Dreams

I have dreams.... dreams that one day we'll get to experience a white Christmas....with all the trappings of course. The snowmen, the eggnog, the ice skating, the hot chocolates and the crackling fire. One day...here's hoping.

I have a lot of dreams actually.... some that make no sense at all...like living in Montana and having a buffalo ranch or chopping firewood and melting bear tallow ready for an Alaskan winter. Ill allow you to laugh. And some that make a whole heap of sense....

like changing the game of poverty for families in New Zealand or elevating family to where it should rightfully sit in society.

Those are lofty goals I know. Pick anyone of them and you'll be told ..."unlikely" to happen. I sit here on the sidelines, in the shadows...reading all the blogs, watching all the instastories, reading, reading .... learning and waiting. Waiting for what...I am not sure. A shot of confidence perhaps? I know I have words to speak and stories to tell and I'm not entirely sure what I am waiting for.

I have more dreams within. Burning to be released. Like a fire within. But when will the right time come?

Anyone who knows me knows I loathe conflict, negativity and confrontation.... perhaps that is where I need to grow, to grow up, to come to a place where "who cares". I don't like to be not liked, to be left out and put out of circles. Lord...you know how that has been the bain of my life. Strengthen me Lord. Help me overcome these fears.

So, I ask.... what dreams are you dreaming? What do you have burning inside of you? And what fear my friend is holding you back?

photo credit @countrylivingmag

Polar Opposites

My current read.... lent to me by a good friend and I'm loving it. In our current season so much of it resonates with me so it's really timely...actually it's exactly why she lent it to me!

I have had a few people ask me about my last post/blog. Some directly ask me about it, most gently inquiring around the edges of conversation and one or two seeking clarification on me saying "a year from hell but a year from heaven" and how that could possibly be. So, I thought a follow up post was in order.... How could one 12-month period feature polar opposites? Firstly, let me say that if wasn't for our faith in God then I truly don't know how we would have made it through the year. To seek refuge in His Word and worship when you feel the anxiety in your throat so much so that you can't breathe, eat or sleep IS THE MOST POWERFUL form of defense and offense against our enemy. Darkness cannot remain where light resides.

Without the support and prayers of friends and family.... that you could simply text "please pray".... knowing that in moments after reading those two words they are interceding and praying on your behalf.

We most definitely had some amazing God encounters and were on the receiving end of His provision.... without those this year would have been more hellish. Those things kept us moving, kept us positive, kept us seeking His face and being in a place of thankfulness.

The thing is guys we aren't promised a life of ease but that we will face trouble, but all is not lost or wasted. "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

So why do I share what I do? I'm pretty open and honest and while I may not share everything. I try to be the real deal...to be any different I believe would be detrimental to the Kingdom of God. I believe in sharing my life so that others can see the redeeming love of Christ, but to also know that when you belong to Christ you will most still be hit with tragedy and hard times but your journey through it all while it could be "hell on earth".... all of Heaven is holding your hand" (my words)

I know who my people are

 This year's been a bit shit really. Can I say that? I'm going to as I simply cannot think of a nicer way to say it that encompasses everything it needs to. It simply has. My family has been put though the ringer and then some. I actually cannot think of a worser year. For a long time now I've been coining this year "The year from hell but the year from heaven". Nothing has felt safe or stable this year...nothing. Our family had been under a huge attack...a story that is not mine to tell as much as I want to scream and shout about it....I simply can't. But everything that we have stood for, worked towards and our core has been shattered.

Oh, my though ...do I want to let loose and word vomit about it.... Heck yes! One day maybe.... but not now. It's far too raw and we are all still traumatized. But I will say.... there is no pain felt on this earth than witnessing your child go through pain of any kind. But God is good and we know without a doubt that He will bring about good, restoration and redemption for His glory..."Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord" Romans 12: 19....that is what I'm holding on to. But in all of this awfulness we have seen and been on the receiving end of miracles from God himself. We own our house...something we never ever thought possible....and I mean EVER! To feel some kind of sense of security in this time is truly a gift from God.

