Merry Christmas

Always at the beginning of each year, I ask God to give me a word or words for the year. Last year it was Nourish & Nurture....this year it was Grit & Grace.

Really those two words are absolute perfect bookends for what has been ...well quite the year for all of us.

I mentioned a few posts back that my life looks completely different as it did at the beginning of the year. Not bad but very different.

I've needed GRACE with myself, with my family and others as everyone adjusts to our new normal. Grace upon grace.

I've needed GRIT to push through some really hard things.... things that have grown and changed me. To be honest I think we've all need GRIT and GRACE to get through this year.

My lesson here I think...is that while things maybe hard...it doesn't mean it's bad. Hard doesn't just equal bad. It's just hard. Hard could also be good.

I'm looking forward to the new year dawning filled with opportunity and newness. Some might say hope...but hope doesn't come in the form of a new year, a new job or new anything....

Hope comes in the form of our Savior Christ Jesus....not only hope but also peace, love and joy. And we all need an abundance of those things in our lives, don't we?

For He is the reason for the season.

So, from my family to yours....

Merry Christmas and a safe and happy New Year.

Sharni xx

 

Everyday Blessings

"As the years pass, I am coming more and more to understand that it is the common, everyday blessings of our common everyday lives for which we should be particularly grateful. They are the things that fill our lives with comfort and our hearts with gladness - just the pure air to breathe and the strength to breathe it; just warmth and shelter and home folks; just plain food that gives us strength; the bright sunshine on a cold day; and a cool breeze when the day is warm." - Laura Ingalls Wilder

I read this quote many years ago and was pleasantly reminded of it this morning when I read a post from a new friend.

We are living in crazy chaotic times. Most of us are feeling a little helpless, uncertain and just want to go back to 'normal'. Here in New Zealand, we have it pretty easy compared to those living in the US and UK....they need our prayers.

Home is where we should be able to find solace and rest from the harsh realities of the outside world. A safe haven for loved ones, family and friends. No need to be flashy or perfect but of warmth, nurture and grace.

I can only pray that those that enter our home that feel seen, welcome and valued. That's the very least we can do.

The Lord Is My Strenght

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" - Matthew 11:28

Today I urge you to rest in Him....all you who are tired, hurting, burdened. You do not need 12 coloured highlighters, a scented candle, a pretty journal, absolute peace and an immaculate house. Just come as you are, where you are, how you are and He will meet you there.

Today is my self-appointed day off. I'm tired, weary and burdened. So, while the kids are at school and the husband is away.... I'm taking time. I turned the tv on and let my 2-year-old watch Paw Patrol so I could come.

We all know this year has been long and crazy. And for me my life simply does not the same as it did at the beginning of the year. I'm no longer an "at home mum" but working full-time, my husband left his job as Associate Pastor to be an "at home dad" and business manager, my eldest son moved out and we've left the church we called home for over 15 years. I am still adjusting, my heart still healing.

I am deeply overwhelmed with the need I see on a daily basis, wishing I could do more to lessen the desperation in families, to provide more, provide food, to provide a safe clean home for families. I am burdened by the pain and sadness I see in family and friends.

But in all of this.... God is still on the throne, and I get to rest in Him, let Him minister to my heart, let Him replenish my joy and let Him strengthen me. What a blessing!

"The joy of the Lord is your strength" (Nehemiah 8:10)

Frankie Rose Budd

This girl....as wild and free as her hair that crowns her head! Six today! Every single day she astounds us with her vocabulary and her flamboyance....and also makes us laugh. At her best wearing dresses that sparkle and twirl, her crazy hair let loose and boots. Loves to draw and create, and is extremely messy! Loves her family, loves her friends and loves school.

Frankie l simply can't wait to see l what God has in store for you!!

Happy 6th Birthday Frankie Rose

Thankful: Day Two

Day 2 of my quest to remain thankful and see out the year stronger.

Why thankfulness? Because when you are thankful it lightens our hearts, keeps our eyes off ourselves and the problems we might be facing and keeps us joyful. And wouldn't you rather be joyful?

