10 Things I have Learnt as a Parent

As a Mama to 6, soon to be 7 beautiful blessings there are somethings well actually a lot of things I have learnt over the past 13 years.  Wow 13 years!  Yes my eldest turned 13 just a few weeks back.

My handsome 13 year old!!

A bitter sweet moment, as we all love to watch our children grow but it definitely makes me sad because time does go so fast.  Too fast.  I know 13 years it not really that long and that their are a huge number of mothers out there who have been mothering a lot longer than I.  Not only that, there are probably a huge number of mothers that are far more evolved in their mothering journey than I too.  BUT  there are lessons that I have learnt over my 13 years that I thought I would share with you, my readers.  Shall I share....

1.   Parent as it feels right to you.  DO NOT parent for anyone else.  For far too long I parented my first one, two, three children for other people.  Probably because I didn't have a lot of confidence in myself and I was too busy trying to raise perfect children to please others and to make myself look good.  Over time I have learnt to trust in myself, trust in my children and go by what my Mama heart feels is right for my children.  I wouldn't go as far to say that there isn't a wrong way to parent because I do believe there is a wrong way.  But if you honestly have your children's best interests at heart then you are doing great!  By all means read the books, listen to the 'experts' and talk to Grandma but YOU make the decisions that are best for YOUR children.  YOU know them best!

2.   Your children will help you rediscover your sense of wonder!  I love watching small children as they discover the world around them. From the leaky hose to the garden full of earthworms, everything is exciting and amazing to them.  If you let them they will teach you how to be amazed by and appreciate the very small to the gigantic world around us.  This of course may mean you get dirtier and wetter and totally out of your comfort zone than ever before but that can only be good for us can't it!?

3.  You will be embarrassed by your children - many many times!  Actually I think they are created with the ability to force us to leave our dignity behind. From poo-ing through their nappy AND their clothes AND our clothes in front of the corporate-friend-with-no-kids-who-thinks-they-have-all-the-answers-that-you-haven't-seen-for-ages to biting giant chunks out of a number of deli cheeses forcing you to buy said deli cheeses and vomiting on the carpet and all over you at the doctors surgery to THEY WILL EMBARRASS YOU!  Get use to it.......and you will!

4.   Children are people too.  Yes I think we all know that but do we act like it - I don't know.  It really should go without saying really but you will be amazed at how many people don't realize that they aren't extending the same respect to their children as they do to every other adults in the their life.  Really in a nutshell we shouldn't really be speaking to and doing to our children that we wouldn't be saying or doing to any other adult. Sadly for some reason that is a really touchy subject for a lot of people to get their head. around and even sadder some people will severely disagree with me.

5.  You will find yourself saying the most ridiculous things ever!! Things like"Please get your feet off the cheese" (actually it was damn cheese if I am honest).  "Please don't chase your brother with that plank of wood."  "Turn the drop saw off, now!!"  "Please stop making snowmen out of your mashed potato." "No you cannot buy eggs and sell them out the gate" "You don't need to stab your sister with a pencil" "Get the drawer out of the bath - it is not a boat"  and "Stop drinking the tomato sauce!"  I could go on and on and on.  I have plenty of them.  I use to think my children were exceptionally unusual but since realised ALL children are the same.

6.   Children's sense of imagination is NEVER-ENDING and will continue to amaze you (and entertain you) but only if you let it.  I love hearing my children play games, build stuff, create worlds, and invent characters but with all this imagining going it may mean one thing for you. You are going to have to listen to them even when you can't be bothered.  You just might have to stop and listen patiently while they explain the ins and outs of their latest lego creation.  Or it may mean you might have to incorporate a pumpkin person into their daily lives.  Or sometimes it may mean that you just have to laugh and move on.  Tonight Sophie told me that she just couldn't eat her "Mr Meat Pattie" friend that she had created on her dinner plate buy squirting on a smiley face onto her meat pattie.  A very clever way of getting out of eating her dinner I thought.

These imaginary friends lasted a good few days before they went back to being....well play doh and pumpkins!

7.  You will be cleaning up messes in places that you never thought could possible .  From smeared poo to vomit, squished play-doh to hair died in tomato sauce. I have had snot-covered sultanas and sparkly pink beads up noses and chewing gum in hair.  Paint and mud covered bodies and sand down pants.  You name it I have cleaned it. But no matter how many messes you clean up there is always another one not too far away.

8.  As mothers (and as fathers) we are all on the same team - well we should be anyway.  We have all embarked on the worlds toughest mission - parenthood.  There should be no labels, no us versus them but TEAM US!!!  Unfortunately right from the get go we are divided and boxed up into our (often self) given labels.  Normal birth vs C-section birth, Hospital birth vs Home birth, Vaccinators vs Non-vaccinators, Breast feeders vs Bottle feeders, Cot-sleepers vs Co-sleepers, Home schoolers vs Mainstream school, again I could go on and on. Coffee groups and friendships have ended over these labels. None of that matters! Well it shouldn't.  I know we believe that what we do is the right way to do it and that is why we do it but don't be so arrogant it's definitely not the only way of doing it.  We all make the decisions based on what we think is right (hopefully)  and that is our right as parents.   I really do go out of my way to encourage ALL mothers (and fathers) on this amazing journey of parent-hood no matter what 'box' they may fit into.  A little bit of positive encouragement can go along way and we all need that from time to time.

9.  You are never alone. NEVER!  Unless of course your children are out for the day.  Don't try and sneak a chocolate biscuit when you think they are outside because they will walk in and catch you.  Making a phone call while the kids are around - near impossible!  I have found myself hiding in my bathroom with my foot jammed up against it so whoever is banging on the door can't get it, all while talking on the phone.  Going to the toilet alone is no longer a right, its a reward!  Little fingers under the door, small eyes as an audience, important questions like "Can I have a biscuit?" or "Can I paint my face?" being fired at you through the door.  I'll even admit I have had sad little people sit on my knee while......ok ok too much information!!  You will learn the art of having a conversation over and above WWIII, a game of chase, a nerf gun war zone and pre-dinner madness.