I am not the same person I was at the beginning of the year. I've changed, grown up maybe.... become more of who I'm meant to be. We have had relationships that have deepened and have been anchored. Relationships that have changed and relationships that have ended. All of which are ok. There's purpose in all and for that I'm thankful. God has a plan for all this...a plan that is good. I don't know what next year will look like...but then again does anyone really? But this I know for certain...I know who my God is, who I am in Christ, that my marriage is strong and my family is tight. I know who I can count on and who's in my corner. I know who my people are...and that's priceless

I Did it!

I hit a personal goal today.... I completed the Couch to 5km app and ran over 5km in 35mins. It's taken me 8 weeks/24 runs to get here. I know that time isn't going to win any medals but considering the mental and physical battles I have had to overcome I'm pretty stoked.

It's been quite the journey this year and pretty much the only 'me' space was if I left the house and went for a run. It appears my limit is 3x runs a week...anymore and I start injuring myself and/or I get sick (stress also doesn't help that). I wasn't going to run today...citing a headache, backache and it's too hot as my excuse. But I chose to stop listening to my whinging self and just do it! And don't get me wrong I whinge pretty much the whole time...making deals with myself such as "if you run to the end of this road you can walk" and then "nope...you've conquered some serious hard stuff...you will not be stopping!" It's pretty much me killing my flesh and mind the whole entire time as I am not a runner, I don't not have a runner's body, I am not a lean graceful gazelle more like the saggy baggy elephant (if you know that book...you'll get my drift and only I can say that thank you) .... but hey....I did it after birthing a heap of beautiful babies over the years ...I did it! So, in my eyes I won and I'm pretty darn happy with myself!

Chillax

Couch, Kids in Bed, Wine, Living Alaska

Just taking a moment to chillax before I head off to bed. Trying not to think about my day tomorrow.... Tomorrow, we hold our first workshop day for our new initiative 'Kaiawhina'. I'm both excited and nervous. We have such beautiful ladies on board that are volunteering themselves for this role...I'm absolutely positive they will be such a blessing to our community.

What you may not know 'Kaiawhina' has always been part of the Loving Arms original vision, but it's taken five years for my vision to come to fruition. And now it's here.... teetering on the brink of it being out there for all to see and for some to experience. Can you see why I'm nervous?

My heart longs for every mother to feel valued, feel beautiful, feel seen, feel like the count and matter, feel cared for and feel loved.... especially our precious gorgeous new mamas. Kaiawhina is the beginning for the mamas we'll serve ....to see themselves and feel this way! Because EVERY mother deserves this!

If you're the praying type...please pray for a fantastic day tomorrow.... hopefully I'll remember to take some pics!

Always Watching

 I do hope you hear my heart and how this post was intended to be received.

This guy feigned sickness today.... but seeing as I was flying solo this morning I didn't fight it. And typically, when the kids are sick mama has stuff to do. With an appointment in Cambridge and a bunch of drop off in Hamilton...it was going to be a long, boring day driving around. But with a promise of McDonald's, they happily came along. Let's be honest though we hadn't even left town and they were complaining. After a myriad of stops and waiting in the car we got to my last drop off in a dubious part of town.

Jesse decided he wasn't having a bar of waiting for me, so he got out and claimed he was coming with me. I didn't even get a chance to argue. So, I called over my shoulder to Jayden saying if I wasn't back in ten minutes to call the police (just being honest).

We walked down the long driveway and after asking neighbors we found the right house. A big burly gentleman came out to meet us. I loaded him up with the boxes of baby stuff, made small talk and we left. We were halfway up and Jesse who was quite quiet suddenly said to me "mum you're a good parent"...I was taken back and then I asked why he thought that. He simply said, "because you save babies...all the babies". I actually teared up even though this isn't an accurate interpretation of what I do.

So, here's my point...kids. Kids are always always watching, listening and taking everything in. They know. And I know this thought can be scary.