1. Faithful Friends

I am so blessed by friends that are encouraging, supportive and are their to prop you up when its needed. Quietly going about their lives in the background, seeking only to help, lend a hand and be there when they are needed. I'm very blessed indeed.

2. Healing Sleep

Baby girl has slept most of the day away today which has been so needed after days and nights of high temps and sleeplessness. Thank you Jesus for the gift of sleep.

3. Soul Music

Music that speaks into your soul, to where you are and lifts you up and propels your forward. Music that puts your feelings to music and into songs. Music that is healing, heartfelt and holy.

What are you thankful today?

Three Things!

To be honest the mood I'm in today made it hard to be thankful. Days of being stuck to the couch or bed with a sick toddler glued to you.... makes me weary and grumpy. BUT it did give me the chance to finish a book.

So heres my 3 things I'm thankful for today.

1. Lemonade Ice Blocks.

Sweet glistening trails of stickiness the slowly make their way down her hands as she slowly slurps on the cold white ice cooling her throat and giving her energy.

2. Warm Spring Sunshine

As I sit for a breather on the deck, eyes closed I tilt my head to the sun I allowing the spring sun warm my face and smile on me.

3. Chubby Toddler Hands

The way she tightly holds me in her hands, squeezing tight as if to never let go. Her safe place. Very soon these hands will roughen, be less chubby and grasp pencils and bike handles. I want to etch the feeling of her in my heart for always.

Finish Strong

Let's be honest 2020 hasn't been the greatest the year. For just about everyone it's been filled with uncertainty and helplessness. I don't know about you but while I might want to see the end of this crazy year....I'm determined to beat this year and see it out stronger than ever! And the only way we can do that in these uncertain times...is by being thankful. Thankfulness turns our eyes off ourselves and turns them outwards. Turns them off our troubles and fears and back on to the One who deserves all the praise. No matter if you are a believer or not...we all could go out of this year stronger than we started. Let's not let 2020 beat us any longer!

So, I have decided for the remainder of the year (Nov/Dec) ...I'm going to document 3 things I'm thankful for every day. Why? When we are thankful, we can reclaim the joy that is stolen in our everyday lives by the everydayness.

Loosing Yourself

I feel my urge to write is coming back....and this makes me happy. Very happy. I haven't felt like writing much for months and months perhaps even over a year...I actually thought maybe my passion, my heart for it had disappeared.

For a time, I think I lost a piece of myself over the past year or two. I've struggled to hold my head above the water at times.... you dig way down deep when you have a husband to connect with, kids to love and parent, a job to do and a role to play.

However, over this time Loving Arms has gone to seemingly new levels this year.... we are having at least two registrations from families every day. The pressure is real knowing that families are relying on us to help them provide for their babies, but more so to see them beyond who they are in their current situation. In March this year just before Covid-19 hit and put us into lockdown, Jamie and I believed that it was time for me to commit to full-time work driving Loving Arms. So, he resigned from his position as Associate Pastor at Zion Church and came home to be a stay-at-home dad/business manager for Loving Arms.

This was a time of huge adjustment for all of us especially seeing as weren't drawing an income. But God has been ever so faithful at providing for us and allowing us to find favor in working alongside agencies that are allowing us to do what we do. I fully believe Loving Arms wouldn't have been able to have helped like we've helped and accomplished what we have if we hadn't been obedient to His voice.

If I could encourage anyone it would be to have faith, be strengthened by His Word, His love and be bold as you take that very first step into what you know God is calling you to do. It might be hard and scary at times, but you won't regret it.

But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. - Matthew 14:27 - 29 ESV

Books, Covers & Judgement

I have been thinking a lot about judgment. You know the old saying "don't judge a book by its cover" .... well to be honest we all do it consciously or subconsciously. I had the privilege of being interviewed last week by a online magazine who wanted some photos to go with the article.... including one of Jamie and I together. Even though this is one of my favorites I was reluctant to send it to her. I felt it was too blingy therefore too deceptive. We look like a nice well put together couple... your normal white middle class family.

