Chillax

Couch, Kids in Bed, Wine, Living Alaska

Just taking a moment to chillax before I head off to bed. Trying not to think about my day tomorrow.... Tomorrow, we hold our first workshop day for our new initiative 'Kaiawhina'. I'm both excited and nervous. We have such beautiful ladies on board that are volunteering themselves for this role...I'm absolutely positive they will be such a blessing to our community.

What you may not know 'Kaiawhina' has always been part of the Loving Arms original vision, but it's taken five years for my vision to come to fruition. And now it's here.... teetering on the brink of it being out there for all to see and for some to experience. Can you see why I'm nervous?

My heart longs for every mother to feel valued, feel beautiful, feel seen, feel like the count and matter, feel cared for and feel loved.... especially our precious gorgeous new mamas. Kaiawhina is the beginning for the mamas we'll serve ....to see themselves and feel this way! Because EVERY mother deserves this!

If you're the praying type...please pray for a fantastic day tomorrow.... hopefully I'll remember to take some pics!

Always Watching

 I do hope you hear my heart and how this post was intended to be received.

This guy feigned sickness today.... but seeing as I was flying solo this morning I didn't fight it. And typically, when the kids are sick mama has stuff to do. With an appointment in Cambridge and a bunch of drop off in Hamilton...it was going to be a long, boring day driving around. But with a promise of McDonald's, they happily came along. Let's be honest though we hadn't even left town and they were complaining. After a myriad of stops and waiting in the car we got to my last drop off in a dubious part of town.

Jesse decided he wasn't having a bar of waiting for me, so he got out and claimed he was coming with me. I didn't even get a chance to argue. So, I called over my shoulder to Jayden saying if I wasn't back in ten minutes to call the police (just being honest).

We walked down the long driveway and after asking neighbors we found the right house. A big burly gentleman came out to meet us. I loaded him up with the boxes of baby stuff, made small talk and we left. We were halfway up and Jesse who was quite quiet suddenly said to me "mum you're a good parent"...I was taken back and then I asked why he thought that. He simply said, "because you save babies...all the babies". I actually teared up even though this isn't an accurate interpretation of what I do.

So, here's my point...kids. Kids are always always watching, listening and taking everything in. They know. And I know this thought can be scary.

But even though he feigned sickness and missed a day's 'learning'.... if what he learnt and witness today was service, an unconditional-no-strings-attached, Christ kind of love...then I'm all for it and I'll consider it a win. My hope for my children is not academics or sport prowess but of beauty, respect, joy, character, commitment, compassion, work ethic, love and a relationship with God Almighty. To me that is success.

Time for Prayer

This morning and what will be every Monday morning a small group of faith-filled people gathered just inside the college gate. Standing in a loosely formed circle that can and will easily make room for more faith-filled people. Heads bowed and undeterred by the freezing cold and the threatened rain we prayed. Each and every one in agreement with the other and the Word of God. All praying for the college, its students and its teachers.... praying for inclusion, love, culture-change, hope and growth. Praying that no one feels alone, unloved or hopeless. Praying for the burden that the teachers feel and carry for their students. Praying for the love of the Heavenly Father, God Almighty Himself will invade and bring the kingdom to earth.

Truth is guys, school isn't what it used to be, there more hurt, more confusion, more chaos, more brokenness than ever before...a true reflection of our society. Schools need our prayers...desperately.

I firmly believe out of the obedience of one girl who heard Gods prompting to pray for her school.... that this circle won't stay this size, that we will see miracles happen and people touched, and many saved. We will see 'Thy Kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven'

If you are local and would like to join our band of merry men and women.... young or old...it doesn't matter. We would love to see you. Its only 20mins.

Small Wins

Tonight is burger night and right now I feel like crying.

See that plate of chopped up pattie...its Frankies plate and it's the FIRST TIME a beef patty has passed her lips! I mean EVER!!! She has only ever eaten sausages and a while back she ate a couple of mouse sized nibbles of cormed beef. But tonight she ate TEN pieces!!! This is such a big deal for us and for her. Having a child with such issues around food is exhausting and don't talk to me about the mum guilt or the outside pressure I feel....let alone the stress.