But even though he feigned sickness and missed a day's 'learning'.... if what he learnt and witness today was service, an unconditional-no-strings-attached, Christ kind of love...then I'm all for it and I'll consider it a win. My hope for my children is not academics or sport prowess but of beauty, respect, joy, character, commitment, compassion, work ethic, love and a relationship with God Almighty. To me that is success.

Time for Prayer

This morning and what will be every Monday morning a small group of faith-filled people gathered just inside the college gate. Standing in a loosely formed circle that can and will easily make room for more faith-filled people. Heads bowed and undeterred by the freezing cold and the threatened rain we prayed. Each and every one in agreement with the other and the Word of God. All praying for the college, its students and its teachers.... praying for inclusion, love, culture-change, hope and growth. Praying that no one feels alone, unloved or hopeless. Praying for the burden that the teachers feel and carry for their students. Praying for the love of the Heavenly Father, God Almighty Himself will invade and bring the kingdom to earth.

Truth is guys, school isn't what it used to be, there more hurt, more confusion, more chaos, more brokenness than ever before...a true reflection of our society. Schools need our prayers...desperately.

I firmly believe out of the obedience of one girl who heard Gods prompting to pray for her school.... that this circle won't stay this size, that we will see miracles happen and people touched, and many saved. We will see 'Thy Kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven'

If you are local and would like to join our band of merry men and women.... young or old...it doesn't matter. We would love to see you. Its only 20mins.

Small Wins

Tonight is burger night and right now I feel like crying.

See that plate of chopped up pattie...its Frankies plate and it's the FIRST TIME a beef patty has passed her lips! I mean EVER!!! She has only ever eaten sausages and a while back she ate a couple of mouse sized nibbles of cormed beef. But tonight she ate TEN pieces!!! This is such a big deal for us and for her. Having a child with such issues around food is exhausting and don't talk to me about the mum guilt or the outside pressure I feel....let alone the stress.

We have since discovered that when she experiences stress especially around food, she throws a high temp and goes pale and lethargic. It's so crazy! (It's called a psychogenic fever). I just counted on my fingers...there is nine things she eats. 9 that isn't junk food. Ain't nobody going to be healthy on that. So, we truck in the multivitamins for her.

So, this is such milestone for us. I have been praying and working on her even to touch new food. Her AMAZING Kindy (Creators) have been so accommodating and working with her too.... she now eats sandwiches thanks to them!

And before anyone messages me...no she is not on the autism spectrum. I don't know why she is like she is.... she's the only one out of the 8 like it.... even Charlie eats more than her.

It just goes to show you can be a mum of many and still don't know everything!

Doing a happy dance here and celebrating this small win but a win nonetheless!

Beauty & Elegance

I received this yesterday.... a gift from a beautiful friend and I'm in love with it. It's just so pure and simple yet elegant and luxurious.... can it be those things all at once?

To be honest I have never felt worthy or need for such beauty and luxury...why? I dug down real deep into my heart....and found a few reasons why.

1. I have never known what I like or love when it comes to things, clothes, hairstyles, jewelry etc...so its been easier to just go with whatever and let someone else tell me what I like.... that way I'll be right. Even to write that I see that is warped.

2. I have spent so long feeling like beauty and elegance as wasteful, vain and superficial. This has stemmed from being on such a stringent budget for so long, experiencing lack and going without.

3. More recently seeing, smelling and feeling the poverty, and hearing the stories makes me feel so guilty for having things when others simply do not have even the bare basics.

These past few weeks I have mentally been hibernating. Massive events have happened in my family, and I just needed some mental space to sort through it all, to recover....to nourish and nurture myself and my family. They aren't all bad mind you.... we bought a house! Amazing! But even an emotional high can be exhausting.

I have left my work for @lovingarmsnz for 2 weeks just doing the bare minimum to keep it ticking along because to be fully present and engaged...meeting people where they are at, loving them can be taxing and over time makes me not enjoy it and very tearful. It's not the place I want to be.

But I'm back from my space, my mental vacay.....and learning to appreciate beauty and kindness for myself.

This flower will remind me that rest, beauty and elegance, kindness and love are gifts...gifts that I'm worthy of...gifts from God himself and it's ok to enjoy them, to rest in them, to love them...in fact he loves that I do.

