Mumma's Guilt

 Isn't though?? Anyone who tells you differently is lying. 

We feel guilty quite frequently...you name it we feel guilty for it. When we were a home-schooling family, I felt guilty I wasn't earning an income, felt guilty we couldn't give our kids the latest and greatest. Now that I'm a working mum...I still feel guilty. 

To be honest after 18 or so years of being a stay-at-home mum.... getting back into the workforce (into a job I have created) I am struggling. I'm struggling with not being with Charlie at home.... (she's with her dad or me). I feel like I'm failing my children by not being a homemaker. I feel my house is a place to eat and sleep...not a home like it was. I don't have time to bake; I don't have the energy or desire to craft or make.... the washing piles up; dinners are decided at 5pm and my house isa mess. Goodness I can't remember the last time the kitchen floor was mopped. Everything that I consider homely.... I'm struggling with not being able to do like I use to.

Jamie and I are tag teaming it every single day.  I work. He works.  He helps me.  I help him. I know it's the season we are in....and I am thankful that we have a solid relationship with a common goal at the forefront of our minds.  He really is the most hands-on dad, husband.... home dad ever!

I am also thankful that our kids are on this journey with us. They've seen God move in the most miraculous ways.... but seriously if someone could fold my washing and bake biscuits for me, I'd be happy. 

I don't think mum guilt ever goes away...ever! We just have to work through it. But let's keeping talking about with our friends....let's keep each other in check. Because there's nothing worse in doing the mum thing alone!

My Favourites

Every single year I read two books. Under the Tuscan Sun and Bella Tuscany. Both written by Frances Mayes.

Every single time I glean more depth out of these books. A way to travel, my sense of escapism and I get to appreciate the authors mastery if the English language. Peppered throughout with delectable recipes that I can almost taste.... the pop of dark purple grapes, the roasted nuttiness of freshly harvested pine nuts and the heady aroma of basil growing just outside the kitchen door. I can feel the height of the summer Tuscan sun, the rich earthy-ness of the soil and the coolness of the marble bench tops.

They leave me with a yearning to eat, to drink and to enjoy long lunches and dinners late into the night with good friends and friends of friends.

I don't know if it's the way the author writes but life appears slower.... relaxed and laid back. I sense within myself that is exactly what my heart is yearning for.

So, here's me enjoy the Sunday sun on this beautiful winter's day.

What are you up to?

3 Years

3 years! 3 years of nourishing and nuturing her from myself. We did well and It's by far the longest I have ever breastfed any of my babies. Perhaps it was because she was my baby...maybe it was because she was too insistent that we continue....maybe it was because I secretly enjoyed the one on one special time I had with her at night.

But it was time. Time to for my body to belong to myself. Time for my body to rest and recuperate.  Its been through a lot and it needs some tender loving care going forward. 

For weeks we have been talking about when she's three there will be no more. Her milk will all be gone.  I fed her a sneaky day snuggle on her birthday because....well why not. I feed her to sleep and twice throughout the night and when she woke. Cherishing the slowness of those early morning hours. I knew to purposely take stock of this precious time. 

And now we are done. We snuggled last night going to sleep...she held them in her hands and I bored her to sleep with a ocean documentary I was watching.  She woke once, not crying but asking for them on and off for well over an hour. In the end we held hands and she went to sleep. 

When she woke she was quite proud of herself that now she's a big girl. She celebrated with a hashbrown...I celebrated with a store bought coffee! 

Its definitely an end of an era. No more babies, no more breastfeeding. Jamie brought me a necklace when I finished feeding Frankie....cos she was supoose to be our last. But God had other ideas and blessed us with Charlie Grace. I am so blessed to have been able to feed 8 amazing children for a total of 13 years!

So blessed indeed!

Happy Easter

Holidays like Easter and Christmas invoke a sense of nostalgia, a sense of tying one generation to another and me the conduit. Traditions do not need to cost a lot....it's a simple act of putting effort into an activity to create meaning at a particular time. 