Why was I so reluctant to send it to her? You see this photo was taken at a family wedding that was held in the garden at our house...our rented "falling-down-just-had-paint-slapped-on" house. This photo was also taken when we were the poorest, we have ever been.... zero dollars in the bank and very minimal food in the pantry. The dress and jewelry I was wearing was bought with money gifted to me by a friend. I mean we were poor! Not to mention six months later we were homeless and living with friends. But you would never know by looking at that photo.... deceptive don't you think...which is why I struggled sending that photo in.

Doing what I do.... serving the families we serve is very challenging and every day I am challenged deep within myself about passing judgment. We truly have no right at all and like I just shared it goes both ways. You can NEVER know someone's back story just by looking at them or meeting with them for 5 minutes. To truly know someone is to walk and talk with them...to learn something of them. Then and only then do we truly see, truly value who they are, their journey and their story.

So, my challenge for myself.... how can I best represent Christ to the people I meet? How can I best serve them, so they feel seen and valued? How can I best love and serve them like we have been called to? How can I leave a lasting mark in their lives, a seed some might say ...of the love of Christ. How can I see them how Christ sees them...beautiful, valuable, lovable and so very precious.

Grounding!

Try as I might I'm never going to have a magazine worthy home. And now I'm ok with that. Instagram scrolling can be blame for the unrealistic expectations I put on myself and my family as something to be achieved as a sign of "winning at life". But you know what I'm already winning at life....my family is safe, healthy, fed, clothed and most certainly deeply loved. For this I'm most thankful.

Every Wednesday since April it's been delivery day for me. I strategically pack all the boxes of clothing, cots and car seats into my van and head off delivering them around the region to grateful families with precious babies. But it's taken me this long that at least for Thursday mornings I need some mental health space. I need not to think about the sights, the stories, the desperation and the brokenness of the day before. So as part of my self-care I methodically go through each room of my house.... tidying, cleaning, straightening and folding, followed by wiping and vacuuming. Not as an attempt to make a show home but as a form of deep gratitude for what God has given me and my family. This has become a time of grounding and worship for me.

As I am in each room I'm thankful that my babies aren't sleeping on the floor, in carseats or on couches. That my children have the security in knowing who is in their home at night will be the same ones when they wake. That they have access to good food to fill their bellies. That they have people who believe in them enough to stand beside them when the make mistakes, who make Drs appointments for them and create memories for them.

Oh I am far from perfect, far far far away. I know I can always do better. Everyone always can.

I just want to encourage you....no matter what your home looks like its how the people that matter most to you feel when they are in your home. Be thankful for where you are. Don't look sideways and feel disheartened because things might not match...these things don't make you a better person...if you love your babies and the precious people in your life and are doing right by them....then you are doing great!

It's the little things

There's not too many of these moments left.... where she'll climb up on to my lap, lay her head on my chest and drift off to sleep. In her safe place and perfectly content. These are the moments I want etched deeply in my memory.

Having a child leave home.... well, there's absolutely nothing in this world that can prepare you for it. Nothing. I cried. His father cried. But if nothing else it makes you thankful and it makes you reflect. I'm thankful for that we have sent him off on a positive note, excited for him and with prayers and love. He wasn't kicked out; he didn't run away...he knows he felt loved and accepted. But oh, how I miss him.

The days following him leaving were hard. It's the small things that choked me up. The folding of the washing....no washing pile for him. Five thirty on the clock....no boom boom up the street as he pulls into the driveway after work. Oh, my heart.

Its most certainly shoves the time with that we have left with the others in our faces, and it seems short. Now I want to cram all the memories in, all the conversations.... all the time. Because time is all you have...once spent you can never earn more.

The saying "the days are long, but the years are short" is 150% so very true!

Cast Iron

Love me some cast iron!!! I got this heavy wee cast iron tea pot for Mother's Day! I'm in love.

I had to drop some serious hints though.... like find it and leave the tab open in my laptop kinda thing.