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!" Ps 27:13

Settlement Day

 Today...today could any one word hold so much emotion. Today was settlement day! Settlement day!

Today we bought a house...a home....our home. A place for our family to enjoy and make our own. A place to share with friends and family. A place to breathe.

There are no words of the feeling I feel today. This has most certainly a journey of miracles. God is so good.

He Did It.....SOLD!!!!

Guys....Look what happened.... our house has sold....to US! WE OWN OUR HOUSE! Man, what a crazy ride it has been but today we celebrate as it went unconditional today. Where's the bubbles?

We have seen God's hand on every facet of this journey. From God telling Jamie that we would be in our own home at the beginning of the year, to me taking a photo of the serial number for the kitchen lino when they replaced it months ago...just in case, to me telling the kids that the tree outside the lounge window was coming down, to looking at options to be able to buy, to me not 'feeling' like we would be moving, to the bank backing us with very favourable conditions and repayments, to here....we own a house.

Something for all these years we never ever thought possible. God is so good....and he always never ceases to surprise and bless. Our journey has not been easy over the last eight years....and while we may seem to be walking through life full of faith... but you need to hear that I have moments of doubt, worry and tantrums. But it is scripture that hauls me back into place, worship that takes my eyes off myself and our situation and a strength that can only be filled by a good good God.

I'm ridiculously happy right now. I came home from a coffee meeting this morning and Jamie came out and carried me over the threshold of OUR own home....again I'm off to buy bubbles!!!

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us," Ephesians 3:20

Oh, My Goodness!!!

For those that have followed along on the Loving Arms journey will know that this is a very exciting new chapter!

I feel like crying!

Soooooo many feelings going on right now.

Today we received news that Loving Arms Charitable Trust...is live and actually a very real thing. We are all very excited around here as it has been quite the journey to get to this point and i have learnt new things and stretched my poor brain to no end.

Today marks the end of a pivotal chapter in Loving Arms and the beginning of an excited new one.

Thank you to all who have held my hand throughout, explained the big words and legal jargon to me. Thank you to my new board members, my AMAZING team of volunteers and my wonderful family who saw more than a few tears shed in the process.

I'm off to buy bubbles!

Kaiawhina

Well, my new baby is out there now....and I'm kinda petrified. I am not sure if that's the correct response one is suppose to have though. I so badly want new mums to feel valued, seen, supported, cared for and special.... I think I'm just worried about stuffing it up.

The time after welcoming a new baby into the family is so sacred and precious. We as a society so badly undervalue this time.... passing it off with comments such as..."you aren't going to lie around all day, are you?" New mums feel the immense pressure said or not said to bounce back to our normal selves.... NEWS ALERT FOLKS....you will never the same again!!

I could go on but I'll save it for another post.... I don't get time to get a big head around here ...I showed my kids the picture in the newspaper and it was not even an hour before someone nearly screwed me up and used to light the fire. I managed to rescue myself for at least another 24 hrs.

Kids will always keep you humble in my opinion...always. It was back on mum duty...baking, nappy changing, bed making and face wiping. Right back in the trenches for me.

I had some really lovely texts, messages and phone calls....so I just want to thank you ALL for you very kind support and very kind words. I really do feel so humbled.

Loving Arms Turns 5

If I wasn't excited, then I am now. Not only did we get to celebrate Loving Arms 5th birthday yesterday with a fabulous breakfast, but we launched our brand-new initiative out into the world....Kaiawhina. I will do a later post all about it but if you are at all interested you can click on the link below and have a read all about it.

Yesterday was so really special as we celebrated with our long standing and very hard-working volunteers, former mums that have received help from us, local midwives, board members and our local MP Barbara Kuriger MP and Paula Bennett. There are so many people I want to thank that helped pull this occasion off because if it was left up to me, they would have been eating weet-bix. Our amazing pancake breakfast was lovingly cooked for us by former Chef David Raine who gifted us his services. He had the pleasure of my husband Jamie as his kitchen hand. We were treated to coffee by Kelan Attwood who too donated his barista skills to this special occasion.

