with my bestie, in person!  You can never do enough of that!
- Got to go to church to worship our amazing God and chill and catch up with members of our church family.
- AND finally tonight, my husband is cooking dinner YEAH BABY!!  AND its venison back steaks in red wine and garlic jus (fancy word for sauce - yeah I can be a little bit fancy)

So I managed to pepper out some highs to my week. Things that I can appreciate, cherish and thankful for. Things that force me to look back and think well my week wasn't so bad after all.  Can you do that?

Hey would you look at that, I did manage to have something to say, something for you after all!  It really isn't like me to NOT have anything to say, I had just to dig a little deeper this week.

How has your week been?

Where we are now.

Is it bed time yet?? This daylight savings thing has really knocked me for a six.  I mean I was wanting it to be bedtime at 2pm this afternoon!  I probably should go to bed once the kids are in bed but I can't I have a blog to write.  I must not let myself down!!!

Sorry no photos tonight,  oooooo you are in luck I found one pertaining to this post!

I get a few people every now and then that want to know what we are up to, how we are doing and where we are going.  So I thought I would give you a wee update on the daily life of the Budd family.

Its nearly been 2 1/2 years since Jamie suddenly lost his job. Two and a half years that have just flown by. Two and a half years that have been some of the hardest but totally the best years of our lives.  We firmly believe that we are where are right now is exactly where God wants us to be.  Last year Jamie took on the mammoth task of studying.  I say mammoth because it was such a task for him, for he barely made it through four years of high school.  I say mammoth because I think embarking on any kind of studying when you have a family to support and be a purposeful parent is AMAZING!!!!  He completed his Diploma of Ministry and this year we decided that he would continue with his study and complete a Diploma of Ministry Leadership.  I am super proud of him, super proud that he manages to study and complete his assignments well before they are due (unlike me who would leave it to the VERY last minute)  I am proud that he still is able to be an awesome involved Dad and loving husband.  I am proud that every time he preaches he just gets better and better. I so enjoy listening to him.

Graduation Day!!

(color co-ordination not intentional)

So in all this, me being proud of him and all tha,t there is real life.  Real everyday life. I am not going to lie to you and paint a pictures of rainbows and roses because it hasn't been.  Its been tough. I know I said earlier that its been the best years, they have but they still have been tough. Real tough.  Living off the a student allowance and family assistance (from the government) has not been easy. Not.At.All.   The word surviving comes to mind but is actually an understatement.  We have had some very hairy times. Like the time we where couldn't even afford 100g of shaved ham or a postage stamp. Oh we laughed at that, lay on our bed and laughed. I mean what else could you do.  BUT in all this we have seen and experience some amazing miracles of Gods providence.  Like the time when we had NO meat in the freezer and our food budget doesn't really extend to vast quantities of meat unfortunately.  In one day the day that we thought to ourselves 'What are we going to do?' (I kid you not) we got given three HUGE bags filled to the brim of meat, all from three DIFFERENT sources, all completely unrelated!  All sorts too, from roasts to chops, sausages to mince, beef, lamb and pork!  Talk about meat week at the Budds.  You can not deny God at work at times like those.  Yes there have been times when we really didn't know how we are going to get through the week or even the next few days. Those are the times when we have had to completely put all our strength and faith in God.  No bags of money fell out of the sky or magically appeared in our bank account but guess what - we did get through those days.  It just took some creativeness on my part in regards to meals etc.

Some maybe thinking, if you are where God wants you to be then why are you struggling so much?  Why are you just surviving??  You know I can't really say why - I am not God.  And if I am completely honest with you then I will tell you that there have been many times when I have asked God the same thing.  My conversations goes somewhat like this....
HELLLLLOOOOO GOD!!  COME IN GOD..... Are you there?
UM just wondering if you have forgotten us?  You know us....the Budds.....six kids.....studying your word...interning at church..... yeah you know THE BUDDS!"
But of course he doesn't ever forget us does he.  We may feel like it at times but he doesn't.

