Say Yes

Our world is chaotic and hurting right now. Viruses, wars and fires can make anyone feel helpless and lost. 

When the harshness of this world creeps around seeking to derail we must become softer, gentler, love fiercely, nurture more, be kinder and step lightly with more grace and mercy. Smile with your eyes. 

Notice tiny flecks of beauty as you go. The dapple of early morning sunlight through the trees. The conversations of the birds in the trees. The first flowers of spring. The cool dampness of the grass under your feet, the crunch of gravel as cars slows at intersections. The butter yellow flower that has grown through the cracks in the concrete. The warm later winter sun soothing away woes. 

Bring yourself fully to where you are right now and invite God to join you. Tell Him your secrets, your dreams.... your worries. He wants to know. Pray for those who you love and those you don't.

Create. Bake. Read. Cook. Sew. Paint. Sing. Dance. Say yes. 

Be soft to be strong. Don't let the harshness and uncertainty of these times steal anymore from you. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10 v10

God's Word

The Word. God speaks to us through His Word. A place for me to find truth, comfort, discipline and healing. 

I haven't felt like writing much over the last wee while.... I've needed the space to heal and to be and healing didn't need to be public. Truth be told.... I've been grieving. While God clearly told us that we would be moving on from our church for over 15 years....to look at church in a totally different light and serving our community and wider body of believers, not just one particular place. I still grieved and have been working through the trauma that I've been carrying around with me for the past few years. Leaving a church is like leaving your family. You lose the community that we once were so invested in. You lose connections and friendships. It's especially hard when people don't understand, don't stop to ask why or turn their back on you because they are hurt you've left.

Church hurt is a real thing....and its brutal. If we were to be honest, I'm sure anyone who belongs to a church has experienced it to some degree and maybe even caused it to some degree.... just like family. It's important to understand that it's never God that hurts but imperfect people inside a imperfect institution. It's important to know that God still loves us even though we continually fall short. He never changes. Always is the same.

As I navigate this weird time...my safe place is in His Word. Seeking His face. His Word is my winnowing fork.

"His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor, gathering his wheat into the barn and burning up the chaff with unquenchable fire.” - Matthew 3:12

Sifting through everything I have ever been taught from church leaders by reading His Word, searching for His truth has been an interesting journey.... because knowing His Word and what it says is what matters to me most. 

I continue to love my husband, my family and anyone who comes across my path.... because loving God and loving people is what matters most. This journey has been hard but oh so rewarding as we've had the time and opportunity to meet some beautiful people that if we hadn't left, I highly doubt we would be in relationship with now.

Mumma's Guilt

 Isn't though?? Anyone who tells you differently is lying. 

We feel guilty quite frequently...you name it we feel guilty for it. When we were a home-schooling family, I felt guilty I wasn't earning an income, felt guilty we couldn't give our kids the latest and greatest. Now that I'm a working mum...I still feel guilty. 

To be honest after 18 or so years of being a stay-at-home mum.... getting back into the workforce (into a job I have created) I am struggling. I'm struggling with not being with Charlie at home.... (she's with her dad or me). I feel like I'm failing my children by not being a homemaker. I feel my house is a place to eat and sleep...not a home like it was. I don't have time to bake; I don't have the energy or desire to craft or make.... the washing piles up; dinners are decided at 5pm and my house isa mess. Goodness I can't remember the last time the kitchen floor was mopped. Everything that I consider homely.... I'm struggling with not being able to do like I use to.

Jamie and I are tag teaming it every single day.  I work. He works.  He helps me.  I help him. I know it's the season we are in....and I am thankful that we have a solid relationship with a common goal at the forefront of our minds.  He really is the most hands-on dad, husband.... home dad ever!

I am also thankful that our kids are on this journey with us. They've seen God move in the most miraculous ways.... but seriously if someone could fold my washing and bake biscuits for me, I'd be happy. 

I don't think mum guilt ever goes away...ever! We just have to work through it. But let's keeping talking about with our friends....let's keep each other in check. Because there's nothing worse in doing the mum thing alone!

My Favourites

Every single year I read two books. Under the Tuscan Sun and Bella Tuscany. Both written by Frances Mayes.