10.   You will never laugh as hard, cry as much, be as angry, worry as much, lose as much sleep, be as tired. You will never be as proud, as happy, or as fearful. You will never hurt as much, sacrifice as much, and LOVE as much as you do now.  You will know the true meaning of unconditional love like never have before. There is nothing that these little blessings will and can do, that would change how much you love them. You will experience such joy and passion just from the smallest things but they will be the biggest things in the world to you. From little arm squeezes around your neck to sweet butterfly kisses on your cheek. From the playful arm punch to the endearing message from your now teenage son. These are the things that matter, that keep us going in all those tough times.  Those are things are fuel for our hearts.

What things have you learnt along your journey?

A Moose in the Driveway!

Some may be wondering a little about the title of this post. Given that here in New Zealand we have no moose.  But the title is my new favourite say, my catch phrase if you please.  Its what I say out loud to myself or to whoever is with me when ever I maybe about to hit a speed bump (or pot hole depends how you look at it).

 

 

So let me tell you how this new saying of mine came to be.

It was Christmas Day and we were driving home at night from my sister in laws/ best friend house, it was late and it was dark. The kids were tired and chocca full of yummy Christmassy food as was both Jamie and I.  We were just about to turn down our road and I turned and I said to Jamie "What would you do if there was a moose in our driveway?"  Now I don't know if this is a good thing but he is quite used to my random questions and statements that I make, so he didn't really bat an eyelid and just said "I don't know? But it would be kind of random wouldn't it?"  Well yes and it would be very very highly unlikely that we would ever come across a moose in our driveway.  Like I am talking about being 99.9% sure that that would never happened. (As much as that would be kinda cool being that Jamie is an avid hunter and a lover of all things Alaskan) Hmmm he didn't know what he would do because he wouldn't be expected it, would he?  We left the conversation there and I noticed that five out of six of the kids were asleep and history tells me that waking kids up to get them out of the car and into bed is not a pleasant experience. Ever!

 

 So I said to Jamie "Right lets do this. Instead of expecting the kids to all wake calmly and walk into the house and put themselves to bed without a word of any sort... Lets expect at least four kids to cry, one to discover that their legs don't work anymore and will require carrying,  at least two of them will discover something bleeding and require plasters. All of them will need a drink and then to go to the toilet. At least half of them won't know where their Pyjamas are and will need another drink.  Someone will be itchy somewhere and need cream.  Maybe um two will need spew bowls because they feel sick (one may even vomit) and another two will need a banana because they are hungry.  Some will want the hall light on and some won't.  At least someone will ask for a story even though its like four hours past their bedtime.  And another will want a another drink of water and then spill it in their beds which require a complete pyjama and bed change.  IF we expect all that (and that's more likely that the above will happen than finding a moose in the driveway) if we expect all that and we can ready ourselves to deal with whatever comes our way in a calm and peaceful parent way. Anything less than the above will be a pleasant bonus! Amazingly only about half of that happened AND we totally ROCKED the whole bedtime parenting thing that night with peace and oodles of patience.  Like I mean totally ROCKED IT OUT!

 

So what's with the moose then?  My "moose" is all the unexpected things that could possibly go wrong that could potentially ruin your plans, make you late or steal your peace.  "Moose" can come in all shapes and sizes. Like your child's need to go to the bathroom 57 times while you are out. Or wet pants, spilled drinks, tomato sauce on the new dress.  Its the children who decide to swim in a mud puddle just before bed or the child who rings up from Grandmas late at night and wants to come home. (both of those have happened to me recently) Its the tantrum over the wrong shoes, its the poo explosion, its the scraped knee and the super heavyweight fight over whose pants are whose. 

 

These are the things that we parents deal with on a daily basis.  Sounds exhausting doesn't it. 

Um cos it is!!!!

 There is a saying that goes

"Expect the worst and hope for the best"

I used to think that sounded morbid but now I think its giving some great advice.

While obviously we can't plan for everything little thing to go wrong but my point being, that if we continually have expectations of everything going perfectly to plan all of the time then we are going to be sorely disappointed, our tail will be in a spin, we will lose our cool, our knickers will be twisted,  we will throw our toys out of the cot and maybe even slam a door or two.

And then comes regret.  We feel regret and guilt at losing our cool at our precious children over seemingly small things (but happen to be big when we aren't expecting them).

 

Pause and Breathe

(and again if necessary)

We are learning to do this. If we hear something break, an epic fight breaks out or a thud where there shouldn't of been a thud, we find ourselves saying "moose in the driveway, moose in the driveway"  It gives us a chance to pause, breathe and then go check out whatever crisis is occurring.

 

 

God knows I am not perfect at this, not by a long shot.  The thing with kids is that they are kids, things don't go to plan when kids are involved. They are still learning to be, to fit and to function in this world.  I know some might disagree but come on, be truthful. It would be some superhero family that could get out the door on time, with no yelling, no reminding of shoes, lunches, bags, reminding of time, of feeding of pets or sibling fights about who is sitting where and who sat where last Wednesday.  I tell you, if you expect a "moose" or two, expect something unexpected you may pleasantly surprise yourself at your ability to react in peace and patience.

And really who wouldn't want to be that parent??

 

"Moose" aka face paint

 

"Moose" aka Muddy shoes

 

"Moose" aka Wee girls attempt at tidying the linen cupboard.

 

 



 

Enjoy your week, Moose and all!! xx