I Never Want to Forget

My apologies...its long...

Many of you know me, many of you don't and those that have been following my blogs over time will know that our lives were tipped upside down over three years ago when Jamie lost his job suddenly.  As you can imagine it was a time of broken-ness, frustration and worry and stress.  I didn't think we would last six weeks let alone three and a half years.  From time to time I have touched on our journey and wrote about how I was feeling, what was happening in family and what God was doing in our lives and through us.  God has never before been so evident and tangible to us personally, as a couple and as a family as he has in this time.

Here we are three and half years later, our world still shaking as we await Jamie's hip replacement and six to eight weeks of recuperation after it.  Then well......... its a blank space baby.  Do you know how that feels perhaps?  Its all very well to make plans of what is to happen next, to have an idea of where to from here but what happens when you are relying totally on God as we have done this entire time, to come up blank?  Its like the bottom has fallen out of time.

Its hard for people to understand this, to understand the journey that we are on, if they aren't believers or maybe haven't been at a time where they have had to or wanted to, put all their entire lives and trust in God. Its so hard.  I can understand why they would think we were nuts, think maybe we are being irresponsible or perhaps even lazy.  I can understand the frustration they might feel towards us. "How can you live like that?"  Its something that I have heard many a times.  I can live like this because its what we are called to do at this time.  Its not easy of course it isn't.  But my faith and trust in Him, my love for Him is strong and is real.

I don't want to ever forget this time. Ever. Period. I don't want to ever forget what it was like to lose a very very good income in a matter of hours. I don't want to ever forget what it was like to watch your husband be turned down for jobs time after time after time. I don't want to ever forget having to tell you children that from now on there is no pocket money, no treats, no new clothes or toys.  I don't want to forget what its like to lie in bed and try to work out how you will pay the power bill due the next day, to see your pantry supplies dwindle away without the means to replace them, to rummage through your freezer for meat for dinner and come up empty. I don't want to forget what its like to have 39c in your bank account or to have your card decline at the supermarket or to have to transfer money out of your kids account just so you can put ten dollars of petrol into your car. I don't want to forget the feeling of not being able to buy loved ones birthday presents. I don't want to forget what its like to have to ask to borrow some money to help pay for rent or to get a tooth fixed.  I don't want to ever forget what it was like to be receiving a food parcel from the community food-bank. A feeling of most intense gratefulness but of embarrassment all at the same time all the while seeing the glory that is of our God at his perfect timing. We learnt a big lesson in humility that day. I just don't want to forget.  We have always been very reluctant to ask for help as we figure that God knows all our needs and our hope is in him but there have been times where I think the lesson has been in humilty of having to ask for certain help.  I tell you it really really does suck!

Because if I forget then that means I would have to forget the miracles of God, the seeing of how God does provide and how it felt when he blesses you above and beyond your expectations. The feeling of seeing my husband studying something he is passionate about and preach Gods word for the first time.  The feeling of pride at seeing him graduate a straight A student.  The feeling of gratitude and amazement when you get given clothes for your kids of things they so desperately need.  The feeling of seeing God bless your son with a new bike days after he has poured his heart out asking God for one. The absolute gratitude when family and friends gift money unknowingly at just the right time so you can buy food or pay the power bill or put petrol in the car. The absolute thankfulness when someone provides you weekly with a fruit and vege box knowing that on some night fruit and veges is whats on the menu for dinner.  The feeling of knowing that family and friends have your back and are praying for you, understand where you are, support you where they can, lend a listening ear and share wise and encouraging words.  I don't want to ever forget.

I know you can essentially say that we have chosen this for ourselves and I suppose we have.  Yes we have chosen this, we have chosen to be and remain obedient to God and to follow the path that he has us on.  Yes it isn't normal for a family of 9 to be willingly on this journey I know this.  Don't you think I know this!  Sometime I don't want to be different because sometimes its get just hard, too hard and tears come, tired angry tears.  Tears of frustration, of "how long will this go on for" tears, "I can't do this anymore" tears or even "Come on seriously God?" tears!!

And here we are now...for us we are standing at the edge of our Red Sea, with the army of Egyptians crowding around us from all sides and are pressing in.  Our toes are about to get wet as the sea laps up onto the shore. All we see in front of us is a vast mighty ocean and the wind is whipping at our clothes and hair as we stand in wait. God has to move mightily He WILL move mightily. The sea we see before WILL part and we WILL walk through it dry and unharmed. In time, all in His time, His perfect timing. We will come through this victorious and righteous!!  Amen!! We just don't know what our other side looks like yet.