Joshua 1:9 says "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go"

God is with us - I like that! I LOVE that!  So my guess to why this is like it is, is this.  We are learning, learning and growing and stretching. My guess is that through us is an amazing testimony of Gods faithfulness, love and providence.  A testimony of Gods power!!  Who doesn't want to be used like that!!!  Jamie and I prayed many many years ago  that we wanted to be used be God in a powerful way, that we wanted to be a family of faith! And we couldn't get there by being rested on our laurels and left to our own devices!  I am ever so thankful. So thankful for this journey we are on.

My hardest time is when I think my kids are missing out on things. It really gets me down. I think its a Mama heart thing.  Our kids didn't ask for this crazy life that we are living and I pray frequently that they don't grow up resenting us, God, or our faith.  Reality is though - that in the grand scheme of things they aren't missing out on anything of great importance. No we can't go camping at the beach, No we can't just hop off to the movies, No we can't have takeaways tonight all that stuff is just stuff - not essential! They aren't starving and have a pretty good life if you ask me.  If we do the best we can I have every faith that God will do the rest!!

Life is full of surprises and our latest one wasn't really a surprise but was at the same time.  We find ourselves excitedly expecting another blessing - due in mid October.  We are very excited and can't wait to meet this little one.  Every child we have been blessed with has just added that something extra to our family and I have no doubt that this one will do the same.  Seven children!! I know crazy times right!!! Already the kids have been coming up with names, names that no one should EVER name their children but for some reason they think they are suitable!!

I often ask God for ideas for a home business so I could at least bring in some extra money. (Especially since I have spied some funky black boots that I might like!)  So far he hasn't given me anything and I am not the crafty creative type so I can't really make anything to sell.Crikey I am still crocheting a blanket that I started weeks ago and its just a dolls blanket!!  So for now I'll continue to do what I am doing and Jamie will continue to do what he is doing and we are happy!  Thankful and happy!

My prayer for you, is that you too will feel God and see God move in your life!  You are probably reading this going No no no no not if it means going through what you are!!! No no no!  But our story will not be the same as yours could be - your will be totally unique to you and your family!

"So do not fear; for I am with you; 

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

(my all-time favorite verse EVER!!!)

When They Are Sick.

I am so bummed right about now, my camera has a permanent black spot on the lens.  So be warned if I happen to snap a picture of you, you could be sporting a new beauty spot.  I am also bummed because I have a very sick and miserable wee man.  Its hard when any of your kiddies are sick but the smaller they are the more my heart breaks for them as they just don't understand what the hang is going on.  It all started on Thursday when I took Jesse off to the doctors for possibly the worlds worst nappy rash that seem to have developed over night.  While I was dressing him I notice a couple of red blotches on his stomach.  Like most parents who discover strange looking rashes, MENINGITIS screamed through my head but I quickly dispelled that thought as he was well and happy.  By the time I got to the Dr the rash had spread more on his stomach and round to his back. Red, Hot, Raised, and Blotchy.

Allergic reaction to something. To what, I didn't have a clue.  I felt bad, real bad. Aren't you suppose to know if they have eaten new foods, eaten poisonous leaves or rolled in strange grasses? (A real possibility in my family) All I could come up with was - Peaches, I thought it might of been peaches.

Day Two - Rash had spread further even after two doses of Antihistamine. It was down his legs and arms now. Back to the Dr again.  I really hate questioning or second guessing Drs or the like but I really thought they should of started him on a steroid.  So that's exactly what they did. You know there is something strange going on when every Dr you see brings in another for a look and a second opinion.  That afternoon saw us going back to the Dr just so she could see if there was any improvement which there was - Yah!! 

Day Three - After a terrible night with him - he woke with a roaring temp, the shakes, spreading rash and swollen eyes, hands and feet.  Something the nurse in me knew shouldn't of happened after two does of Steroids.  Oh my sweet precious one!!  I downed a half a cup of tea and a piece of toast, packed a bag. Nappies, Wipes, Clothes, Phone, Biscuits, Muesli Bars, Water, and Phone (You know the usual things you pack when you don't know what will happen and where you will end up).  Back at the Dr - *sigh* beginning to feel I should have shares in the place!  She sent me packing, not home but off up to the hospital this time!

For me the worrying thing was the bruising/purple colour that was appearing where the rash had been.  Poor Jesse wasn't well at all.  

