Last Night Together

You will have to excuse me if I miss any spacebar mistakes that I may miss when re-reading this blog as my 20mth old has pried off the space bar and hid it. We since have found it but its not working like it should - you now have to make an conscious effort to use strength in your thumb for it to work.  He has been doing things like that lately- scally wag!   Today I found the remote to the DVD machine floating upside down in the bath. Fortunately that still works or it was going to be bye-bye DVD machine because you need the remote to work it.  Yesterday it was another remote that had to rescued from the clutches of Jesse who was heading out to the sandpit.  I wonder what I will find where tomorrow?

So tonight it most likely the last night my wee man Jesse and I will have together.  I am sad, so sad. But also maybe a little teeny weeny tiny bit excited. Maybe about 0.5%.  Tomorrow he will be vacating our bedroom.(insert sad face here) Currently we have a giant bed between the three of us, being Jamie, Me and Jesse, a single bed pushed up against the wall and our queen bed jammed up against that.  I can roll and moved between my bed and Jesse's bed with somewhat ease and makes for midnight "uggles" (Jesse's word for cuddle) and hand-holding especially easy.  I will miss that.

But as much as I will miss it, he needs to move in plenty of time for him to get used to being in the same room with big boys and not right next to me before this next wee bubba comes along. I can't work out how I was going to bed-share with one husband, one toddler and a newborn. So with ten, eleven or twelve weeks to go before that happens now is the time. sigh! OH how I hate this!

30 week pregnant silhouette!

Fortunately I have a super duper husband that is prepared to spend the next week sleeping in a bed next to Jesse's in the room with two of the big boys. He is good like that.  And me I will get to have the entire bed to myself, be able to turn on the light at night, maybe even READ before I go to sleep AND be able to slip out of the side of the bed at night (as most pregnant ladies do multiple times a night) and not have to crawl down to the end of the bed to get out.  Now that I am looking forward to.

I ao enjoy sleeping with my children, especially my babies close to me, literally within arms reach. I enjoy listening to their breathing and their gorgeous sleeping sounds.  I love that when they are wee I don't have to get out of bed and up to feed them, we can just cuddle and fall back to sleep together.  I love that their sweet chubby fingers curl around mine or rest against my cheek and their tiny body molds itself into mine. It is so beautiful, so peaceful.  I will miss him, like I have missed all my others.

I know that this isn't everybody's cup of tea or idea of how babies and children should sleep or be put to bed and that's OK. But this works for us and our family and we will never change it.  You best be praying for me (and for Jesse) that this is a smooth transition.

Sleeping so peacefully! 

Anticipating....

This may well be the last time I sit here as a mother of five.  I am sitting in anticipation, waiting....collecting my thoughts and feelings, in reflection and wonder.  Birth is very much a mental and emotional journey,  maybe even on par with the physical event.  Ones head space is ever so important.   I think I am there....I must be....as I sit and let my fingers write my thoughts...my body is doing wondrous things.

 

A tightening here, an ache there, a twinge here and a movement there!  My thoughts are never far away from this little one and our journey ahead.  I am looking forward to it. Not just for the end of a pregnancy and the discomfort that end-of-pregnancy brings but for the journey itself, for finally seeing face to face this little one that I have been getting to know over the past nine months and seeing the pride and wonder in my husbands face and the joy and excitement in my children's faces. I can't wait!  This journey has not only been mine but our family's also.

 

Photo by Maria Dorssers

 

I am now on the journey towards meeting this little one and it is good.  Birth is something that we women have been doing since time began. We know.   Its all about knowing and trusting.  Knowing who we are, who we have been created to be and trusting in God our creator, for he made us in his image. For me birth is enveloped in sacredness, in love and in tradition.  This is the sixth time I have been down this road yet it is not any less special or precious or exciting.  I have the people in place and the things that will help me along in this journey.  It may read that this is a serious only time but I tell you there has been some hilarious times too.  Laughter is good. Laughter is essential.   

 

Everything is in order now. Although I am sure I could find more things to clean, sort, throw out and fold but all the essential things are done and organised.  I am pretty sure this baby isn't going to care if the pot draw is in disarray or if the hallway needs just one more vacuum!

 

The birthday cake has been made by biggest brother Casey and awaits the start of our journey where it can be taken out of the freezer, defrosted and iced.

The Bubbles (grape juice) are being chilled.

Baby clothes have carefully been chosen, washed, folded and refolded.

 

We are all waiting......

 

I am ever so thankful that I don't have to go anywhere to have this baby, that I can just be here in my home and bask in the present of those who love me.

 

So this is us for now....(well minus 2 years)

 

we will look a bit different next time we visit together!