13 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will seethe deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

21 Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the Lorddrove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, 22 and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground,with a wall of water on their right and on their left.
                                             - Exodus 14 :13-22

Some of you may say....."if God was real and in this "where is he? or why doesn't he make things better for you?" Well he could, in an instant.  But what would we have learnt?  We wouldn't have seen all the miracles we have, we wouldn't have grown in ourselves, we wouldn't of learnt more of Him, we wouldn't of felt the love of our family and friends. I know we wouldn't have the heart for the lost, the poor and the needy that we now do.  He wouldn't be able to use us like he has and we would be unequipped to really connect, help and share the love of Christ with those who are where we are now.   Its one thing to say your faith is real and strong when you haven't suffered. Its easier to say that you believe when things have been rosy for you. I know we were there once.  Believing that God was happy and pleased with us because our lives were blessed. That he loved us because we were reasonably well off and were living in the "land of milk and honey".  But God wanted more from us, more faith, more trust and more obedience and over these past few years we have done our best to deliver.  We are not perfect. We get mad, lose faith, doubt Gods word (even though we have see him come through time and time again), we even believe that we are entitled to more. But God doesn't owe us anything.  Jesus is enough.

So do not fear, for I am with you;

    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

- Isaiah 41:10

On Seeing the Need.....

I thought that I should better get this post in (well try) before tomorrow ....you know just in case I have a baby.  I am not "officially" 40 weeks until Monday (20th) but I actually feel like baby could come at any moment. Almost like I am teetering on the edge......I know not to ignore those feelings but I also know that....well hey it could be days away yet too!  Today has been a long day, a dreary day with half the day been wet and gray. I did have a nice visit with my mother-in-law who came to help pass the day while my husband was away for the entire day!

I thought I would do some reflecting and you all know that I just love to do that ah!  Some reflecting on the things, people and situations that have begun to pop up in my life, things that I have never before really paid any attention to.  Ever since we launched Loving Arms  in June, God has been showing me more and more things and situations that have made my heart sad and more often than not moved me to tears.   I don't really want to see these things but I do.  I have known about 'the poor and the needy' in the past.  I think if we are all honest with ourselves, we all 'know about them' - 'them' being just numbers or statistics, 'them' being those that make the headlines on the daily news, 'them' that documentaries are made of, or 'them' that live in that part of town.  But now I am beginning to see them and to know them and it isn't pretty.  It actually hurts.

Perhaps that's why its easy for people to turn their heads and backs to the need. To judge. To despise. To think "well its their fault - they should get a job, they shouldn't have children, they shouldn't drink, they should help themselves".  (Yes its that bad - read any blog, Facebook page dedicated to raising awareness of the plights of the poor and you will see how vicious people get.) Its easier that way because then they have an excuse, a reason for not doing anything, to keep that world at arms length. All because if one sees the problem then they might feel that they need to do something.  And if so, they may have to ask what can I do and what is it going to cost me?  Those are hard questions to ask oneself...I know I have had to ask them of myself and it takes you to uncomfortable places.

Peoples stories are real, and some of them are heart wrenching and spirit moving. To see how people are living in our country, our wealthy country is so wrong.  No one should have to live like they do but peoples families are missing, friends are shallow, superficial or in just as bad as situation as the person that needs help and communities are too big, too guarded or too arrogant to see and to help.

But stepping out of the rubble...(picture rubble from a war stricken city with dust that hasn't settled yet and a group of dusty, dirty with torn clothes of people stepping out and up out of the dust and into the scene - cos that's the picture I have in my head) is a group/s of people banding together seeing a need and meeting it albeit with often a limited budget and resources but doing the best they can. Take one Mum of Seven  feeding the kids of a community every Friday night at a local community centre - all because she hates seeing them all hungry or a tough bikey type gang headed up by a hulk of a man feeding kids of local schools between 450 -500 sandwiches a day. Why because he has been there, he knows the hunger and he is choosing to do something about it.  What a guy!! There are many many more of these local heroes coming into the light filling needs when and where they can with the help of volunteers.

I think my point is - that we all choose to see what we want to, we all choose to hear what we want to and consequently we all choose what we do with that information.  I would also like to believe that everyone wants to help somehow but don't always know how or where to start because often problems seem so big and too tough to tackle.

