Documenting December Day 10

For a few years now I have had this crazy idea to do a family activity advent......like I need extra things to do at this time of year BUT the kids love it well at the very least the idea of it, (the teenager of the house is a little reluctant to show enthusiasm for some of them).  Jamie and I are busy with extra-activities outside the house so I.... no WE need this to keep us connected as a family. To remind us that this season whats really important is family and as crazy and chaotic and loud as we are, we so ROCK!

 Day 10

Christmas Cookie Day.

Any ideas of sweet idyllic moments all around the table rolling out cookie dough and cutting them into beautiful Christmas shapes are quickly kicked to the curb. Past experiences with um life with kids has taught me that ideas like the above belong in the movies or in books only. Don't bring them into my house.

Little fat fingers scoop cookie mixture out of the bowl when I am not looking, the mixture is always to sticky or too dry, there is always fights over the rolling pin and the medium size star, flour gets EVERYWHERE and probably a third of the mixture gets eaten before it makes it to the tray!

I cannot be a control freak nor will any of our cookies make it on to the boards of pinterest, not at all!!

But they have fun, it may last for ten minutes only and made a terrible mess but it was fun!  Which makes it all worth it. I may have been tired today, I may have lost my voice which of course makes communicating extremely hard and I may have had to substitute ingredients because the pantry is looking a bit sparse BUT it happen because we were committed to it happening.

I just want to say that when you plan things like this, something else has to be put aside or postponed.(for me its always something like folding washing) You can't physically or mentally fit everything into your day. A decision has to be made based on what is important to you and your family right at the moment and for every family the decision will look different to anothers. 

Don't compare just make a decision for YOU.

What Christmas tradition do you have? Do you bake with your kiddies?  How is your December going? Tell me.....

PS You can following along with all of our December days on Instagram if you like, search up #beautifulcrazyfaith

Documenting December Day 4

Today was one of those days where I had 1273 plus things to do and only a limited amount of time to do it all in. It happens this time of year.... to everyone!

Our little boys turns three tomorrow and he has requested a RED tractor cake (of course he has), shopping had to be done, baking to do, visitors to visit with (important) and while we are here lets squeeze in advent activities. Today's family activity was make your own Christmas decoration (thanks Pinterest). I could of easily dismissed this saying there was too much to do but NO I purposely chose not to because these kids...well I actually like them, no LOVE them. They are important and togetherness is important. Its easy for me (and for you probably) to get busy at this time of year that we forget the ones that are most important if we aren't aware as we run here there and everywhere for everything and everyone else.

So here we are making baking soda decorations (super duper easy)! Can't wait for them to dry so we can hang them up! 

And yes they are sitting on the table!

Seasons

Seasons.  Just like nature can't work without seasons we too don't thrive without them. As much as I would like to think one could survive without winter we can't. Without a winter you won't get a spring, without a summer you won't get an autumn.  Its a circle, a life circle.

And like we experience in the world around us, we too walk through seasons. Some we like to stroll on through at a leisurely pace, some we wish we could sprint through. We have to leave one to experience the next. And sometimes it creates a vacuum of emotions. Some precious people around me are currently walking in one season and into the other and my heart is with them.

A friend is celebrating her baby girls first birthday today, in replying to my text today she said she was feeling very emotional. I think most mothers experience (well I would like to think that most mothers do) that crazy myriad of emotions of marking your wee ones first birthday. I know its something that I felt with each and every baby's of mine as they turned one! The reflection of their birth, the grieving and sadness of the end of baby-hood, celebration of making it through the first year and the excitement, anticipation of the years to come.  A strange but good day!

Another dear friend has a daughter getting married today.  She is saying goodbye to one season and hello to the next. This day again, is a day of mixed emotions as the sweet girl she brought into this world and nurtured until this day is leaving the 'nest' and is being joined together with her true love. This is something I have yet to experience as none of my children are old enough yet but I can tell you now just the thought of that brings tears to my eyes. I just want to hug my children close.

Another beautiful friend has left her comfort zone and has stepped into a whole new and foreign (albeit God appointed) world where she is in the process of finding her feet and discovering where and how she fits. She is doing so awesome!

Another dear couple is coming to the end of a season unsure of what the next one will hold or what it even looks like right now but are opening themselves to whatever God has for them. What a faith step!

Its beautiful thing to watch the seasons change for they each come with struggles unique to them but they are filled with such beauty and deep growth.  You might just need to look a little harder at times.