Cast Iron cookware brings me ALL the warm fuzzies. A nod to my grandmother and the yesteryear with a hint of homesteading in Alaska kinda jam. Oh my heart desires.

Though for now I'll pretend I'm having a warm cup of tea after a good days dog sledding.

Truth be told Lockdown has been insanely busy...busy like never before. And Im tired.

Loving Arms has helped more mums than ever. Done more delivering. Heard more stories and we've packed a large number of bundles from our homes. Throw schooling in there, zoom meetings and business stuff.... phew! This mama is tired.... but we are on the very brink of something super exciting and I can't wait to tell you all!

Brave and Beautiful

Every now and then I want to stop the bus and throw it all in....not that I will but sometimes I want to. In the face of discouragement, I start to wonder what it would have been like if I chose the other path. Don't worry I'm not talking about marriage and kids.... they will always stay.

Once I finished my nursing degree, I seriously contemplated the idea of doing a midwifery degree. But no, I thought I should be responsible and work. Then I got married and had a couple of kids. I thought about it again.... stalked through the local midwifery school course requirements and book/reading lists and spending money buying up large every single textbook and midwifery book around. I read and reread them over and over again. We are talking hundreds of dollars here.... second hand so give me some credit. I thought about it...yearned for it but the timing never seemed right, and I knew that I just didn't have the support network in place for childcare. I went on to have half a dozen more children in which time Loving Arms was birthed.

I remember the day I threw a tantrum and got rid of all but six midwifery books after I came to the realization that it was perhaps it was never meant to be. I guess a part of me still is sad I'm not a midwife. But here we are "with women " in an entirely different sense. Championing mothers on in a different way, meeting their needs, loving on them, supporting their families and imparting kindness and care as they walk through the beginning stages of their motherhood journey. Women are powerful, brave and beautiful. They can withstand a huge amount if stress and crap and still rise up to carry on. I'm no feminist but women do most certainly rock and it's such a privilege to walk beside so many. Here's to dreams not being realized in the way you thought!

It's a Ghost Town

Not a vehicle or person in sight. Kind of eerie seeing this road/intersection is normally very busy.

How are you all doing? Ok? Not ok? What do you need?

For a family of ten....I'm surprised to say we've actually been doing quite well. Chores, Deep-cleaning, Dog walks, boardgames, puzzles, online gaming, working online, school online, daily exercise, drawing, crafting, wrestling and gardening.

Even though it's such a weird time for all of us.... it's actually warmed my heart to have people wave or wave back if I see them from my window. To exchange a friendly hello from my front garden as people stroll on by getting some fresh air and a change of scenery. Or inspite local negativity seeing the teddy bears sitting looking out front windows and waiting to be spotted by passerbys.....both young and old. All brings such joy.

Our community, our world is experiencing a crisis....so.... Be kind, don't be a dork, give people space and grace. Smile. Respect. Wash your hands. Love.

Fasting

Right now, our world, our communities, our families need hope even more. And I'm not going to lie.... while my own family walks faithfully forward into what God has called us into...I can't help but shake my head at the perceived lack of timing and planning on His part. Really now God? You've asked this of us now?? But what I've learnt over the years God very rarely makes sense until you've got hindsight....and then it all falls into place and makes perfect sense.

So, because we are embarking on a crazy journey and our entire world is a little crazy then I am going to commit 14 days to drawing closer to God by fasting. When you are fasting anything whether it be certain food types, coffee, sugar, technology or spending.... yes, it can be painful as your flesh screams for what it can't have but, in that moment, it's a time to turn our face and thoughts to our Heavenly Father. Time to pray, to seek Him, to draw strength and source wisdom and clarity from Him. Him the perfector of our faith.

"If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayer that is made in this place." 2 Chronicles 7:14‭-‬15 ESV

Now I'm not saying all will be made well in this land...but for me...last time I did a 21-day Daniel fast. The mental clarity and the tangible presence of God was so much more. And I need that in my life right now. So, need it. I want to be able to walk through this time being even stronger in my faith, not doubting or wavering...but standing in His truth, waiting and watching what He is about to do.