The room looked absolutely stunning (again not at all me) was dressed by the ever-lovely Sylvia Craig from Tussock & Co. And thank you to our other wonderful supporters that helped me pull this breakfast off.... you all are such gems!

But what I think I loved the absolute most was watching every single person in the room engaging in genuine conversation and enjoying themselves. That was touched my heart the most.

So, as we head into this new chapter of Loving Arms, I can't wait to see what the next 5 years holds for us....I hope you all will join us on this journey.

Much love

Sharni xxx

Be Brave

Some of our beautiful volunteers

Resting in God

It's been a bit of a tough day round here.... I'm trying to be super positive and all...but it's hard. This morning we found out that the offer we put in on this house was declined.... well actually a counteroffer was put forward well over our budget. I'm gutted. I truly thought and felt that we weren't going to be moving from here. Some of you if you have been following along for a while know the story of how we were homeless for a while...prayed very specifically for a rental that ticked all the boxes for our large family. How God gave us this house in the street that we had said "this is a nice street we'd love to live in this street". So now two months after the landlords put this house on the market we bravely stepped out and put our very best offer in this house, but it just wasn't enough. Did I tell you I'm gutted?

I have been trying to rest in Gods peace and His promises, trying to tell myself that if God has closed the door, then He has something better for us.... I'll get there and embrace the excitement of the journey eventually but today many tears have flowed. I know God is good but today I'm asking the question why things can't just be easy for us for once.... knowing full well that if things are easy, we're more likely to rely on ourselves than on our Heavenly Father. I simply can't imagine what God is doing but I know it is good. What I do know is that.... God has already told us that at the beginning of the year that we would be in our own home by the end of the year... (I confess I didn't believe him until the house was put on the market.... because you know... money).

If it hadn't, we wouldn't have investigated options to buy a house for our family or been pre-approved by the bank and consequently be in the position, we are in now to buy. So now as I'm flying solo for four days ...waiting for the landlords to serve us notice...all I can do is simply rest in knowing the God is good, He is faithful, and He's done miracles before...He can do it again! Tomorrow, I'll do it better tomorrow.

What do I do?

A throwback to when it was pleasant to be outside and I could let my baby roam free.

I know I know I have been so MIA of late it's not even funny....sorry everybody. Truth be told I have so much going on that I can't even know what to write about.

It's like I'm having some kind if writers block or identity crisis. Second guessing myself every time I go to post of share something. "Really who wants to see or hear about that?" "Who do you think you are?" Someone has already done that or is nailing that already.... don't even bother" So I hit the delete button....so I have nothing.

So, what do I do...close this account down, keep going with random stuff or combine it with @loving_arms_nz .... I just don't know!

There are so many facets to my life, and I guess so many points of interest to different people.... a social justice warrior, a mother to 8 children, a pastor's wife, in ministry, a mother of babies, a mother of teenagers, not-for-profit founder.... or just general make the most of life geek. I don't pretend to have all the answers because I know I don't and it's dangerous to think one person does. One can be forgiven if they're confused...heck I'm confused half the time.

To be honest the stuff we as a family is journeying through is HUGE....and I just know that there is hope for others to be found in all of it. The big thing for me is what and just how much to share. I'm not one that can cope with negativity or criticism very well....and we all know that not everyone is kind and understanding. I suppose its finding that all important balance like everything in life....*sigh.

I have been told sooooo many times that I need to write a book....I might have to be a series at this rate.

What do you all think? Am I going crazy? Actually, don't answer that!

Don't Mind Me

Today it all seems too much. I'm overwhelmed, tight-chested and anxious. Sick, grizzly and extremely clingy baby is NOT conducive to getting the house ready for 1pm when the agent wants to show people through. Seriously I'm battling with not being bitter and unreasonable about it. It also means I'm going to have to leave for 45 mins so it's not uncomfortable. It's cold and raining and I'm tired. There are a myriad of other things that I need to be doing instead of detail cleaning the house. My @loving_arms_nz list of to-dos is a mile long, not to mention the @mothersinarmsnz event we are hosting this Friday.