God has gifted us the ability to feel feelings.  For if we did not feel we wouldn't be alive, we wouldn't be living.  Each feeling is a precious gift. If we did not allow ourselves to feel deep sadness and hurt we wouldn't fully appreciate the feeling of immense joy and happiness.  If we didn't experience joy and happiness we wouldn't have anything to get us through the dark sad times.

   There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven-- 2A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. 3A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up.…A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. 5A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.…A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away. 7A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak.A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak. 8A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace. - Ecclesiastes 3:9

I liken the seasons that we walk through to birth. (Just because I am a self-confessed birth nerd.)
The pain, intensity and surrendering of ones control (however that happens for you) is necessary to experience the intense and pure joy of holding your sweet bundle of squishy-brand-newness in your arms.

So whatever season of life you find yourself allow yourself to feel whatever emotion and feelings that come your way. 

Look around to where you are right now, is there an opportunity to learn or to grow? Is there someone you can connect with to help you along or perhaps you can help along? 

Are you on the brink of a change of season, wading through the thick winter mud or basking in the summer sun of life?

What Vision Looks Like

This is just part of what our Beautiful Crazy Faith looks like. We are walking out this God breathed, middle of the night vision of seeing every baby born in our community well clothed and cared for and every mother encouraged and supported. We are sharing our lives, our living space and our hearts with this vision. Most of the women that Loving Arms help do not have pretty stories to tell but stories of struggle, poverty, abandonment and often violence. God loves these women immensely our job is to meet them where they are, meet their needs and LOVE them until they ask why. That is all. No strings attached. Check us out here.

Our children are seeing this journey and hearing some of the stories. They are living this with us. I thank God for that. What a privilege!‪

Check out Loving Arms and kept up with what we are doing by giving us a 'like' on Facebook!!

Did you know you can follow Beautiful Crazy Faith on instagram? Its cool! I never know what my day is going to throw at me, but I aim to share the normal and the crazy bits with you all!

#sharnibudd77

#‎beautifulcrazyfaith‬ ‪#‎Godgivenvision‬ ‪#‎walkingoutourfaith‬

When the World Turns Ugly

What is one to do? I mean really, what are we to do? In the light of the ugly and tragic events in Paris and in other places throughout the world like Lebanon and Syria...what are we on the other side of the world, to do?  I don't know about you but I feel helpless, scared and sad. Tears come easily for the dead, the injured and all the hurting people effected by these terrible acts.

Yep we live in dark days.  It not just across the seas that terrible acts are being committed, one only needs to look out there front door into their own community to see ugly acts of violence and oppression. Our countries children are being beaten and killed by the people that are suppose to be loving and protecting them the most. Terror reigns in our schools in the form of bullying both in the physical and in the cyber-world. Yep we live in dark dark days.

Its easy to feel overwhelmed and scared. Its a normal response to get angry and rant or wish that justice would be served on these people committing these horrific acts both over there and at home. We see the worlds leaders planning or declaring war on the perpetrators and their countries.  "Just nuke the @#$&* out of them" is a popular statement being passed around.  But is that really the answer?

Its also easy to feel so helpless and so disillusioned with mankind and the world that we live in that we think "whats the point?"   To see our lives we live with the highs and lows we experience as insignificant and meaningless. "Why am I bothering to learn about the digestive system when people are bombing innocent lives?" is one question I read from a social media post. Another was "we seem to be on the brink of WWIII yet its kind of surreal and stupid that I am eating my cornflakes like nothing has even happened".

Its also easy to disengage from the people around us, from our community, to think of only ourselves and to view others with distrust and judgement. We begin to isolate ourselves and our families, thinking of ourselves better than those around us. We can look down on on anyone different from us because we just don't know about them.  The world is a dangerous place therefore they must be dangerous so I'll keep to myself and you stay over there. We then start to turn a blind eye and a blind ear to clear wrong doing against the young and the helpless, for fear of our own safety and that of our family. We will avoid streets, shops and schools out of fear, which in turns separates us even more causing more distrust and more dislike and in turn can lead to hatred.