This is NOT a religious thing but a yearning to deepen one's relationship with God, seek clarity and/or breakthrough in one's life.

Now I can hear some of you saying..."but didn't Daniel fast for 3 weeks?" Well yes, he did. But honestly if I did 21 days it goes right over Easter and Easter is a VERY important celebration for my family and I. I want to celebrate with my family and not be a Debbie-downer because I'm not eating and celebrating with them.

So, want to know more about fasting? Let's chat. Want to join me in this? Awesome! We can so totally make this a thing!

Starts next Wednesday!

Our Daily Bread

I don't know about you but whenever I'm facing any kind of issue, speed bump or struggle I want to drink deeply from His Word, immersing myself in what He has to say about said subject.

So, no surprising here that I'm searching His Word for all the encouragement and scripture about trusting in Him for His provision and what it actually means to live a life of faith. I personally glean encouragement from the likes of Abraham, Esther and Gideon....the true heroes of a life of faith.

Yes, we are taking the road less travelled, and I get people are a little nervous and want to offer suggestions of how to fix this.... I get it. It's hard to explain to people that you don't actually have all the answers.... some people actually get a little angry with you. It makes people uncomfortable. But for the most part...people are excited and encouraging and are looking forward to being in the "front row seat" as to what God is going to do.

This morning I was particularly blessed to the verse above but also this one....

"The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast desert. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything. " - Duet 2:7

God is good. All the time. In all situations.

He will be with us every single step of the way. He always is.

Selfcare

This verse was given to me by a dear friend just after we had shared our news publicly on Wednesday night. It's one of my favs and one of the very first verses I committed to memory as a new Christian.

Truth be told though...ever since that night I haven't been doing very well. Don't get me wrong...I still 150% believe this is right for us, I'm still excited and still at peace about our decision.

But the enemy in true form likes "to kill, steal and destroy"....so I have been plagued with a very relentless headache, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, teary. And.....Thursday morning we woke to our accommodation supplement randomly $50 less per week because they rejigged the criteria. So typical.

But truth be told ain't nobody got time for all that.... It's easy to get caught up in all my feelings and essentially drown in what's going on in the natural. But girl it's in those times we need to be opening up the scriptures...reading verses and promises given to us by God. Good selfcare, of the Word, good food, water, fresh air and walking barefoot outside. (Ok that last bit might be just me...I find this so grounding). If I lived by some water, I'd be there too. I know these feelings will pass.... sometimes it takes intention and time...and a timely text from your BFF.

I do hope you find some kind of encouragement today in whatever you are doing. I'm determined to keep sharing our journey of our life by faith with you.... because it's in the sharing of one another stories and journey is what helps build faith and encouragement in others. And we all need that don't we.

What does good selfcare look like for you?

Courage Over Fear

This has been my home screen on my phone for a while now.... what got me was the words "courage over fear". Courage doesn't mean you aren't necessarily afraid, but it means you are doing big, brave things, taking risks or stepping out in obedience to whatever God is asking you to do. And that is right where we are right now.... I knew God was asking us to do something big and brave, but I didn't know what until a few weeks ago.

When it dawned on me, I felt that stirring in my spirit that said..."no that's just too crazy" and "no I don't want to do that but wanting to at the same time". I'm actually embarrassed to say that a big part of me not wanting to say yes is what other people might say in the face of all this craziness.... that and the fact I didn't want to live in lack anymore. Shallow-ness I know but it's my truth. The people pleaser in me rears its ugly head.

But we said yes anyway.... but not before many tears were shed, many bargaining and many "are we positives? Saying yes to God really is the only answer you can give. God is not your God if you can say no to him.

So as from the 29th of March Jamie is no longer working for Zion Church but will be working alongside me here at Loving Arms. Helping me run, grow and expand our brand...ensuring all the babies, mums and families across our region and beyond that need help have access to it.