For too long I lived in a bubble only seeing what I chose to see and believed what kept me safe from these painful stories that people are living. Its easy to live detached like that.  But even though it is scary and tough and I don't know where this journey of Loving Arms will go, I truly believe I am more blessed and a better person for choosing to step out of my privileged bubble that I have lived for so long. And I thank God for that everyday and every time we can help someone!

Matthew 25:35-40

For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me,  I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’  Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?  And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?  And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ - 

Thankfulness

I may or may not have written a post along these lines in the past but its always good to be reminded!

Oh Peace!!  Well not really even though I have hauled the lap top down to my room, set myself up on my bed and shut the door I can still hear the chaos down the hall.  So its semi-peace I guess....

I am actually unsure of what to write this afternoon. Do I call it writers block?  I have been very uninspired of late. I hate it when that happens.


The first official week of winter has come and gone.  Winter is definitely not my most favorite months but in saying that this week as been a week of fresh mornings and beautifully stunning days.  Days I can get washing dried on the line and the kids can play outside, days where my girls somehow manage to don their bathing suits and have a winter afternoon water fight with the hose (without me knowing of course).  Days where the kids spend afternoons up trees, constructing tyre swings and rolling tyres down from the top of our section and down the driveway.  Days where my favorite wee 1 year old can spend hours plodding around in his gumboots, picking up sticks, leaves, rocks and other treasures of nature only to bring them inside and leave them in unlikely places.

Those are the days where its easy to be thankful isn't it.  Blissful happy days.  We feel good, we feel energised, we enjoy life and in turn we are thankful.  Thankful for the life we have been blessed with. Life is good.  This is the time where we only see and feel the good, we are motivated to get things done and we accomplish more than we set out to.

Unfortunately sometimes those days can be few and far between, even for the best of us.  The clouds come - literally, the rain, the cold, the grey, the damp, the wind and life just doesn't hold that some lustre as it did maybe even in the previous week (or even day).  Oh my aren't we a fickle lot!  Guilty here!  I can't deny it. Winter days get the better of me and sometimes its hard to see and feel past the grey days, its hard to be thankful.  Yes I know we are thankful (there aren't too many that would admit to not being thankful) but to FEEL thankful is a different story entirely.

God tells us in his word to be thankful. In fact he says it an awful lot throughout the bible.  So it must be pretty important then.   We are to be thankful in the midst of those blissful days (easy!) and also on those not so blissful days (not so easy).  But the Lord has made them both and he is good.

"Give thanks to the Lord for he is good" Psalm 136:1

"Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything" Ephesians 5:20

Having an attitude of thankfulness is not for the benefit for God but entirely for our own benefit and well-being.  It takes the focus off of ourselves, what we may have accomplished or gained, our own prowess and even our own issues and shortcomings. It also takes away our intense focus on what we don't have, can't do, won't get and what others have,  can do or will get.  Being thankful puts our focus and our thoughts on others and essentially God.  You can't be thankful for yourself and you don't go around thanking yourself.  Being thankful recognizes that God has blessed you and loved you, that others have loved you, made you smile and laugh and generally had an input into your life in a positive way.  How can you not feel better after all of that?

Before I leave you for this week, I'll give you an example from my own life, of my attitude depending what kind of day it is, how tired I might me, what is going on in my life, how stressed I might be etc. Remember when I said we are fickle.  Guilty!

Blissful sunny carefree day......I love my house and where we live. I am thankful that we have a big beautiful home that is filled with character and heart. I love the fact that we can open up the doors wide and have an amazing indoor/outdoor flow. I am thankful that the rooms are big and the living area is very functional for our family and that we can have a large number of guest all at once without being squashed. I am ever so thankful for my kitchen, that it is just perfect to be entertaining the guest we have. I love our yard the trees, our garden, the fact that we have a swimming pool, space for chickens etc.

Grey, cold, damp winters day...I am tired of living where we have flies, flies and more flies.  The large high-ceiling rooms are hard to heat and keep warm get me down.  Bigger rooms leads to bigger messes. The trees oh the trees that drop their leaves all winter and make a terrible mess.  My list could go on and on when I am in this kind of mood...ugly isn't it.

I need to focus on the good, remember nothing is perfect - NOTHING. Remember all the blessings and amazing things that God has done for us and all the wonderful people (family and friends) that we are surrounded by, the health and safety of those people and the free and beautiful country we live in.  And be THANKFUL!

What are you thankful for?

View from our front yard - a yard that I do love!