 

See you soon!!

xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

God Filtered Times

I don't know how many times I have waken in the middle of the night just itching to write about something that seems to be composing itself in my head.  I can't stop it, I can't go back to sleep and I can't think of anything else while this is happening.  Does that sound strange?  Perhaps if the whole entire family wasn't sleeping in the lounge last night (where the computer is) I might of got up and turned on the computer and let my fingers say what my mind was talking about. 

This is not a normal blog for me but at this moment it needs to be written. There are no pictures of memories and activity, no smiling eyes and cherubic faces of my wonderful children. No this blog comes from way down deep where pain, confusion and hurt have lived and remnants still linger.  Its grown out of times of  many tears and fears.

But.....out of all this something beautiful is growing, something wonderful is being created and we can look back, even now, still in the midst of it and see how much we are blessed, how much we have grown, how much we are grateful for and most importantly see how much GOD himself has his hand in our lives.

Not many of you know and some of you do, that Jamie lost his job very suddenly just before Christmas. It came as a huge shock, so much so that the pain inside felt like a tearing of the insides.  Many a sickening thoughts of "What are we going to do?  How will we survive? etc"  Being a single income, homeschooling family its a VERY scary place to be.  We felt very broken indeed.  Telling the kids that things were going to get tough (no pocket money, no summer holiday and no treats was really hard).

Someone asked me just after in happen, how long do you think you can survive?  I remember telling them, thinking about the bank balance "Um I don't know, maybe 6 weeks". Six weeks isn't long especially when Christmas is smack bang in the middle of it.  Scary thoughts of not being able to afford insurance, rent, food etc plagued my mind in never-ending waves. Sounds oh so dismal doesn't it!

But....that was nearly five months ago now.  Jamie is still looking for work and we are still here, still in our house, none of us are starving and wearing thread bare clothes.  The bills are paid.  We have come through four birthdays (with presents even) I am blown away but very grateful at Gods continual providence.

Whether or not we think what happen was unfair or not is now irrelevant, it happened. Yes it sucks!  And I have to admit I am still harbouring a little bitterness and hurt over what happened.  That dawned on me one day when I went to buy chook food from another rural supplies store and the sights, sounds, smells and conversations that the staff were having around me became very overwhelming and as the nice man loaded the chook food into the boot of my car. Tears were streaming down my face. (to the man - I am so sorry)  I sobbed all the way to my Mother-in-laws house and then continued to sob on her shoulder.  (stupid mascara wasn't waterproof either)  Bitterness creeps up on me unexpectedly too. Like the other day at soccer when we saw an ex-staff-member and she chatted to Jamie liked nothing had happened - I felt really yuck and uncomfortable and didn't really want to spend time talking to her. Not very Christian like I know.

I am generally not a bitter or unforgiving person but I have to admit this is taking some working at.
I look at our situation and where we have come from and am absolutely thankful that I have God in my life.  To go through something like this without knowing him, his word and his promises would be unfathomable!  To have no hope, nothing to put your faith in, nothing to trust in, nothing to hold on to in the middle of dark times.  To be enduring wakeful nights worrying about how you are going to pay the bills and put food on the table - with nothing to rely on.  Blaming people and being angry all the time. Some people never ever get past that.  God has so many promises in his word for me (for all of us) and they are available 24/7

"The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,

and their inheritance will endure forever.

In times of disaster they will not wither:

in days of famine they will enjoy plenty"

                                               Psalm 37:18-19

God has been our provider in so many different ways.  And its not all about getting lump sums of money either although in a few cases it has been.  Its the food vouchers, gifts of food, the deer that Jamie and his brother shot. The invites for dinner, the abundance of veges out of our garden, honey out of the hives and even down to the bottles of milk we have been given.  The free firewood.  But its more than that too!  Its the support, the prayers, the encouragement from family, friends and our church!  If we didn't have that all those things, times would be so much tougher.  It says in his word that "there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" - Ecclesiastes 3:1 and its true.  You can not have it sweet and safe your whole life, trouble does come.  Its in those time that you see who you really are and what you are made of, its in those time that you see who is really on your side, supporting you and cheering you on.  I actually find it strange that some friends have not showed any support to us at all and some have not even mentioned it, not even to ask how we are doing or to say "look I am really sorry to hear what you are going through".  I am not expecting anyone to fix this for us and provide a job out of thin air but at least some acknowledgement would of been nice.  I am picking that its like that for people who have had someone close to them die.  Some people don't know what to say so they don't say anything and even go to lengths to avoid them.

I know that God is doing something amazing in our lives.  I am often reminded of Job in the bible who lost everything and was covered in boils from head to toe.  His friends sat around and said he was to blame in some way.  But God allowed this disaster to happen to Job so that it could be  seen what Job was made of - character building you could say!    I don't believe that any ones character is bettered by having everything rosie all the time.  At the end of chapter of Job, God restores everything and then some back to Job, and even though he was essentially rewarded for his trouble he wouldn't of got it all at once.  It says that Job was blessed with five more children, we all know that doesn't happen over night!