Every single time I glean more depth out of these books. A way to travel, my sense of escapism and I get to appreciate the authors mastery if the English language. Peppered throughout with delectable recipes that I can almost taste.... the pop of dark purple grapes, the roasted nuttiness of freshly harvested pine nuts and the heady aroma of basil growing just outside the kitchen door. I can feel the height of the summer Tuscan sun, the rich earthy-ness of the soil and the coolness of the marble bench tops.

They leave me with a yearning to eat, to drink and to enjoy long lunches and dinners late into the night with good friends and friends of friends.

I don't know if it's the way the author writes but life appears slower.... relaxed and laid back. I sense within myself that is exactly what my heart is yearning for.

So, here's me enjoy the Sunday sun on this beautiful winter's day.

What are you up to?

3 Years

3 years! 3 years of nourishing and nuturing her from myself. We did well and It's by far the longest I have ever breastfed any of my babies. Perhaps it was because she was my baby...maybe it was because she was too insistent that we continue....maybe it was because I secretly enjoyed the one on one special time I had with her at night.

But it was time. Time to for my body to belong to myself. Time for my body to rest and recuperate.  Its been through a lot and it needs some tender loving care going forward. 

For weeks we have been talking about when she's three there will be no more. Her milk will all be gone.  I fed her a sneaky day snuggle on her birthday because....well why not. I feed her to sleep and twice throughout the night and when she woke. Cherishing the slowness of those early morning hours. I knew to purposely take stock of this precious time. 

And now we are done. We snuggled last night going to sleep...she held them in her hands and I bored her to sleep with a ocean documentary I was watching.  She woke once, not crying but asking for them on and off for well over an hour. In the end we held hands and she went to sleep. 

When she woke she was quite proud of herself that now she's a big girl. She celebrated with a hashbrown...I celebrated with a store bought coffee! 

Its definitely an end of an era. No more babies, no more breastfeeding. Jamie brought me a necklace when I finished feeding Frankie....cos she was supoose to be our last. But God had other ideas and blessed us with Charlie Grace. I am so blessed to have been able to feed 8 amazing children for a total of 13 years!

So blessed indeed!

Happy Easter

Holidays like Easter and Christmas invoke a sense of nostalgia, a sense of tying one generation to another and me the conduit. Traditions do not need to cost a lot....it's a simple act of putting effort into an activity to create meaning at a particular time. 

Today being Good Friday.... the mood is quiet and reflective.  It calls for a slowing down and turning inward. 

Easter is just as important as Christmas in the Christian faith.... without the events that happened we would forever be separated from God. We would have no hope.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son that whoever believes in Him shall have eternal life" John 3:16

As part of our family traditions, we make "Pa Jakes Famous Easter Muffins" ....and seriously there is NOTHING like having faded and batter splattered handwritten recipes!! We'll eat these along with Hot Cross buns this afternoon!

What does Easter mean for you? How do you celebrate?

Autumn Love

Loving this autumn light! As the sun starts to sit lower in the sky it starts to throw its more cosier more comforting light around. I LOVE that. Hands up who else thinks the sun feels different?

I love me a good slow Sunday afternoon. For me it's a time to read, to think, to enjoy and to be thankful of the good things that God has blessed us with.

Our family, well mainly Jamie but we will be alongside him....is starting a new and exciting chapter. Jamie has taken up a new part-time role as Community Worker for the Presbyterian Church....connecting with our community, doing pastoral care outside of the churches four walls and creating new ways for people to connect with Jesus that doesn't necessarily mean church on a Sunday. For a long time, we have both been challenged by the example that Jesus set before us, who went out into the world, got alongside the people, connected with them, served them, loved them, cared for and ministered to them right where they were.... wherever that was.

I so love how God works.... we left Zion church back in September after we felt called to leave and 'go' and 'serve' our community. It was hard for some to understand. But God knew all along that this opportunity, this role, one that resonates deeply within our hearts was coming to us. We are both amazed yet not. God is orchestrating something beautiful and its exciting...but it takes faith and obedience even if it doesn't make sense at the time.

So, our lives will get all the more interesting from after Easter...but it is good and beautiful. God is good.