Where we are now.

Is it bed time yet?? This daylight savings thing has really knocked me for a six.  I mean I was wanting it to be bedtime at 2pm this afternoon!  I probably should go to bed once the kids are in bed but I can't I have a blog to write.  I must not let myself down!!!

Sorry no photos tonight,  oooooo you are in luck I found one pertaining to this post!

I get a few people every now and then that want to know what we are up to, how we are doing and where we are going.  So I thought I would give you a wee update on the daily life of the Budd family.

Its nearly been 2 1/2 years since Jamie suddenly lost his job. Two and a half years that have just flown by. Two and a half years that have been some of the hardest but totally the best years of our lives.  We firmly believe that we are where are right now is exactly where God wants us to be.  Last year Jamie took on the mammoth task of studying.  I say mammoth because it was such a task for him, for he barely made it through four years of high school.  I say mammoth because I think embarking on any kind of studying when you have a family to support and be a purposeful parent is AMAZING!!!!  He completed his Diploma of Ministry and this year we decided that he would continue with his study and complete a Diploma of Ministry Leadership.  I am super proud of him, super proud that he manages to study and complete his assignments well before they are due (unlike me who would leave it to the VERY last minute)  I am proud that he still is able to be an awesome involved Dad and loving husband.  I am proud that every time he preaches he just gets better and better. I so enjoy listening to him.

Graduation Day!!

(color co-ordination not intentional)

So in all this, me being proud of him and all tha,t there is real life.  Real everyday life. I am not going to lie to you and paint a pictures of rainbows and roses because it hasn't been.  Its been tough. I know I said earlier that its been the best years, they have but they still have been tough. Real tough.  Living off the a student allowance and family assistance (from the government) has not been easy. Not.At.All.   The word surviving comes to mind but is actually an understatement.  We have had some very hairy times. Like the time we where couldn't even afford 100g of shaved ham or a postage stamp. Oh we laughed at that, lay on our bed and laughed. I mean what else could you do.  BUT in all this we have seen and experience some amazing miracles of Gods providence.  Like the time when we had NO meat in the freezer and our food budget doesn't really extend to vast quantities of meat unfortunately.  In one day the day that we thought to ourselves 'What are we going to do?' (I kid you not) we got given three HUGE bags filled to the brim of meat, all from three DIFFERENT sources, all completely unrelated!  All sorts too, from roasts to chops, sausages to mince, beef, lamb and pork!  Talk about meat week at the Budds.  You can not deny God at work at times like those.  Yes there have been times when we really didn't know how we are going to get through the week or even the next few days. Those are the times when we have had to completely put all our strength and faith in God.  No bags of money fell out of the sky or magically appeared in our bank account but guess what - we did get through those days.  It just took some creativeness on my part in regards to meals etc.

Some maybe thinking, if you are where God wants you to be then why are you struggling so much?  Why are you just surviving??  You know I can't really say why - I am not God.  And if I am completely honest with you then I will tell you that there have been many times when I have asked God the same thing.  My conversations goes somewhat like this....
HELLLLLOOOOO GOD!!  COME IN GOD..... Are you there?
UM just wondering if you have forgotten us?  You know us....the Budds.....six kids.....studying your word...interning at church..... yeah you know THE BUDDS!"
But of course he doesn't ever forget us does he.  We may feel like it at times but he doesn't.

Joshua 1:9 says "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go"

God is with us - I like that! I LOVE that!  So my guess to why this is like it is, is this.  We are learning, learning and growing and stretching. My guess is that through us is an amazing testimony of Gods faithfulness, love and providence.  A testimony of Gods power!!  Who doesn't want to be used like that!!!  Jamie and I prayed many many years ago  that we wanted to be used be God in a powerful way, that we wanted to be a family of faith! And we couldn't get there by being rested on our laurels and left to our own devices!  I am ever so thankful. So thankful for this journey we are on.

My hardest time is when I think my kids are missing out on things. It really gets me down. I think its a Mama heart thing.  Our kids didn't ask for this crazy life that we are living and I pray frequently that they don't grow up resenting us, God, or our faith.  Reality is though - that in the grand scheme of things they aren't missing out on anything of great importance. No we can't go camping at the beach, No we can't just hop off to the movies, No we can't have takeaways tonight all that stuff is just stuff - not essential! They aren't starving and have a pretty good life if you ask me.  If we do the best we can I have every faith that God will do the rest!!