After nearly three hours in the Emergency Department, Jesse screaming every time someone touched him, entered the room or even looked at him and a hideous blood test (from the FOOT) later. We got to go home armed with appropriate medications, extremities plastered from puncture wounds (they had four goes at drawing blood) and bits of paper.  The outcome a severe reaction to a bug in the blood to put it in layman's terms.   So hopefully the poor wee man is on the mend now.  He is still severely slacked off with the world and is super cuddling and wants to drink from me ALL the time - not ideal when you are in the process of trying to wean.  My heart hurt for him today, when he wanted to sleep but kept being woken, when he was being poked and prodded and looked at, when he was swaddled, restrained on the bed, screaming and not understanding why I was letting this happen to him.  Oh how my heart hurt as I whispered reassuring words and pleading prayers in his ears while covering his face with kisses.    

Today made me think of the children (and parents) whom this is everyday life for.  The children with ongoing chronic and sometimes terminal illnesses. My heart hurt for them so bad.  We are blessed, we got to come home today, we have an answer and a treatment, we have a God to whom we can pray to, draw strength from and to cry out to. A God who gives us hope and comfort.  He knows, He KNOWS what every parent is going through when they are watching their child suffer.  I am so thankful for Him.

He actually looks like he has been stung by a bee, even his eyes and lips are swollen!

Healing Sleep!!

Check out those puffy hands!!

There are a couple of things that I learnt along the way today:

1) Interesting rashes make for interesting viewing.  I got all sorts of stares and sympathetic nods as I walked through the car park, Emergency department, chemist. Even the hospital staff took the opportunity to peek.  Can't blame them really it was really impressive and I so would of done that when I was a nurse - I am nosy like that!

2) When assessing your child's temperature the answer "I don't know what his temperature was but he was on fire when I kissed his forehead this morning and plus he had the shakes - so it was pretty high" doesn't really cut the mustard in the medical field.

3) Pack more food, especially if you are like me who needs to eat otherwise embarrassing things may start to happen like fits of sneezing! Someone else please come forward and tell me sneezing when you are hungry happens to you!!!

4) The question "Is he allergic to anything?" Seemed like such a bizarre question to be asking today?!

5) If you are watching a DVD that has the subtitle option turned on, you read the words rather than watch the movie even though its in English!!  Learnt this during my time in the Kids Emergency Department while watching 'Surfs Up' twice. - Funny movie!!

5) My husband is amazing.  Not only did he manage to dress five kids and himself in pirate costumes, drop them off, dash to a meeting for an hour (yes still dressed as a pirate) and get back to the party. But he still managed to make sausage rolls and do the dishes before he left as well!!

Hopefully this wee man will be back to his normal self very soon!!!

Here is hoping your precious wee ones are healthy and happy.

In My Life This Month 3

So its been six months since I last did a "In My Life This Month" post. I suppose I should name it "Six Month Snapshot" or something. Thoughts???  Thank you to all my readers that have been checking in and been catching up on what we have been up to. I still get a kick out of the fact that people read what I write (and like it) It gives me warm fuzzies!  A lot can happen in ones family, in six months.  Things are forever changing.  I am getting better at accepting change and I can say that is only due to the fact that right now I feel like a boat without an anchor being taken along by the tide and the wind. 

On that note lets begin....


In our home school.....

Its just four weeks into the new school year and we are doing great!  I am feeling really positive about it too.  I have been working on being more disciplined with organisation.  This doesn't come naturally for me not to the degree that I have been anyway.  I am more naturally a "lets do what I feel like doing" or "it will be alright, no worries" type of person.  But with five kiddies needing my guidance and help with schooling I was in serious need of a system. 

I know I had this photo last time but I am pretty proud of myself about it!

 

One of my favourite things that some of the kids have done is discovering and learning the ancient Japanese art of Origami. (While it is actually only paper folding, doesn't the words 'ancient' and 'art'  make it sound so glamorous?)

 

So far we have made frogs and butterflies.  These frogs actually hop too!  Google is amazing!

I am inspired by.....SUMMER!  Oh how I love Summer!  Long summer days, hot evenings, cool drinks, swimming, and being outdoors.  Just to name a few!  Most definitely my favourite time of the year.

 

I love the vivid colours in this photo!  Unfortunately the grass is no longer green anymore due to the lack of rain.