We have since discovered that when she experiences stress especially around food, she throws a high temp and goes pale and lethargic. It's so crazy! (It's called a psychogenic fever). I just counted on my fingers...there is nine things she eats. 9 that isn't junk food. Ain't nobody going to be healthy on that. So, we truck in the multivitamins for her.

So, this is such milestone for us. I have been praying and working on her even to touch new food. Her AMAZING Kindy (Creators) have been so accommodating and working with her too.... she now eats sandwiches thanks to them!

And before anyone messages me...no she is not on the autism spectrum. I don't know why she is like she is.... she's the only one out of the 8 like it.... even Charlie eats more than her.

It just goes to show you can be a mum of many and still don't know everything!

Doing a happy dance here and celebrating this small win but a win nonetheless!

Beauty & Elegance

I received this yesterday.... a gift from a beautiful friend and I'm in love with it. It's just so pure and simple yet elegant and luxurious.... can it be those things all at once?

To be honest I have never felt worthy or need for such beauty and luxury...why? I dug down real deep into my heart....and found a few reasons why.

1. I have never known what I like or love when it comes to things, clothes, hairstyles, jewelry etc...so its been easier to just go with whatever and let someone else tell me what I like.... that way I'll be right. Even to write that I see that is warped.

2. I have spent so long feeling like beauty and elegance as wasteful, vain and superficial. This has stemmed from being on such a stringent budget for so long, experiencing lack and going without.

3. More recently seeing, smelling and feeling the poverty, and hearing the stories makes me feel so guilty for having things when others simply do not have even the bare basics.

These past few weeks I have mentally been hibernating. Massive events have happened in my family, and I just needed some mental space to sort through it all, to recover....to nourish and nurture myself and my family. They aren't all bad mind you.... we bought a house! Amazing! But even an emotional high can be exhausting.

I have left my work for @lovingarmsnz for 2 weeks just doing the bare minimum to keep it ticking along because to be fully present and engaged...meeting people where they are at, loving them can be taxing and over time makes me not enjoy it and very tearful. It's not the place I want to be.

But I'm back from my space, my mental vacay.....and learning to appreciate beauty and kindness for myself.

This flower will remind me that rest, beauty and elegance, kindness and love are gifts...gifts that I'm worthy of...gifts from God himself and it's ok to enjoy them, to rest in them, to love them...in fact he loves that I do.

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!" Ps 27:13

Settlement Day

 Today...today could any one word hold so much emotion. Today was settlement day! Settlement day!

Today we bought a house...a home....our home. A place for our family to enjoy and make our own. A place to share with friends and family. A place to breathe.

There are no words of the feeling I feel today. This has most certainly a journey of miracles. God is so good.

He Did It.....SOLD!!!!

Guys....Look what happened.... our house has sold....to US! WE OWN OUR HOUSE! Man, what a crazy ride it has been but today we celebrate as it went unconditional today. Where's the bubbles?

We have seen God's hand on every facet of this journey. From God telling Jamie that we would be in our own home at the beginning of the year, to me taking a photo of the serial number for the kitchen lino when they replaced it months ago...just in case, to me telling the kids that the tree outside the lounge window was coming down, to looking at options to be able to buy, to me not 'feeling' like we would be moving, to the bank backing us with very favourable conditions and repayments, to here....we own a house.

Something for all these years we never ever thought possible. God is so good....and he always never ceases to surprise and bless. Our journey has not been easy over the last eight years....and while we may seem to be walking through life full of faith... but you need to hear that I have moments of doubt, worry and tantrums. But it is scripture that hauls me back into place, worship that takes my eyes off myself and our situation and a strength that can only be filled by a good good God.

I'm ridiculously happy right now. I came home from a coffee meeting this morning and Jamie came out and carried me over the threshold of OUR own home....again I'm off to buy bubbles!!!

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us," Ephesians 3:20