Today being Good Friday.... the mood is quiet and reflective.  It calls for a slowing down and turning inward. 

Easter is just as important as Christmas in the Christian faith.... without the events that happened we would forever be separated from God. We would have no hope.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son that whoever believes in Him shall have eternal life" John 3:16

As part of our family traditions, we make "Pa Jakes Famous Easter Muffins" ....and seriously there is NOTHING like having faded and batter splattered handwritten recipes!! We'll eat these along with Hot Cross buns this afternoon!

What does Easter mean for you? How do you celebrate?

Autumn Love

Loving this autumn light! As the sun starts to sit lower in the sky it starts to throw its more cosier more comforting light around. I LOVE that. Hands up who else thinks the sun feels different?

I love me a good slow Sunday afternoon. For me it's a time to read, to think, to enjoy and to be thankful of the good things that God has blessed us with.

Our family, well mainly Jamie but we will be alongside him....is starting a new and exciting chapter. Jamie has taken up a new part-time role as Community Worker for the Presbyterian Church....connecting with our community, doing pastoral care outside of the churches four walls and creating new ways for people to connect with Jesus that doesn't necessarily mean church on a Sunday. For a long time, we have both been challenged by the example that Jesus set before us, who went out into the world, got alongside the people, connected with them, served them, loved them, cared for and ministered to them right where they were.... wherever that was.

I so love how God works.... we left Zion church back in September after we felt called to leave and 'go' and 'serve' our community. It was hard for some to understand. But God knew all along that this opportunity, this role, one that resonates deeply within our hearts was coming to us. We are both amazed yet not. God is orchestrating something beautiful and its exciting...but it takes faith and obedience even if it doesn't make sense at the time.

So, our lives will get all the more interesting from after Easter...but it is good and beautiful. God is good.

Barefoot

Ok don't look too closely at my feet....I have "small hairless hobbit like" feet...BUT thankful they get me from A to B.

Spent some time today barefoot and outside before the heavens opened in drenched the land. My backyard was the closest I could get to nature today. I call it grounding. Grounding helps with all sorts of things.... I've been battling a headache all day and generally feeling anxious. My husband will tell you I'll find things to worry about. Today it's our massively long waiting list Loving Arms has for cots and car seats. It actually hurts that I can't provide safe sleeping spaces and safe travelling spaces for these precious babies. When you see the gap between the haves and the have nots and you hear the stories.... well, my heart hurts.

So, my mission is to collect tools to help me...not feel overwhelmed, not have heart hurts and not to feel anxious. To put better boundaries in place for myself. I'm not a huge fan of the term self-care.... but you catch my drift.

So, I have some friends that will help me with tools, I've booked in a day to spend with my best friend...but any suggestions that YOU'VE found helpful.... send them this way.

A Girl On A Swing

Just a girl on her swing.

She would probably have me push her all day if she I let her. It's her most favorite thing to do!

Today has me thinking about seasons...quite fitting seeing as we are closing the chapter on Summer and opening the chapter on Autumn tomorrow. But the change of seasons has been in the wind for a while now.... the chirping of the crickets, the ripening of the pumpkins and the cool autumn breeze that has been subtly chasing the summer sun in the early morning and as the sun puts itself to bed.

I personally love the changing seasons.... new seasons brings new things to look forward to. Right now, I find myself excited for the cooler nights, the autumn colours and crispness of the air. Each season brings its own high notes....and of course its low notes...all which takes adjustments in how we live life.

As our family embarks on a new (and exciting) season.... there are things that I'm curiously excited for, things that are still hidden.... and things I'm still sad about leaving behind.

But in everything I do know for a fact.... that God himself has brought us to this place, it will be good and it will be for His glory. Jamie and I prayed a prayer long ago...that we were His and we wanted to live our lives doing as He directed us...whatever that may look like. A brave but scary prayer....and one God will most certainly take you up on.

Changing seasons are good, they are essential to growth. Read that again ESSENTIAL! Nothing and no one will grow without change.

Enjoy the last of the summer sun but welcome in the crispness of autumn. It is good.

Xx