 

I love how the sun makes the leaves on this tree glow!

 

Camping, my most favourite thing to do in summer!



 

Places we are going and people we are seeing....

 

Apart from our camping holiday we haven't really ventured too far a field this summer.  We had a day out at an International Polo game a couple of weekends ago.  I am pretty sure that we had set up camp right next to possibly the worlds flashiest horse truck. (Well actually they set up next to us)  I would love to know how they get and keep even the horse bit shiny and polished. It was cleaner and shinier than the inside of our van!  I wish I was brave enough to snap off some photos of it because it really was an eye opener.

 

We braved the rain while setting up but it soon cleared and boy did it get hot!



 

Part of Polo tradition  is that at half time the crowd watching ventures on to the field and if they find a divot they are suppose to put it back into its hole.  

 

 Jesse and I positioned ourselves at the corner for a time where we could get a great view complete with sound effects of the riders changing their horses, something that they do every four or five minutes.  They do this without even getting off the horse, they just jump from one to the other.

My favourite thing this month.....





 

Seeing my children enjoy what they are doing in school.  Tickles me pink!

Fluffy Lattes on the deck during morning break.

 

Check out my 'staff room!'



Love notes from my daughter!

What is working for us...

 

-Being more organised! 

-Having one of the kids bake every morning is helping me out a lot.  I love baking but having to do it on a daily basis can turn it into a chore especially when I have wee helpers that actually just want to eat the batter! 

-Incorporating computer based learning into our curriculum.

-Fitting in a workout in the afternoon.   I have been exercising for well over a year now and I can honestly say its become part of my lifestyle.  I don't feel right if I don't workout.  The kids are great and will look after Jesse so I can have my half an hour to myself if he isn't asleep.  Thanks kids!  I have just finished Jillian Michaels 30 day shred Challenge - Go ME!! My kids spent the last week counting down the days I had left of it and showered me with congratulations yesterday when I completed my last day of Level 3. Now I am off to find my next challenge!  Check it out here if you are curious. Thoroughly recommend it!! 30 Day Shred - Level one

 

What isn't working for us......

 

-The wind!!  For most of the summer the wind has been blowing the wrong way and straight in our backdoor.

Our lack of consistent water!  While this summer we have only run out of water once or twice because we have been super diligent at keeping an close eye on it.  Our vege garden is suffering from lack of rain and lack of water being pumped up from the farm tank.  I am frustrated!  You can't have abundant crops when you lack water!!

Flies!  I HATE FLIES!!!  I am convinced we have some kind of mutant strain of them here because they just don't DIE!!!

 

Question/thoughts I have.....

What will happen at the end of this year when Jamie finishes his studies?  What do I feel like eating?  (just being honest) Where can I find a pig?   How are we going to get through this next lot of birthdays coming up?   When do I plant leeks? 

 

Things that I am .... Reading - Waddi Creek by Kerry McGinnis                                                 

                                               - 1 Kings Chapter 6 to 8

                             Last Read  - Bloom by Kelle Hampton (a must read but seriously have a boxful                                                                                                 of tissues at the ready)

                              To Read   - ???  I don't have anything on the "to read' list at present, suggestions??

 

I am Cooking/Eating.....

-Lemon Slice, Chicken Salads, Chorizo Pizzas, Curries!!  I am in love with Indian Food.

 

I am grateful for.....An amazing husband, family, friends,and Healthy Children - especially after last summer!

 

I am praying for.....Gods provision and guidance I know I write this all the time but its our reality. We are in need of his DAILY provision. Jamie, as he begins his year of study.  Guidance as I launch a new ministry out into the community to assist new mothers this year - exciting as it is its also super scary!

 

Day in the Life Photos

 

This gorgeous wee man turned 1 in December. He brings such joy and laughter into our home. Before he was born it was hard to image our family being anymore cooler but it is so much better for having him in it!!

 

I love that my sweet girls still love to hold my hand!

 I have to be honest I hate it when they do this but they always have so much fun. I cringe inside at the thought of sand in the hair, in the clothes and being traipsed through the house!

 

I just love my house!

                                                

 

 

So how has your February been this year??



