Friendship

Ok so you all know that I have learnt a lot over the past 16months or so. A lot about myself, about my family and friends and about my God.  This journey that we are on still continues to surprise me, stretch me and shove me rudely out of my comfort zone.  I am learning to be ever so flexible and that's cool.  No longer do I have a 'tidy' life (ha did I ever), no my life is ever-changing and highly unpredictable and you know what I am beginning to like it.

 

Slowly slowly I am beginning to find my groove, my place, my role in all this changing. I know I need to go easy on myself and recognise the fact that what we are doing is mostly seen by 'the untrained eye' as something impossible.  You know just living on a Student Allowance with six kids and home schooling, you know that kind of stuff.  We have very little idea about what next week will bring, but that's OK. Its all part of the adventure.  However just so you know, it still freaks me out from time to time when I see a need and have no idea how we are going to meet it. It scares me silly.  I am getting good at faking it, you know where you put on a fake happy face and say all is well.  There is a time for that.  Like when you have two girls whose birthdays are coming up and seemingly no way to buy presents for those special little people in your life.  But birthdays they did have, with presents, cake and a celebratory afternoon tea even!  AND we are no worse for wear because of it and my children are none the wiser.   We do share some things with them but I don't think it would be wise to share all our struggles.





One thing that I have learnt during this time is the power of friendship, REAL friendship, REAL relationships.  Oh they are just so important and powerful.  Throughout my life I have struggled with friendships especially when I was school age. I don' t know why I just did. I would have friends one day and then the next day they wouldn't like me anymore. I think this left scars on my heart more than I would care to admit until recently.  I know I guarded my heart for a long long time much to the detriment of myself.  I found myself sharing my life only 'oh so much' and then bang up went a wall, no one would get any further.  Fortunately over recent years that has changed and I have come to realise that there are women out there that genuinely care and love me.  Those women are my closest friends and I love them dearly.  Those are the women that I can share my heart, ALL of my heart and know there will be no judgment or no jealousy - (both very ugly traits in women).  Those are the women that I call on to 'download' to, share my fears and my joys with, and would be here in a moment if I needed them to be.  Friendships cannot thrive on competition, superficial-ness, judgement and jealousy. But on love, honesty, encouragement, loyalty and kindness. Thank God that I am free now to be able to enjoy such friendships.  The beginning of last year I miscarried a wee baby (bitter sweet now of course - because we have been blessed with wee Jesse). During that time my heart physically hurt though I got through that time due to my faith in God, sharing my heart with a couple of close friends helped in ways that I never thought possible.  They cried with me, held me and listened through all my raw and powerful emotions - really enough to scare anyone away, far far away.  

 

Real friends are super encouraging and genuinely pleased for you when some thing good and exciting happens for you.  Real friends don't care if you have crumbs on your bench tops and dead flies on the windowsills (a reality in my world). Real friends won't ask if you need help, they just help un-asked and won't take no for an answer when you protest. Real friends don't freak out when you cry the 'ugly cry' (you know the one where you are sobbing so hard you can't talk, have snot pouring out your nose and your mascara is dripping down your face). Real friends will have your back in the midst of adversity, not run a mile because it gets too hard for a while. Real friends will make you feel invigorated and alive after spending time with them, they will change your outlook, give you energy and inspire you. Real friends just know when and how to listen. Real friends are like putting on comfy PJs and bed socks after being in tight jeans and high heels for a whole day - familiar, welcoming and easy. Most importantly they will be happy that you are you, and want to see you live your best life!

(I don't actually wear tight jeans and high heels but I know you catch my drift)

Photo by Kaysha Leigh Budd

 

It such a cliché but life is too short to waste on pursuing unhealthy friendships.  Not only are they a hindrance to you living your best life but they really do suck the life out of you and leave you feeling frustrated, flat, negative and apathetic. 

 

Kelle Hampton of 'Enjoying the Small Things' fame and author of the book

Bloom

 (a must read if you ever get the chance)

talks about her 'net', that is a net of real friends that catch you when you need it and prop you up and continue to do so until you can stand by yourself again.  My so called 'net' isn't big and certainly not as big as hers but its my 'net' of friends who truly have my heart and I love them for it. 
I don't even need to tell these people who they are, they already know.
I am blessed, truly blessed.