But only if we understood. In these dark days its not too late for us, yes us, me and you, to make a difference. We can do much more than tint our profile pics red,blue and white or use "pray for Paris" hashtags ( not that these are bad things)  Sure we can't stop the terror bombings, world hunger, and mass killing as individuals but collectively we can make a difference and its not all that hard. The answer is love. L.O.V.E. Yes that's right a great big heart shaped heart! Now is not the time for us to remain scared and angry, or to be disillusioned nor is it time to harbor hatred and distrust. We won't be changing the world by judging and preaching at them the error of there ways. No, now is the time to connect in LOVE.  Oh I understand how hard that maybe for some. But go on love, even if its just a little bit.  Your spouse,  your kids,  your family,  your neighbors, (yep even the ones who live differently to you)  your workmates,  your class mates,  the lady that sits behind you in the bus,  the man who makes your coffee,  everyone that comes across your path in a day! Ok so it maybe a little awkward if you go around spreading love in the form of hugging everyone but how just be kind, smile, help, chat, encourage, befriend, meet a need, sweep a floor, wash a car, pull a weed, pay for a coffee or a trolley full of groceries.  The possibilities are endless when it comes to filling the world with such kindness AND if everyone was just that bit more kinder and more loving then as cheesey and cliche it might be....THAT right there will help make the world a better place.

God left us with some beautiful wisdom in how we are to live our lives, to make a difference in the world we live in. Perhaps its time to listen and act?

And He said to him, "'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.' 38"This is the great and foremost commandment. 39"The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.'…                                                                                                                                -  Matthew 22:38-39

We cannot expect to change the world with condemnation, judgement and hatred but with kindness, understanding, connection and love we may just be able to start. xx

How are you feeling in light of the horrific events occurring in the world? Have they change the way you see to live your life? Have you received some unexpected kindness this week? 

Care to pay-it-forward? I dare you!

Reflection

You know one should not read junk mail. Especially junk mail that is advertising luxury cruises to exotic destinations or high end real estate. Especially when one is feeling more than a little jaded, feeling reflective, sitting in the midst of crumbs and spilt soggy breakfast cereal  and eating peanut butter on cheap toasted bread and drinking tea that's gone cold . Seriously just don't. I promise you it will leave you feeling well....like " how the hell did I get here" or "yay, my life".   Junk mail like that is designed to make the reader (which was me this morning) feel less than grand, less than successful, less than.... well just less.  That's the point of it. They make you feel like life would be grand if you holidayed here and lived there instead of where you are right now...sitting drinking cold tea and trying not to plonk your elbows in soggy cereal.  So just don't do that to yourself.

Brand new.

Our baby turned one this past week and for me such a milestone ALWAYS makes me even more reflective than normal.  I spent time thinking about my pregnancy, her entrance into the world, the people that were around at the time, the baby-moon period, all her firsts throughout the year and mostly how she is very nearly not a baby anymore and that time is flying by all too fast.  I will admit, I am in mourning. Mourning for the time that has gone too fast, for my chubby wee baby girl who is coming to the end of her baby-hood and is on the brink of toddler-hood as she gingerly stands and walks with wobbly-ness but is oh so proud of herself.   I know some would be ecstatic about that, high-fiving everyone around them, over the moon to be out of that stage. I am not one of those people and that's ok. I am me.  I know I feel feelings very strongly that they physically hurt. I will miss her. But even though it hurts and is sad, it is good.   Its good that she is growing, exploring, learning whats in her world, touching nature and developing her own personality. So to wish that she would stop and to remain the same is wrong. I want the world for her, I want her to experience it, to learn in it and to grow in it.  That is my saving grace, my excitement. I will marvel at her as she does and I will be ok.

One year old

So during this time of reflecting I am here thinking about where we are right now, right at this moment, today. It is good. It is very good.  If you took a single snap shot of us right now could I even be bold enough to say that some may even envy us. Yes we don't have money, yes we are living in a rented 100 year old rambling farm house that is cold and draughty in winter, we don't have the latest and greatest of gadgets, the chainsaw doesn't work, some of us need shoes, our coffee cups are chipped, the floor boards are squeaky, the dishwasher leaks when it feels like it, the guttering has made their own down-pipes over the years, we have flies in summer, the carpet is wearing from having too much sun, and birds have houses and had babies in the roof.  But what we do have is outweighs all of that so many times over. We do have a house that we LOVE (warts and all), a beautiful section, a stunning view, seven beautiful children whom we get to walk through the various stages of their lives with, food in the cupboards, gorgeous, encouraging and supportive family and friends. Time to spend as a family as we seek "where to from here". My children have the luxury of time to experience their world at their own pace, exploring and investing into what ignites their passion for learning and life.  They have been given the gift of relationship with each other. I still marvel at the closeness and thoughtfulness of my older children with their baby brother or sisters. AND we have a God who truly loves us and truly cares, who we can call upon and he is there, wherever and whenever. We are living a truly blessed and privileged life.