Today is a battle of the flesh, this very tired flesh and I'm not sure who will win today.... I used to not like posting these kinds of thoughts in fear of people thinking or saying I can't cope or that I needed to quit, give up or that perhaps I shouldn't be doing what I do or worse that I shouldn't have had so many children! But you know what we all have off days, days where it's all too much. From the stay-at-home mum with 2 children to the CEO of a multimillion-dollar company.

I also know that I'll survive today like I have all the other bad days I've had and everything that needs to happen will happen regardless of how I feel. So don't mind me.... I'll be over here vacuuming with my baby on my back.

Daniel Fast

At present I'm day 10 into a 21-day Daniel Fast....not that I'm counting down the days. (I'm so counting the days lol) For those that don't know what a Daniel Fast is....it's where you only eat fruit, veges, nuts, seeds, brown rice and water. That means no meat, no dairy, no eggs, no coffee, no sugar, and no alcohol! Pretty much no processed food. The original Daniel Fast is found in the Book of Daniel, first in chapter 1 and again in chapter 10. Daniel was a great man of God, prayer and thanksgiving. The entire point of doing any kind of fast is to deny yourself of something...food, coffee, technology whatever to draw closer to God, to seek His face, and to lean into Him and His strength when the going gets tough as you battle your will over the very thing you have denied yourself. Honestly, it's been so much harder than I thought it would be. I have wanted to give up many times, so much so its physically hurt. But I haven't...and that is only by the grace of God...it certainly hasn't been in my own strength.

What I've learnt is that a huge percentage of our lives has food attached to it...meeting a friend for coffee, a pre-dinner wine, after dinner chocolate, hanging out with friends, working bee lunch, early morning cuppa, mid-afternoon snack...don't even get me started on date night! The habits that I've formed and are now painfully breaking are so strong...I don't feel right without my 10am coffee.

What I've notice spiritually and mentally....my mind is way more clearer. I feel like there is way less junk crowding out useful and productive thoughts. I most definitely feel more connected to God through prayer and reading His Word. And seeing I'm praying into some areas of our life that has been the best thing ever!

After the awful headache wore off 4 days in, physically I feel more spritely and less weighty after a meal.

I'm just under halfway and while I'm looking forward to not being restrained in what I can eat and the coffee...not gonna lie. I'm also excited to see what God will show me and do in the next 11 days. I'm anticipating something fantastic. Sooo exciting. Watch this space.....

Letting People In

I was treated to an early morning courier drop today...and on my doorstep I found a package containing a packet of turmeric and cacao latte from @friendlyfantail ...a well-timed gift from a friend.

One thing I've learnt over the years of living by faith ...is how to live authentically in community with people. If I'm totally honest, I'm still learning this. My natural instinct is to isolate and hide. To deflect questions with more questions or a change of topic. I don't want to be seen, I don't need anybody, no one needs to bother with me...in fact I'm better alone. What God has been teaching me over the last several years is in fact we are better together, to let people in, to live vulnerable and real, raw and gritty. It's taken me years for walls to come down and let people fully in. To not live in fear that if they truly knew me, they would turn and run away fast. All lies and tactics used by the devil himself to stop me from living fully and accomplishing my God given calling.

And boy does the devil know where to hit you in order to take you out. We are struggling at the moment with huge giants as a couple and as a family....one private and personal....one not so much... (I mean come on there is a giant for sale sign out the front). One we are full on waging war against in the spiritual realm, the other we are trying doors where we see fit and praying but both are ultimately relinquished into our Saviours hands.

Jesus tells us, "In the world you will have tribulation" John 16:33 Has it been fun no way.... I wouldn't wish this stuff on anyone. But I serve a big God that uses EVERYTHING for good.... if you let Him. My learning in letting people in has meant people get to see the messy and the ugly, the hurt and the broken, the pain and disappointment.... now that's vulnerability for you.