I know that some people say that God could of prevented this from happening.  Yes I suppose he could if it was the best thing for us.  God loves us so much that he just wants us to have the best life possible and to be the best people we can be.  Who would want second best?   We don't.

I have learnt that its not wise to be looking to far into the future, that leads to worry and worrying is a fruitless time waster!  It will not fix anything.  It easy said than done of course.   But we constantly remind ourselves that our trust and hope is in God and God only.  We are fully confident that God will provide our needs and even some of our wants and desires.

"My heart is confident in you, O God,

my heart is confident.

No wonder I can sing your praises" Psalm 57:7

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you" 1 Peter 5:7

We know that in times to come there will be hurdles and things that could potentially be worrying will turn up, bills that will come, things that will need to be replaced.  But for now I will just focus on today and maybe even tomorrow.  Each meal, each bill and each moment.  I have a choice to make whether or not this will beat me or I will beat it!   Right at the beginning of this trying time Jamie and I declared that we were going to learn everything we could out of this, we were going to grow as people, as a couple and as a family. We are determined not to have to repeat something like this, that this would also make us stronger as a couple and a family unit.  Our faith has certainly grown.

Things I have learnt during this time....would be...

• That ones identity and security is not (or should not be) tied up in the position one holds or in the income bracket they might be in.
• That we could have done so much more and given so much more with the income we did have. So many people have needs that far out weigh the needs we have.
• That there are many people that are far worse off than us (cliche I know but its true). We have each other, we have all our children and everyone is healthy and we are safe!
• That belonging to a church, to something that is bigger than yourself is so important. Its somewhere that supports you and loves you and that you can support and serve in too.  The saying "its more blessing to give than to receive" rings true here.

I love God, my husband, my family, my friends and my church family.  During this time I have felt like these people have carried me during the tough times, that warms my heart and I am ever so thankful.

 

We are still on this journey and I don't know when there will be a let up...but I know that every time I need God he will be there!  Every single time.  Yes there will be times and things that I won't like and I will want to throw a tantrum and cry and stomp and that's ok. As long as I don't stay in that state.  I hope I don't sound as though I am never scared or have an attack of the worries, I do and often. I stumble.  But its a purposeful choice to believe in his words and his promises.  That's when I pray and pray hard.

I will leave you with these to verses that God gave me soon after Jamie lost his job....I just love his promises and I will keep hanging on to these for as long as need be, although I am hoping that its not too much longer.

"Come back to the place of safety,

 all you prisoners who still have hope!

I promise this very day that I will repay two blessings

for each of your troubles"

- Zechariah 9:12

"Instead of shame and dishonor,

you will enjoy a double share of honor.

You will possess a double portion of prosperity

in your land,

and everlasting joy will be yours."

- Isaiah 61:7

Easter Fun

So I am really digging deep to get this written today - so hopefully it turns out alright! 

Easter is a time for celebration, tradition and family. Maybe separately or together.  Its always been a pretty big deal but over the past few years its got even bigger.    In order to turn the focus away from Easter Bunny and chocolate eggs which has played a major part in the past we have really made a big focus on the most important event of all time. 

The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ! Whether you believe it or you don't, if you celebrate Easter in one form or another you are celebrating this momentous occasion.

So kick off this Easter season as part of  'school' we (our family) reenacted Palm Sunday. If you don't know the story its found in Matthew 21. Take a look!

Since we didn't have a donkey handy or palm leaves or robes for that matter we really had to improvise. But the whole point was to bring the passage to life for the kids sake.  Everyone had a turn at being Jesus riding on the donkey (bike) and everyone had a turn at lying robes (towels) on the ground for the donkey to walk over and waving palm (tree branches).  Twas quite fun! Even if our Palm Sunday was on the Monday!

This Jesus fell off his donkey!

After six people having turns at playing Jesus I think they all know the story pretty well.

 Excuse the quality of the next picture, I took a photo of the video playing on the TV.

On Good Friday we went to Jamie's brothers house to have a Passover celebrate. The kids (on their own accord) made a video of the Crucifixion and Resurrection of Jesus.  I just love what these kids came up with when they are together.

Jesus and Simon carrying the cross.

Our passover meal was amazing. It was the second year that we have done it and this year my 14 year old niece put it together and ran the evening. She did an amazing job and every one in the family had a part to play. 

 

 Here are some pics.

Communion by candlelight

Dinner on the floor!

As part on the ceremony we watch the passover scene from the Prince of Egypt movie by candlelight. I have to say that the atmosphere felt very sacred, holy and even a little emotional.

Afterwards we 'painted' our own front door (with crepe paper)

 

The hand washing part of the ceremony.

Casey and Uncle Mike

The dinner was lovely and definitely the reflected the real meaning of Easter. Thank you to Kaysha for putting it together.