View from our deck.

I think that is contentment, don't you? They feeling of living blessed and privileged right where you are right now.  Not worrying about tomorrow or wishing for yesteryear. Not wanting to hurry up your circumstances or your days as they do go by fast. Too fast.

I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. 13I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.…Philippians:12-13 

Salad anyone? 

So my little girl is not really a baby anymore BUT she is growing up and growing up well. I can do this. I am thankful I have been with her nearly every single moment of her life. Like all the others she will slowly becoming more independent, that means I am doing my job and doing it well. Go me!

How are you feeling today? Whats one thing you are thankful for? 

What are you reflecting on? Where would you like to holiday to? 

Tell me.....

The Boil of Emotions

Today I cried. I stood at the kitchen sink and looked out my window and cried. My chest was tight, my breathing shallow and the tears flowed. No one had died (thank goodness). The straw that broke the camels back was......wait for it...dirty kitchen windows! The horror.  With a reaction like that one could be forgiven for thinking that they suddenly became dirty from some kind of kitchen disaster or an indoor mud-slinging match (likely to happen around here) but no they have been dirty for a while....a long while.  But for some reason today they screamed at me AHHHHHH I AM DIRTY and YOU HAVEN'T CLEANED ME and the biggest one of all FAILURE! You all should know by now that housework isn't my favourite thing to do and if there is something else to do that's more fun or more pressing like chatting with friends then I'll do that instead.

So  there I was the world threatening to close in on me, standing at the kitchen sink, tears flowing, thinking about all I had to do, the state of my house, the state of the world, the cakes I had to make, the birthday party I had to plan and pull off, the washing I had to wash, hang, get in, fold and put away, the people I needed to contact, the things I needed to sort out, the christmas presents I had to buy, the christmas crafts I needed to make, the rooms I needed to clean AND my dirty kitchen windows! My big boil of emotions had finally burst and it was dirty kitchens windows that did it.

I don't know about you, but my kids are pretty used to seeing me cry for one reason or another. They see me cry and yell "Daaaad Mums crying again!"  I cry over everything, sad stuff, happy stuff, funny stuff, beautiful stuff and anything where the underdog wins and where David defeats Goliath . Oh and I cry at parades too! (apparently that's not so normal)

Jamie, my husband is pretty good and is pretty used to me crying, so he just sat on my bed and listened to me spill out everything that was in my head, everything that needed to come out and probably then some. After I had finished he sits, gives me a cuddle and says "Sorry you feel all that...you don't need to do it all at once.  Then he leaves me for some space and commands the kids NOT to go anywhere near me....Ahhh bless him.  In that time I cleaned my room with the "help" of Jesse and once I had finished I felt so much better....ready to take on the world again. Yep just like that!

Its like everything had built up inside me and the only way for me to feel any better was for all that stuff, (like poison) to come out. Like a boil.  We women folk are like that, I know I am not alone here. We all need a good meltdown from time to time. A time where we get pushed a little too far and then we cry and then we feel better. Perhaps we all should cry earlier or more! I know we aren't suppose to be doing it all, we can't do it all, we don't expect others to do it all so why do we not give ourselves the same grace and ease up on ourselves??  I don't know, do you??

Truth is I don't have it altogether, far from it, far far far far from it.  I'll let you in on a little secret ok.....shhhh come closer.... I don't know what I am doing, in actual fact I have no idea and I am even a little scared. I don't know how this is going to turn out anymore. I am living today, tomorrow maybe even a little into next week and that's about it.  The thing about believing and trusting in God is that I have hope, a hope that God will use ALL of this and make it into something beautiful. That is the promise that I hold on to every single day!

This is what the LORD says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. 11For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. 14I will be found by you,” says the LORD. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”                                                                                                                            Jeremiah 29:10-14 NLT

Post dinner dishes!

PS. When I eventually came out of my room I was reduced to tears AGAIN because Jamie had cleaned my kitchen windows! I love him so much!

Do you know what you are doing?  What gets you through the day to day grind? Do you ever explode?  Are you a "cry-er"??