I have been working 40+ hours in and around motherhood, being a wife and an active part of the church family....it takes that much of me....and it's been unpaid. At this stage we are unsure where our future income will come from.... We have big plans for Loving Arms in the next 5 years....and for that to happen, we have the support of our awesome board and supportive friends and family.... it's all hands-on deck. Pray for us.

Tall Poppy Syndrome

You would think at the ripe age of 42....one would think you had let go of all baggage and grown up. Not care what others thought, be free-spirited, unthreatened and brave. Secure, confident and sure-footed. Currently I'm none of those..... I did something really brave this week.... like supercalifragilisticexpialidocious brave. I put ALL of myself out there for the world to see.

For me that's big...I have never ever been popular. Struggled with my appearance, my weight, the lack of cool clothes or money and remained outside when I wanted in. Fortunately for me I now have a small group of wonderful friends who are very good at keeping me on track and believing in myself.... especially when I'm walking scared or living in doubt.

Part of our kiwi culture unfortunately is the tall poppy syndrome...you do something different, better or speak up and out...and one of 2 things happen. You get stones thrown at you or you get silence. Truthfully, I don't know what's worse. No one like someone else winning or doing well.

Our US counterparts on the other hand.... well, they are the complete opposite. Sharing expertise, encouragement and making sure you have the same shot at something as they do.

So, if you are reading this and you need some encouragement...some support, someone to champion you along or general warm fuzzies...I'm your gal. Flick me a message....and I'll inflate your bubble!

Here We Go!

Pretty much my face at the moment. I can't look but I want to, but I can't.

I'm facing some pretty big mental hurdles at the moment. I'm super excited for the 2020 year and what it will bring for me not only personally but for Loving Arms as well. I know what needs to be done but the vision is so big and its truly truly freaking me out.... I feel so ill. I remember reading a quote by someone not sure who that says "if your prayers aren't scaring you, they aren't big enough" let's just pause think about that for a moment.

My prayers are super scary for me right now....and while I can most certainly do my bit...God is going to have to do the rest. And that is requiring a huge amount of faith. I have never been one of the cool kids or in any kind if popular group or clique and I've probably had more than my fair share of rejection over the years too....so the thought of putting myself and vision so out there has me shaking in my boots. But I can appreciate my fears and why I'm feeling them and how big they are in my mind.

In saying all that I need to push through this, I need to keep walking forward and being obedient to where I'm being led...even though I want to run and hide in my closet.

So if you are a praying person...I'd appreciate some.

New Year, New Words

If you've been following me for a while now, you'll know I'm quite the reflective...plus it's a new year, a new decade even....so it's a given I've been living in my head for the past few days. It's also the time where people lock in their 'word' for the year...a word that will determine what their coming year will look like. I have two...because I'm greedy like that. Last year it was "Nuture & Nourish" and as I spent some time reading the goals and intentions for 2019, I saw where I had done well, what I had accomplished and also where the wheels fell off. My life divided into four areas...Personal, Family/Home, Ministry and Relationships.

Some successes.... I lost the remaining 4kg, remained semi-fit, launched Kaiawhina, ran 10 successful Mothers in Arms events, and made people that matter a priority.

Some unmet goals...read 2x books a month, write 3x blog posts a week, and to be more organized for birthdays and Christmas. Oops. "Grit & Grace".... these two small words pretty much sum up how I'm feeling about moving forward. While I'm still nursing some bruising over last year...I'm looking up and feeling quite spritely about the coming year. I am stronger, my faith is stronger and my resolve is stronger to love my family well and be the voice for those who have none. To make more of a difference. To love, to be loved, to serve and to live wholly and fiercely.... Grit and Grace.

As my family grows and moves forwards...I can't help but think of each beautiful one and prayer deeply for their hearts, their person. That they will each know how much they are loved...by God and by us as parents. That they know who they are and whose they are. That they find joy and contentment, purpose and blessing in all that they do.

What's you 'word' of the year? Perhaps your greedy like me and have two??!! Tell me.