The Elijah Syndrome

I am suffering from this today. I know I am. So one would think if I knew that I was it would be easy to shake it off. I am trying to.

Elijah Syndrome = Where one experiences a great high in life/ministry, a great break through in ones life.... Where one spends ALL of ones energy that one comes to a screeching halt and spirals down quickly after said high. You spiral down and then you are attacked by the enemy. You down play what has been accomplished, doubt and fear creep in. You just want to curl up and sleep, cry, and eat...possibly all at once. (This is my own definition of course.)

This is me...right now. Just like Elijah ran away and hid when he found out that he was being chased down by Jezebel who was wanting to kill him. After he had killed 400 prophets of Baal and then prophesied and witnessed rain coming after a severe drought, all this among other things. He got depressed, feared, had a pity party and hid. He hid.

Please don't be mistaken for thinking that I am comparing myself to Elijah, to what he accomplished for the Lord. I am just a mere dot compared to him.

"Ahab told his wife Jezebel what Elijah had done and that he had killed the prophets. 2 She
sent a message to Elijah: “You killed my prophets. Now I’m going to kill you! I pray that the gods will punish me even more severely if I don’t do it by this time tomorrow.”

3 Elijah was afraid when he got her message, and he ran to the town of Beersheba in Judah. He left his servant there, 4 then walked another whole day into the desert. Finally, he came to a large bush and sat down in its shade. He begged the Lord, “I’ve had enough. Just let me die! I’m no better off than my ancestors.” 5 Then he lay down in the shade and fell asleep." - 1 King 19:1 - 5

You see, Elijah was spent. Emotionally, Spiritually, Physically (look how far he ran and walked) and Mentally. When you are spent you are very much susceptible to what Leena Tankersley calls 'soul bullies'. And in times like these 'soul bullies' come out to play and have a field day.  They certainly had a field day with Elijah so much so he was hugely afraid of Jezebel, even though he had just accomplished all that he had done for God....he failed to see and to trust the Lord to help him overcome this particular problem. All he wanted to do was curl up and begging the Lord to let him die.

OK so I am not begging God for that....but I am spent. Today we had the Loving Arms 'Walk of Fun' and while it was a great day, and it was certainly fun and we absolutely raised a great amount of money for a worthy cause. I am glad it is over. I have spent hours upon hours, days and days planning and organising this event. Its nearly all I have thought about at night because I can't sleep. It has got me out of my comfort zone having to ask people and businesses to help, to support or to donate. I hated doing that but I did it. I forced me to talk 'bras' with complete strangers (some of them men which was very awkward) and why they were needed. Oh so awkward. I know I certainly haven't pulled this off on my own. I owe a lot to other people doing things for me but its been tough going. I enjoyed the day immensely, I enjoyed seeing people have a great time, people dressing up, people giving, people laughing, people eating. I LOVED seeing the kids come through the finish line like they had run a marathon. I loved watching people mingle with each other and talking. I LOVED giving out spot prizes to people and seeing their excitement over winning something. I am blessed. I AM so proud of our generous community of people that captured my vision and saw the importance of what we were raising money for. I cannot wait to present the amount to our recipients and just knowing that this will help many a new mother makes it all worth it. 

But in all that I am tired. I became very emotional this afternoon and cried. I cry all the time I know this but I cried out of frustration and tiredness. Do you know why? Because I looked in the mirror and saw a fat person, because I know that the scales are showing me unfavorable numbers which means we aren't on talking terms. I felt so defeated and worthless. Now I know I aren't obese or even hugely overweight, I know this. But I can do and be better. My doctor told me that I have had seven children and to give myself a break. But my screeching halt, my attack of the 'soul bullies' came in the form of a full force, all out war against the way I saw myself and how worthless I am because I can't lose the 5kg that I want to. The enemy hit me where he knew I would hurt the most. Talk about rude!  I went from the huge high to a huge low in a matter of hours. Not cool.

But God whispered to me "Elijah Syndrome". These words aren't in the bible anywhere but I knew exactly what He meant. Pray and pray hard. Rest and rest hard. Nurture yourself. Be kind to yourself. So for the next few days I will rest, and nurture myself. I will immerse myself in His Word and surround myself with good people. And I will heal.

I hope that you too will now recognise your 'soul bullies' and recognise when they come out to play. Your may be different to mine. Recognise when they come out to play, recognise their voices, their words and deal with them. You are worth it.

"He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

3 

He restores my soul;" - Ps 23:2-3a