Operation Groceries

I know many of you will be able to relate to me when I say that I HATE grocery shopping. Yes 'hate' is a very strong word but I use it because I actually HATE grocery shopping. If I could avoid it then I would. Which is why I was more than willing to hand over that task to my husband the moment he started studying because he had the time and actually liked the task. Once upon a time, pre-children I used to enjoy it.  When I had the luxury of time to meander down the aisle, carefully selecting the best looking fruit and vegetable, reading the backs of packets and ferreting out products that I thought would be nice to try.  Back then we had the time and the money to do so.

Not so much now.  Fifteen years, seven children and half the income later trips to the grocery shop has the precision of a well executed military maneuver.  Operation Groceries!!  Hence why I hate it. Like I said earlier its something I willingly let my husband do, but for the last couple of weeks he has been unable to go for us for one reason or another so its been up to me.

The thing with home-schooling is that well the kids are always with me, (I do like that) but at the supermarket well it has the potential to become a disaster story, very fast, with no warning.  However the kids are ALWAYS excited to go shopping. Not only do I have at least have the majority of the kids with me but our shopping lists are organised detailed lists with opt-off options. Opt-off options are things that we can do without if it looks as though the trolley is getting a little too on the expensive side.

Like many of you I have horror stories of shopping with young kids.  Like the time two of my kids bit chunks out of a number of deli cheeses!. Or the time one threw a tantrum and lay on the floor in the middle of the aisle or the time my milk bottle leaked all through the shop and I left a trail leading right to the the checkout or  the time I left Jesse in the pram in the meat department while I carried on shopping with the trolley through a couple of aisle before I realised I was missing the baby or the time my card declined at the check out or the time with I inadvertently bought a number of pottles of liquid chicken stock and mickey mouse plasters after my kids had a competition with each other to see if they could sneak things into the trolley without me noticing.  What was I to do with multiple pottles of chicken stock?  And why chicken stock? They could of made it decent like bars of chocolate! But lately do I dare say that shopping has been almost almost pleasant????? I know! I don't know if I should be saying that out loud.

However almost pleasant shopping was last week, it was not without a horror story of its own.  One that left me racing through the rest of my shopping at an almost illegal pace just to get away from a fellow shopper.  Jesse had decided to be particularly cute and be super excited and point out all the different things he could see. He is nearly three you see and that's what three years do!  Look mama a tractor! Look mama a red car!  You know what I mean.  After turning into the cereal aisle we passed by a lady that was um of larger proportions than your normal everyday lady and she was wearing a very short skirt. Jesse proceeded to bring to my attention "Look Mama - giants legs!"  *gasp in horror* Needless to say I hurried out of the aisle and through the rest of the shopping. I didn't wait to see if she had heard or not, I was too embarrassed.  Perhaps I should of apologised. What could I say though....he is only nearly three!  *sigh! See even the seemingly pleasant shop can be a little traumatic.

Fortunately that was the only incident and I didn't have to use the opt-off options this time. So it was lollipops all round! Yes. Yes I bribe them with lollipops! (last week it was donuts).  And I bribed myself with a sneaky chocolate bar (last week it was a chocolate french pastry- shhhhhh)  I actually did sneak it on to the conveyor belt when they weren't look and ate it while was packing the groceries into the car. You have to do these things when you have young kids that sniff out any amount of seemingly unfairness and chocolate!

Pretty safe to say that Operation Groceries was a mission accomplished with only minimal casualties of war!

                                       

 

But I did have the greatest checkout helpers around. I didn't have to lift a finger!

Do you enjoy or hate grocery shopping?  Do you have to watch your weekly spend and have opt-off options?Do you have horror stories of shopping with kiddies? Have you ever left a child somewhere? Care to share? 

Weekly photo drop.

 

1. The girls have been busy drawing "Family Wood" - people drawn on blocks of wood!  In hopes to sell them at the gate.

2.This is the kind of things that I find in the washing hamper. Cups!

3. Life learning.  Five kittens born in the lounge.

4. Water play and "pooh sticks" at the park

5. Water play at the park. Someone thinks she can climb before she can walk.

6.Brother and sister love.  Decidedly cute photo opportunity involving cats.

Beautiful Crazy

Apparently I am fascinating.  How about that! Really? I always ask. I don't see how or why because I really am normal...well actually I am probably more abnormal because I am pretty sure I do some really weird stuff that no one else does...things like ummmm  smelling books. Does anyone else smell books? Does anyone else reheat their coffee at least 7 times before they actually get to drink it all? Or lose cups of tea around the house because you are never still. My husband tells me I use words that belong in the dark depths of the dictionary in everyday conversations. I miss characters in the books that I finish reading and wonder what they might be doing. I absolutely HAVE to have a glass of water bedside before I can go to sleep at night, its like my security blanket. And I watch people, I LOVE watching people. See I am so weird.