Life is full of surprises and our latest one wasn't really a surprise but was at the same time.  We find ourselves excitedly expecting another blessing - due in mid October.  We are very excited and can't wait to meet this little one.  Every child we have been blessed with has just added that something extra to our family and I have no doubt that this one will do the same.  Seven children!! I know crazy times right!!! Already the kids have been coming up with names, names that no one should EVER name their children but for some reason they think they are suitable!!

I often ask God for ideas for a home business so I could at least bring in some extra money. (Especially since I have spied some funky black boots that I might like!)  So far he hasn't given me anything and I am not the crafty creative type so I can't really make anything to sell.Crikey I am still crocheting a blanket that I started weeks ago and its just a dolls blanket!!  So for now I'll continue to do what I am doing and Jamie will continue to do what he is doing and we are happy!  Thankful and happy!

My prayer for you, is that you too will feel God and see God move in your life!  You are probably reading this going No no no no not if it means going through what you are!!! No no no!  But our story will not be the same as yours could be - your will be totally unique to you and your family!

"So do not fear; for I am with you; 

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

(my all-time favorite verse EVER!!!)

God Filtered Times

I don't know how many times I have waken in the middle of the night just itching to write about something that seems to be composing itself in my head.  I can't stop it, I can't go back to sleep and I can't think of anything else while this is happening.  Does that sound strange?  Perhaps if the whole entire family wasn't sleeping in the lounge last night (where the computer is) I might of got up and turned on the computer and let my fingers say what my mind was talking about. 

This is not a normal blog for me but at this moment it needs to be written. There are no pictures of memories and activity, no smiling eyes and cherubic faces of my wonderful children. No this blog comes from way down deep where pain, confusion and hurt have lived and remnants still linger.  Its grown out of times of  many tears and fears.

But.....out of all this something beautiful is growing, something wonderful is being created and we can look back, even now, still in the midst of it and see how much we are blessed, how much we have grown, how much we are grateful for and most importantly see how much GOD himself has his hand in our lives.

Not many of you know and some of you do, that Jamie lost his job very suddenly just before Christmas. It came as a huge shock, so much so that the pain inside felt like a tearing of the insides.  Many a sickening thoughts of "What are we going to do?  How will we survive? etc"  Being a single income, homeschooling family its a VERY scary place to be.  We felt very broken indeed.  Telling the kids that things were going to get tough (no pocket money, no summer holiday and no treats was really hard).

Someone asked me just after in happen, how long do you think you can survive?  I remember telling them, thinking about the bank balance "Um I don't know, maybe 6 weeks". Six weeks isn't long especially when Christmas is smack bang in the middle of it.  Scary thoughts of not being able to afford insurance, rent, food etc plagued my mind in never-ending waves. Sounds oh so dismal doesn't it!

But....that was nearly five months ago now.  Jamie is still looking for work and we are still here, still in our house, none of us are starving and wearing thread bare clothes.  The bills are paid.  We have come through four birthdays (with presents even) I am blown away but very grateful at Gods continual providence.

Whether or not we think what happen was unfair or not is now irrelevant, it happened. Yes it sucks!  And I have to admit I am still harbouring a little bitterness and hurt over what happened.  That dawned on me one day when I went to buy chook food from another rural supplies store and the sights, sounds, smells and conversations that the staff were having around me became very overwhelming and as the nice man loaded the chook food into the boot of my car. Tears were streaming down my face. (to the man - I am so sorry)  I sobbed all the way to my Mother-in-laws house and then continued to sob on her shoulder.  (stupid mascara wasn't waterproof either)  Bitterness creeps up on me unexpectedly too. Like the other day at soccer when we saw an ex-staff-member and she chatted to Jamie liked nothing had happened - I felt really yuck and uncomfortable and didn't really want to spend time talking to her. Not very Christian like I know.

I am generally not a bitter or unforgiving person but I have to admit this is taking some working at.
I look at our situation and where we have come from and am absolutely thankful that I have God in my life.  To go through something like this without knowing him, his word and his promises would be unfathomable!  To have no hope, nothing to put your faith in, nothing to trust in, nothing to hold on to in the middle of dark times.  To be enduring wakeful nights worrying about how you are going to pay the bills and put food on the table - with nothing to rely on.  Blaming people and being angry all the time. Some people never ever get past that.  God has so many promises in his word for me (for all of us) and they are available 24/7

"The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,

and their inheritance will endure forever.

