The Boil of Emotions

Today I cried. I stood at the kitchen sink and looked out my window and cried. My chest was tight, my breathing shallow and the tears flowed. No one had died (thank goodness). The straw that broke the camels back was......wait for it...dirty kitchen windows! The horror.  With a reaction like that one could be forgiven for thinking that they suddenly became dirty from some kind of kitchen disaster or an indoor mud-slinging match (likely to happen around here) but no they have been dirty for a while....a long while.  But for some reason today they screamed at me AHHHHHH I AM DIRTY and YOU HAVEN'T CLEANED ME and the biggest one of all FAILURE! You all should know by now that housework isn't my favourite thing to do and if there is something else to do that's more fun or more pressing like chatting with friends then I'll do that instead.

So  there I was the world threatening to close in on me, standing at the kitchen sink, tears flowing, thinking about all I had to do, the state of my house, the state of the world, the cakes I had to make, the birthday party I had to plan and pull off, the washing I had to wash, hang, get in, fold and put away, the people I needed to contact, the things I needed to sort out, the christmas presents I had to buy, the christmas crafts I needed to make, the rooms I needed to clean AND my dirty kitchen windows! My big boil of emotions had finally burst and it was dirty kitchens windows that did it.

I don't know about you, but my kids are pretty used to seeing me cry for one reason or another. They see me cry and yell "Daaaad Mums crying again!"  I cry over everything, sad stuff, happy stuff, funny stuff, beautiful stuff and anything where the underdog wins and where David defeats Goliath . Oh and I cry at parades too! (apparently that's not so normal)

Jamie, my husband is pretty good and is pretty used to me crying, so he just sat on my bed and listened to me spill out everything that was in my head, everything that needed to come out and probably then some. After I had finished he sits, gives me a cuddle and says "Sorry you feel all that...you don't need to do it all at once.  Then he leaves me for some space and commands the kids NOT to go anywhere near me....Ahhh bless him.  In that time I cleaned my room with the "help" of Jesse and once I had finished I felt so much better....ready to take on the world again. Yep just like that!

Its like everything had built up inside me and the only way for me to feel any better was for all that stuff, (like poison) to come out. Like a boil.  We women folk are like that, I know I am not alone here. We all need a good meltdown from time to time. A time where we get pushed a little too far and then we cry and then we feel better. Perhaps we all should cry earlier or more! I know we aren't suppose to be doing it all, we can't do it all, we don't expect others to do it all so why do we not give ourselves the same grace and ease up on ourselves??  I don't know, do you??

Truth is I don't have it altogether, far from it, far far far far from it.  I'll let you in on a little secret ok.....shhhh come closer.... I don't know what I am doing, in actual fact I have no idea and I am even a little scared. I don't know how this is going to turn out anymore. I am living today, tomorrow maybe even a little into next week and that's about it.  The thing about believing and trusting in God is that I have hope, a hope that God will use ALL of this and make it into something beautiful. That is the promise that I hold on to every single day!

This is what the LORD says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. 11For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. 14I will be found by you,” says the LORD. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”                                                                                                                            Jeremiah 29:10-14 NLT

Post dinner dishes!

PS. When I eventually came out of my room I was reduced to tears AGAIN because Jamie had cleaned my kitchen windows! I love him so much!

Do you know what you are doing?  What gets you through the day to day grind? Do you ever explode?  Are you a "cry-er"??