So perhaps I am weirdly abnormal normal.  Maybe that's why I (and my family) are apparently fascinating.

So you may or may not have noticed that my blog has had a bit of a revamp, a change of direction.  I did change the name not because life isn't lovely anymore because it is, but I feel like we are in a different space and new chapter now.  Living Life Lovely (for me) was a time when life was simple, lovely, neat, contained and nice.  A time when life reflected my faith. Nice, neat and tidy. A cookie-cutter faith. It wasn't a bad time but it wasn't deep, it was well.... just lovely.

Looking back we thought we were blessed and doing life right. Loving our kids, loving each other, attending church every week, paying our tithe, smiling and doing all the right things. A just lovely faith, a Sunday faith.

But during that time of Living Life Lovely, somewhere along the way we prayed a prayer of wanting to be used by God, to live a life of faith, a fearless faith. A word to the wise here...God will take you up of that offer and maybe like us it will be through something that will knock you out of the park!

A job loss, a sickness, an injury or a financial hardship, something but what ever it will be it will take your breath away. BUT it is a good thing, it will be a good thing. I promise. And more importantly God promises! And you know what he NEVER breaks his promise.

Ours came through a sudden job loss. I don't  how I got through those first few days and weeks, months but fast forward four years and here we are....living a life, a life of a Beautiful Crazy Faith.

Now life is messy, chaotic, unpredictable, crazy, and unknown BUT its also beautiful, miraculous, faith-filled, amazing, emotional, well...its just the best. Its a life that has given us a wild ride on the lowest of lows and the highest of highs (and no we aren't on drugs). We wouldn't go back. We don't want to go back. Its our Beautiful Crazy Faith!

We are a large family of seven kiddies, a dad and a mum, three cats and four ducks. We home-school. We have a messy linen cupboard, a dishwasher that doesn't wash dishes well. I constantly have washing to fold, sometimes 3-4 days worth. I am certainly not the best housekeeper. I get distracted way too easy. We love, we help, we assist, we encourage and we pray whenever, however and wherever we can.  We have been living on very minimal income for four years now and we are still here. We have our own dreams, visions and promises for our future. So we are on a faith journey, doing what God has called us to do.  Will you join us?

4+ days of washing!

You won't find any tips on organisation a household or family here because I am essentially crap at it. Its "by wing and a prayer" around here!  I don't have any great talent for crafting and art. Nor do I have a fail proof plan for raising children because in my opinion there is none. Love, respect, kindness, fun and food...lots of food. Couple that with large amounts of coffee and copious amounts prayer!!

Seven totally rocking kids!

So there you have it...I want to take you along on our beautiful crazy faith journey.  Join us.

"Then Christ will make his home in your heart as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong......Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."  Eph 3:17, 20 

In His waiting room.

I have been wanting to put pen back to paper for a while now and get back into writing but it has never felt like it was the right time and what I wanted to say was the right thing.  Its true, everyone knows I have plenty of things to say but when it came down to publishing it just didn't seem right.  But really I am thinking that I had no words, no words to say what I really wanted to say because its been too hard and to painful.

I have titled this post "In His Waiting Room" because for now that is exactly where we are, in Gods waiting room. Waiting waiting waiting.  Did you know that waiting is excessively hard?  It has really brought out the worst in me, perhaps that is the point? *groan.  Jamie and I were discussing the theme of this post yesterday and he said there was a future message in this but for now I am going to 'borrow' said message and write about it.  Perhaps one day you will get to hear him preach this message.

Check out this ad

Thanks Mainland.   There is nothing that could illustrate exactly where we are or how I am feeling than that advert right there.   Believe me I have paced His waiting room a hundred times, a thousand maybe even ten thousand.  I have sighed, groaned, huffed and puffed, crossed my legs, uncrossed my legs, rustled newspaper as loudly as I can to try to get some attention because I feel like we have been forgotten and to let Him know that I am not at least a bit impressed in having to be kept waiting. To be really honest, I have cried, stomped my feet and maybe even thrown a tantrum or two. See I told you that it has brought out the worst in me.  Every time I get impatient and throw a little hissy fit I come back out the other side and come back to Him and say "Its OK Lord.  I know you have this all under control". And I am OK again.