In times of disaster they will not wither:

in days of famine they will enjoy plenty"

                                               Psalm 37:18-19

God has been our provider in so many different ways.  And its not all about getting lump sums of money either although in a few cases it has been.  Its the food vouchers, gifts of food, the deer that Jamie and his brother shot. The invites for dinner, the abundance of veges out of our garden, honey out of the hives and even down to the bottles of milk we have been given.  The free firewood.  But its more than that too!  Its the support, the prayers, the encouragement from family, friends and our church!  If we didn't have that all those things, times would be so much tougher.  It says in his word that "there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" - Ecclesiastes 3:1 and its true.  You can not have it sweet and safe your whole life, trouble does come.  Its in those time that you see who you really are and what you are made of, its in those time that you see who is really on your side, supporting you and cheering you on.  I actually find it strange that some friends have not showed any support to us at all and some have not even mentioned it, not even to ask how we are doing or to say "look I am really sorry to hear what you are going through".  I am not expecting anyone to fix this for us and provide a job out of thin air but at least some acknowledgement would of been nice.  I am picking that its like that for people who have had someone close to them die.  Some people don't know what to say so they don't say anything and even go to lengths to avoid them.

I know that God is doing something amazing in our lives.  I am often reminded of Job in the bible who lost everything and was covered in boils from head to toe.  His friends sat around and said he was to blame in some way.  But God allowed this disaster to happen to Job so that it could be  seen what Job was made of - character building you could say!    I don't believe that any ones character is bettered by having everything rosie all the time.  At the end of chapter of Job, God restores everything and then some back to Job, and even though he was essentially rewarded for his trouble he wouldn't of got it all at once.  It says that Job was blessed with five more children, we all know that doesn't happen over night!

I know that some people say that God could of prevented this from happening.  Yes I suppose he could if it was the best thing for us.  God loves us so much that he just wants us to have the best life possible and to be the best people we can be.  Who would want second best?   We don't.

I have learnt that its not wise to be looking to far into the future, that leads to worry and worrying is a fruitless time waster!  It will not fix anything.  It easy said than done of course.   But we constantly remind ourselves that our trust and hope is in God and God only.  We are fully confident that God will provide our needs and even some of our wants and desires.

"My heart is confident in you, O God,

my heart is confident.

No wonder I can sing your praises" Psalm 57:7

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you" 1 Peter 5:7

We know that in times to come there will be hurdles and things that could potentially be worrying will turn up, bills that will come, things that will need to be replaced.  But for now I will just focus on today and maybe even tomorrow.  Each meal, each bill and each moment.  I have a choice to make whether or not this will beat me or I will beat it!   Right at the beginning of this trying time Jamie and I declared that we were going to learn everything we could out of this, we were going to grow as people, as a couple and as a family. We are determined not to have to repeat something like this, that this would also make us stronger as a couple and a family unit.  Our faith has certainly grown.

Things I have learnt during this time....would be...

• That ones identity and security is not (or should not be) tied up in the position one holds or in the income bracket they might be in.
• That we could have done so much more and given so much more with the income we did have. So many people have needs that far out weigh the needs we have.
• That there are many people that are far worse off than us (cliche I know but its true). We have each other, we have all our children and everyone is healthy and we are safe!
• That belonging to a church, to something that is bigger than yourself is so important. Its somewhere that supports you and loves you and that you can support and serve in too.  The saying "its more blessing to give than to receive" rings true here.

I love God, my husband, my family, my friends and my church family.  During this time I have felt like these people have carried me during the tough times, that warms my heart and I am ever so thankful.

 

We are still on this journey and I don't know when there will be a let up...but I know that every time I need God he will be there!  Every single time.  Yes there will be times and things that I won't like and I will want to throw a tantrum and cry and stomp and that's ok. As long as I don't stay in that state.  I hope I don't sound as though I am never scared or have an attack of the worries, I do and often. I stumble.  But its a purposeful choice to believe in his words and his promises.  That's when I pray and pray hard.

I will leave you with these to verses that God gave me soon after Jamie lost his job....I just love his promises and I will keep hanging on to these for as long as need be, although I am hoping that its not too much longer.

"Come back to the place of safety,

 all you prisoners who still have hope!

I promise this very day that I will repay two blessings

for each of your troubles"

- Zechariah 9:12

"Instead of shame and dishonor,

you will enjoy a double share of honor.

You will possess a double portion of prosperity

in your land,

and everlasting joy will be yours."

- Isaiah 61:7