Have they run away...NO... instead they have pulled in closer and tighter...wrapping me up in a whole lotta grace and love. In the words of Brene Brown "if you are going to fully live in the arena of life...you are going to get your #$^% kicked" ...totally true! Just saying

Not Yet!

Ok so my Camillia flower is seen a better day, but I still keep as it was an encouragement gift from wee Frankie. In the midst of some tough days of sickness (flu) and family challenges. She gave it to me and said she thinks "I'm amazing". Bless her little cotton socks. I know I've been a little quiet over here.... truth is we've had some challenges and some of the kids have come down with the worst flu ever and some with bad head colds and coughs. I'm already over the winter bugs.

My last post I told you all that our house had been put on the market....and that I had a peace about it...mostly! I still have that but everyday I'm reminded by concerned people and of course the media about how bad the rental market is out there. Yes, I know it is.... oh how I know. It's hard for people that don't share the same faith level or understanding as you, to understand where you are coming from.... all they want to know is what are you going to do. Something I can't answer yet. No, I haven't started packing. No, I haven't started looking for other rentals either. We have made inquiries with a mortgage broker....to see what our options are. But mostly we are praying and believing in a big God. I know for a fact that whatever happens "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

God's Going To Move

We have faced some pretty big giants in our lives...now it seems we are facing three at once. Granted some are bigger than others and some are certainly uglier than others but nonetheless they are giants all the same. This is our latest one......the 'for sale' sign at the front of our house. Those that have been following our beautifulcrazyfaith journey for a while now will know that we have faced this before a few years back. Yes, I know that as renters this is the risk you sign up for every time you sign that tenancy agreement...you are living there at the mercy of your landlords. I get that.... I do and if I could change it I would.

But I have a Holy peace folks. I can't explain it but it's good. God has got this...and whatever it may look like in the end...He is good and nothing is ever wasted. Don't get me wrong I get rattled while in the peace...like yesterday when the sign went up it rattled me and I could feel the anxiety hanging around me like a cloak.... weighing me down and making me snappy with the kids. I pray and pray and sing worship songs and recite scripture and remind God of things. I thank Him for His complete faithfulness in the past and that He is working behind the scenes for His glory. Then just like that peace prevails again as quickly as it left. His Word is alive people!

I don't know what the future holds for us....it remains a mystery. Would we love to buy and have our own home.... absolutely we would! Years ago, we listened to very bad advice from someone we respected but that's life isn't it! So that little thing called a deposit eludes us. Jamie and I have lived through some very tough financial times where we have had 35c in our bank account and very little food, yet we have never missed a rent payment in all our 19 or so years.

So, my lovely readers watch this space.....Gods going to move!

One Years Old Today

Well folks.... our wee Charlie Grace is ONE! Just like that we blink and her first year is gone.

Shes truly a gift....the one we didn't know we needed but God knew what he was doing when he blessed us with her. Funny that!

We have spent the day enjoying her company, hugging and kissing her all the time and have sung her Happy Birthday 245 times already! What an experience it must be to be the youngest of 8 children. Having 7 older siblings to cheer you in in every little thing you do, picking you up, sharing stuff with you and making you giggle. She has the family sussed out already. I laugh as her oldest brothers is crazy with her...making loud noises and chasing her. Where most kids might cry or get a fright...she literally doesn't even flinch....she just turns and looks at them like the weirdos they can be.

As I think back to this day a year ago...to one of the hardest days of my life. I have purposely chosen not to think about how awful it was and the experience I missed out on....but to focus on the beautiful, exquisite gift that was born.

Charlie Grace Aged 1

Lover of mama cuddles, baths, snacks in a bowl, baby-shark, scrambled eggs, water, pussycats, being outside, bouncy balls and cuddly toys.

Hates getting out of the bath, having to come inside, sitting in the car for too long and not having someone to touch in the middle of the night.

Bites my legs to get me to pick her up. Doesn't smile at strangers no matter how hard they try. Shares her toys with other babies. Can walk but prefers to crawl still. Has five teeth. And loves a good round of applause....especially if it's for her!

Happy Birthday sweet girl!

Yummo!!