On Easter Sunday after an awesome church service we celebrated by our annual Easter Egg hunt!  Its a mission to hide all those eggs, enough for five children!

 

 

 

The thing with Easter Egg hunts is that you need to count how many eggs you are hiding and also vaguely remember where you have hidden them!  Last year Sophie found one or two a couple of weeks later while she was playing outside.

And lastly to top off the Easter celebrations,

Uncle Eon's Double Chocolate Muffins

 (Easter Muffins)

Don't you just love hand-written recipes, they hold so much history and many memories of the people and places that you love.

Easter is up there with Christmas for us. So much emphasis is place on Christmas with all the hype and what-not but we need to celebrate more. Our society as a whole can be quite shallow and void of traditions and celebrations.  We need more!  And they don't have to be all commercialised either, its all about getting together with the ones you love and sharing moments.

I would love to squeeze in some more celebrations into our calendar year.

I hope your Easter was a good one, however you celebrated!

What are some of your traditions and celebrations?

Creative... Sisters

This has the potential to be embarassing. My two girls share a bedroom. Miss Kaitlyn (4) on the top and Miss Sophie (2) on the bottom.  Its a lovely room, two pinks walls and two lime green walls.  White curtain with big green and pink spots. White drawers with lime green handles.  It has the POTENTIAL to be a very very nice room.  There is one problem, my two girls are very messy creative wee things!  This is what I mean.

This can happen after a day, no, an afternoon of play.  They play 'Grown Ups' (I am the Mum and you can be the baby), they dress up, they change their clothes, shoes. Hop in and out of bed. Push dolls around in the pram and make up the dolls bed. Make piles of books and then read every single one of them!  They even get out the clothes that are put away that are too big and too small for them and try them on!  Hence the room gets very very messy!!   So every few days I get sick of standing over and through the mess, tripping over dolls cots and slipping on books. So I spend some time with or without my two daughters, tidying up the room. Having spent considerable amount of time over the years tidying the boys room, (fortunately they do this themselves most of the time now) I have notice that there are things that are unique to wee girls rooms.  In my boys rooms I can find sticks (for swords, bow and arrows), containers containing worms, earwigs, slaters and/or spiders, leaves, rocks and bits of wood hammered together to resemble....well I am not entirely sure.  So different are the things I find while tidying the girls room.

  Here are some of the things I found that makes girls...well girls.

Collections of odds and ends uniquely to little girls include mirrors, anything that is remotely sparkly, special cards and 'precious' jewellery!

An extensive art collection (this is just one wall). 

The painting of a flower on the right Jayden (then 6) bought at a youth group auction. He stuck up his hand and shouted out $47!  Needless to say he won it and bought it courteous of Mum and Dad.  It was the highest price paid for anything that night, everything else went for $5 to $10.

My little pony is having a bad hair day.

For me, this is the epitome of a little girls childhood!

A 'baby' in bed!

Kaitlyns most favourite shoes, her 'golden' jandels!

Sisterly love at its best! 

 Sharing a moments rest on the front porch!

Yes the mess gets me down and can make me a little grumpy. But I remind myself is that while they are doing all this playing, they are doing it together.

Big sister. Little sister.

Best of friends.

Helping.

Smiling and Loving

Simple.

“Sister. She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child.” ― Barbara Alpert

Christmas Fun, Family and Friends

HELLO there,   I feel like I have been away for ages...I have actually. Away from the computer, away from home, away from technology.  Its been quite nice actually.  I trust that everyone had a lovely Christmassy time spending it with the precious people in your lives.

Descendants of Linda Johnston (my mother-in-law)
Grandchildren and I see a couple of her children in there too!

Christmas time for us is spread out over all of December and some years it even manages to creep into January too. Phew!

My sisters first ever attempt into building a gingerbread house!

Christmas time for us, is not complete without our family tradition of new Pyjamas to open and wear on Christmas Eve!  This year we got to my Mums (four hours drive away) and I realised that I FORGOT them!  I KNOW!  I was resigned to the fact that perhaps we might have to forgo this tradition this year. But good old Mum came to the rescue and shoved me into the car and off to buy five sets of new Pyjamas at eight thirty at night! Bless you Mum!

 

 Its summer here, so Christmas means lots of BBQ with good food, wine,

and an almost endless supply of potato chips, and I have a little girl that LOVES potato chips! Can you tell?

Glorious days spent swimming, sunning and skimming stones.

 

Very special days!

Its time like these we reflect on how blessed we really are, to have people to love and to love us back.   To have people that care, that hold you up when you want to fall down.

 BUT

 most of all to have the most amazing GOD who loves us and blesses us every single day in so many different ways!

Happy New Year everyone

 and may it be filled with GODS riches blessings!

from my son Casey (10)
 shhhh don't tell him I showed you!;)