 Things are tough. Real tough.  I am not just saying that to invoke sympathy or charity but I am saying because it is.  This is our reality.   I said at the end of last year that 2014 had been our hardest year yet and that I was looking forward to what 2015 had for us.  Maybe this year I should keep my mouth shut.  Because to date 2015 has been insanely hard.  I know that God has a great plan for us. I believe it because its true.  I would really really like to know just what it is...God *nudge nudge wink wink!   We started this year with gears in motion to be doing one thing only for the course to be change because it obviously not God's best for us.  We have to be OK with that.  So here we are waiting waiting and waiting.....

Every parent knows that our kids don't like to hear the word 'wait'.  Every parent knows that it can invoke some of the strongest feelings and emotions from our small children and mutters and eye rolls from our teenagers.   But like when we say wait, God to says 'wait' to us, for our own good and for a jolly good reason.  The word 'wait' is used to teach us 'patience'.  I hear you all GROAN when you read that word.  No one likes that particular word.  Patience is being able to wait calmly, even through hard times and boring times.  Note the word calmly...no foot stamping and tantrum throwing mentioned there.

You know when God is trying to say something to you when everywhere you go, everything you read and everything you watch is saying the same thing to you.  Lately its been part of James 1:2-3...
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face many trial (hard times) of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance (patience).

So this season of hard times....this really really really long season of hard and at times darkness has tested us, tested us in places and with ways we never thought possible.   Seemingly simple things have turned like crazy mental in order for us to keep coming back to Him and saying "Yes" to our God, and even though He is saying wait we will  keep living for Him, keep trusting in Him"

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" - Ps 27:14

So as Jamie and I (and the kids) wait patiently for God to move and to show us our next step, our 'where to next', we are here wondering, planning and at times just plain surviving.  We know what God has promised to us, what dreams and desires he has given us and that is what we can keep coming back to, that and His ever faithful Word.

I Never Want to Forget

My apologies...its long...

Many of you know me, many of you don't and those that have been following my blogs over time will know that our lives were tipped upside down over three years ago when Jamie lost his job suddenly.  As you can imagine it was a time of broken-ness, frustration and worry and stress.  I didn't think we would last six weeks let alone three and a half years.  From time to time I have touched on our journey and wrote about how I was feeling, what was happening in family and what God was doing in our lives and through us.  God has never before been so evident and tangible to us personally, as a couple and as a family as he has in this time.

Here we are three and half years later, our world still shaking as we await Jamie's hip replacement and six to eight weeks of recuperation after it.  Then well......... its a blank space baby.  Do you know how that feels perhaps?  Its all very well to make plans of what is to happen next, to have an idea of where to from here but what happens when you are relying totally on God as we have done this entire time, to come up blank?  Its like the bottom has fallen out of time.

Its hard for people to understand this, to understand the journey that we are on, if they aren't believers or maybe haven't been at a time where they have had to or wanted to, put all their entire lives and trust in God. Its so hard.  I can understand why they would think we were nuts, think maybe we are being irresponsible or perhaps even lazy.  I can understand the frustration they might feel towards us. "How can you live like that?"  Its something that I have heard many a times.  I can live like this because its what we are called to do at this time.  Its not easy of course it isn't.  But my faith and trust in Him, my love for Him is strong and is real.

I don't want to ever forget this time. Ever. Period. I don't want to ever forget what it was like to lose a very very good income in a matter of hours. I don't want to ever forget what it was like to watch your husband be turned down for jobs time after time after time. I don't want to ever forget having to tell you children that from now on there is no pocket money, no treats, no new clothes or toys.  I don't want to forget what its like to lie in bed and try to work out how you will pay the power bill due the next day, to see your pantry supplies dwindle away without the means to replace them, to rummage through your freezer for meat for dinner and come up empty. I don't want to forget what its like to have 39c in your bank account or to have your card decline at the supermarket or to have to transfer money out of your kids account just so you can put ten dollars of petrol into your car. I don't want to forget the feeling of not being able to buy loved ones birthday presents. I don't want to forget what its like to have to ask to borrow some money to help pay for rent or to get a tooth fixed.  I don't want to ever forget what it was like to be receiving a food parcel from the community food-bank. A feeling of most intense gratefulness but of embarrassment all at the same time all the while seeing the glory that is of our God at his perfect timing. We learnt a big lesson in humility that day. I just don't want to forget.  We have always been very reluctant to ask for help as we figure that God knows all our needs and our hope is in him but there have been times where I think the lesson has been in humilty of having to ask for certain help.  I tell you it really really does suck!