 

 

Friendship

Ok so you all know that I have learnt a lot over the past 16months or so. A lot about myself, about my family and friends and about my God.  This journey that we are on still continues to surprise me, stretch me and shove me rudely out of my comfort zone.  I am learning to be ever so flexible and that's cool.  No longer do I have a 'tidy' life (ha did I ever), no my life is ever-changing and highly unpredictable and you know what I am beginning to like it.

 

Slowly slowly I am beginning to find my groove, my place, my role in all this changing. I know I need to go easy on myself and recognise the fact that what we are doing is mostly seen by 'the untrained eye' as something impossible.  You know just living on a Student Allowance with six kids and home schooling, you know that kind of stuff.  We have very little idea about what next week will bring, but that's OK. Its all part of the adventure.  However just so you know, it still freaks me out from time to time when I see a need and have no idea how we are going to meet it. It scares me silly.  I am getting good at faking it, you know where you put on a fake happy face and say all is well.  There is a time for that.  Like when you have two girls whose birthdays are coming up and seemingly no way to buy presents for those special little people in your life.  But birthdays they did have, with presents, cake and a celebratory afternoon tea even!  AND we are no worse for wear because of it and my children are none the wiser.   We do share some things with them but I don't think it would be wise to share all our struggles.





One thing that I have learnt during this time is the power of friendship, REAL friendship, REAL relationships.  Oh they are just so important and powerful.  Throughout my life I have struggled with friendships especially when I was school age. I don' t know why I just did. I would have friends one day and then the next day they wouldn't like me anymore. I think this left scars on my heart more than I would care to admit until recently.  I know I guarded my heart for a long long time much to the detriment of myself.  I found myself sharing my life only 'oh so much' and then bang up went a wall, no one would get any further.  Fortunately over recent years that has changed and I have come to realise that there are women out there that genuinely care and love me.  Those women are my closest friends and I love them dearly.  Those are the women that I can share my heart, ALL of my heart and know there will be no judgment or no jealousy - (both very ugly traits in women).  Those are the women that I call on to 'download' to, share my fears and my joys with, and would be here in a moment if I needed them to be.  Friendships cannot thrive on competition, superficial-ness, judgement and jealousy. But on love, honesty, encouragement, loyalty and kindness. Thank God that I am free now to be able to enjoy such friendships.  The beginning of last year I miscarried a wee baby (bitter sweet now of course - because we have been blessed with wee Jesse). During that time my heart physically hurt though I got through that time due to my faith in God, sharing my heart with a couple of close friends helped in ways that I never thought possible.  They cried with me, held me and listened through all my raw and powerful emotions - really enough to scare anyone away, far far away.  

 

Real friends are super encouraging and genuinely pleased for you when some thing good and exciting happens for you.  Real friends don't care if you have crumbs on your bench tops and dead flies on the windowsills (a reality in my world). Real friends won't ask if you need help, they just help un-asked and won't take no for an answer when you protest. Real friends don't freak out when you cry the 'ugly cry' (you know the one where you are sobbing so hard you can't talk, have snot pouring out your nose and your mascara is dripping down your face). Real friends will have your back in the midst of adversity, not run a mile because it gets too hard for a while. Real friends will make you feel invigorated and alive after spending time with them, they will change your outlook, give you energy and inspire you. Real friends just know when and how to listen. Real friends are like putting on comfy PJs and bed socks after being in tight jeans and high heels for a whole day - familiar, welcoming and easy. Most importantly they will be happy that you are you, and want to see you live your best life!

(I don't actually wear tight jeans and high heels but I know you catch my drift)

Photo by Kaysha Leigh Budd

 

It such a cliché but life is too short to waste on pursuing unhealthy friendships.  Not only are they a hindrance to you living your best life but they really do suck the life out of you and leave you feeling frustrated, flat, negative and apathetic. 

 

Kelle Hampton of 'Enjoying the Small Things' fame and author of the book

Bloom

 (a must read if you ever get the chance)

talks about her 'net', that is a net of real friends that catch you when you need it and prop you up and continue to do so until you can stand by yourself again.  My so called 'net' isn't big and certainly not as big as hers but its my 'net' of friends who truly have my heart and I love them for it. 
I don't even need to tell these people who they are, they already know.
I am blessed, truly blessed.