Because if I forget then that means I would have to forget the miracles of God, the seeing of how God does provide and how it felt when he blesses you above and beyond your expectations. The feeling of seeing my husband studying something he is passionate about and preach Gods word for the first time.  The feeling of pride at seeing him graduate a straight A student.  The feeling of gratitude and amazement when you get given clothes for your kids of things they so desperately need.  The feeling of seeing God bless your son with a new bike days after he has poured his heart out asking God for one. The absolute gratitude when family and friends gift money unknowingly at just the right time so you can buy food or pay the power bill or put petrol in the car. The absolute thankfulness when someone provides you weekly with a fruit and vege box knowing that on some night fruit and veges is whats on the menu for dinner.  The feeling of knowing that family and friends have your back and are praying for you, understand where you are, support you where they can, lend a listening ear and share wise and encouraging words.  I don't want to ever forget.

I know you can essentially say that we have chosen this for ourselves and I suppose we have.  Yes we have chosen this, we have chosen to be and remain obedient to God and to follow the path that he has us on.  Yes it isn't normal for a family of 9 to be willingly on this journey I know this.  Don't you think I know this!  Sometime I don't want to be different because sometimes its get just hard, too hard and tears come, tired angry tears.  Tears of frustration, of "how long will this go on for" tears, "I can't do this anymore" tears or even "Come on seriously God?" tears!!

And here we are now...for us we are standing at the edge of our Red Sea, with the army of Egyptians crowding around us from all sides and are pressing in.  Our toes are about to get wet as the sea laps up onto the shore. All we see in front of us is a vast mighty ocean and the wind is whipping at our clothes and hair as we stand in wait. God has to move mightily He WILL move mightily. The sea we see before WILL part and we WILL walk through it dry and unharmed. In time, all in His time, His perfect timing. We will come through this victorious and righteous!!  Amen!! We just don't know what our other side looks like yet.

13 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will seethe deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

21 Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the Lorddrove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, 22 and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground,with a wall of water on their right and on their left.
                                             - Exodus 14 :13-22

Some of you may say....."if God was real and in this "where is he? or why doesn't he make things better for you?" Well he could, in an instant.  But what would we have learnt?  We wouldn't have seen all the miracles we have, we wouldn't have grown in ourselves, we wouldn't of learnt more of Him, we wouldn't of felt the love of our family and friends. I know we wouldn't have the heart for the lost, the poor and the needy that we now do.  He wouldn't be able to use us like he has and we would be unequipped to really connect, help and share the love of Christ with those who are where we are now.   Its one thing to say your faith is real and strong when you haven't suffered. Its easier to say that you believe when things have been rosy for you. I know we were there once.  Believing that God was happy and pleased with us because our lives were blessed. That he loved us because we were reasonably well off and were living in the "land of milk and honey".  But God wanted more from us, more faith, more trust and more obedience and over these past few years we have done our best to deliver.  We are not perfect. We get mad, lose faith, doubt Gods word (even though we have see him come through time and time again), we even believe that we are entitled to more. But God doesn't owe us anything.  Jesus is enough.

So do not fear, for I am with you;

    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

- Isaiah 41:10

Long time.... no see!

I think I am there...nearly ready to start writing again.  Did you miss me? I missed writing but I had come to a screeching halt and to a time when I had nothing, nothing left to give you, nothing to put down on paper to share from my heart to yours.

Meanwhile during that time...a certain sweet girl was born.

Frankie Rose Budd

0055am

5 November 2014

10lb

Our sweet girl decided that she would have her own unique story to tell about her birth and waited until over two weeks after her due date to be born into the world.  A friend shared with me that she felt that this birth was going to be different to my others, different but good and it was.  Frankie made her arrival earthside in hospital rather than at home, something that I am 150% OK with. She is hugely loved by her all her siblings. Perhaps a little too intensely buy a certain two year old big brother who has found that she makes an extra soft cushion.

Frankie (4 1/2months)

I am thinking of changing direction in my writing, more personal, more real, more faith, more messy...because that's real life isn't it well that's my life anyway. I hope that is OK with you. I may even change the name.  For now I'll leave you with the latest family photo I have.....I know its time for a new one too. Talk soon, Sharni xxx