Finish Strong

Let's be honest 2020 hasn't been the greatest the year. For just about everyone it's been filled with uncertainty and helplessness. I don't know about you but while I might want to see the end of this crazy year....I'm determined to beat this year and see it out stronger than ever! And the only way we can do that in these uncertain times...is by being thankful. Thankfulness turns our eyes off ourselves and turns them outwards. Turns them off our troubles and fears and back on to the One who deserves all the praise. No matter if you are a believer or not...we all could go out of this year stronger than we started. Let's not let 2020 beat us any longer!

So, I have decided for the remainder of the year (Nov/Dec) ...I'm going to document 3 things I'm thankful for every day. Why? When we are thankful, we can reclaim the joy that is stolen in our everyday lives by the everydayness.

Loosing Yourself

I feel my urge to write is coming back....and this makes me happy. Very happy. I haven't felt like writing much for months and months perhaps even over a year...I actually thought maybe my passion, my heart for it had disappeared.

For a time, I think I lost a piece of myself over the past year or two. I've struggled to hold my head above the water at times.... you dig way down deep when you have a husband to connect with, kids to love and parent, a job to do and a role to play.

However, over this time Loving Arms has gone to seemingly new levels this year.... we are having at least two registrations from families every day. The pressure is real knowing that families are relying on us to help them provide for their babies, but more so to see them beyond who they are in their current situation. In March this year just before Covid-19 hit and put us into lockdown, Jamie and I believed that it was time for me to commit to full-time work driving Loving Arms. So, he resigned from his position as Associate Pastor at Zion Church and came home to be a stay-at-home dad/business manager for Loving Arms.

This was a time of huge adjustment for all of us especially seeing as weren't drawing an income. But God has been ever so faithful at providing for us and allowing us to find favor in working alongside agencies that are allowing us to do what we do. I fully believe Loving Arms wouldn't have been able to have helped like we've helped and accomplished what we have if we hadn't been obedient to His voice.

If I could encourage anyone it would be to have faith, be strengthened by His Word, His love and be bold as you take that very first step into what you know God is calling you to do. It might be hard and scary at times, but you won't regret it.

But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. - Matthew 14:27 - 29 ESV

Books, Covers & Judgement

I have been thinking a lot about judgment. You know the old saying "don't judge a book by its cover" .... well to be honest we all do it consciously or subconsciously. I had the privilege of being interviewed last week by a online magazine who wanted some photos to go with the article.... including one of Jamie and I together. Even though this is one of my favorites I was reluctant to send it to her. I felt it was too blingy therefore too deceptive. We look like a nice well put together couple... your normal white middle class family.

Why was I so reluctant to send it to her? You see this photo was taken at a family wedding that was held in the garden at our house...our rented "falling-down-just-had-paint-slapped-on" house. This photo was also taken when we were the poorest, we have ever been.... zero dollars in the bank and very minimal food in the pantry. The dress and jewelry I was wearing was bought with money gifted to me by a friend. I mean we were poor! Not to mention six months later we were homeless and living with friends. But you would never know by looking at that photo.... deceptive don't you think...which is why I struggled sending that photo in.

Doing what I do.... serving the families we serve is very challenging and every day I am challenged deep within myself about passing judgment. We truly have no right at all and like I just shared it goes both ways. You can NEVER know someone's back story just by looking at them or meeting with them for 5 minutes. To truly know someone is to walk and talk with them...to learn something of them. Then and only then do we truly see, truly value who they are, their journey and their story.

So, my challenge for myself.... how can I best represent Christ to the people I meet? How can I best serve them, so they feel seen and valued? How can I best love and serve them like we have been called to? How can I leave a lasting mark in their lives, a seed some might say ...of the love of Christ. How can I see them how Christ sees them...beautiful, valuable, lovable and so very precious.

Grounding!

Try as I might I'm never going to have a magazine worthy home. And now I'm ok with that. Instagram scrolling can be blame for the unrealistic expectations I put on myself and my family as something to be achieved as a sign of "winning at life". But you know what I'm already winning at life....my family is safe, healthy, fed, clothed and most certainly deeply loved. For this I'm most thankful.

Every Wednesday since April it's been delivery day for me. I strategically pack all the boxes of clothing, cots and car seats into my van and head off delivering them around the region to grateful families with precious babies. But it's taken me this long that at least for Thursday mornings I need some mental health space. I need not to think about the sights, the stories, the desperation and the brokenness of the day before. So as part of my self-care I methodically go through each room of my house.... tidying, cleaning, straightening and folding, followed by wiping and vacuuming. Not as an attempt to make a show home but as a form of deep gratitude for what God has given me and my family. This has become a time of grounding and worship for me.

As I am in each room I'm thankful that my babies aren't sleeping on the floor, in carseats or on couches. That my children have the security in knowing who is in their home at night will be the same ones when they wake. That they have access to good food to fill their bellies. That they have people who believe in them enough to stand beside them when the make mistakes, who make Drs appointments for them and create memories for them.

Oh I am far from perfect, far far far away. I know I can always do better. Everyone always can.

I just want to encourage you....no matter what your home looks like its how the people that matter most to you feel when they are in your home. Be thankful for where you are. Don't look sideways and feel disheartened because things might not match...these things don't make you a better person...if you love your babies and the precious people in your life and are doing right by them....then you are doing great!

It's the little things

There's not too many of these moments left.... where she'll climb up on to my lap, lay her head on my chest and drift off to sleep. In her safe place and perfectly content. These are the moments I want etched deeply in my memory.

Having a child leave home.... well, there's absolutely nothing in this world that can prepare you for it. Nothing. I cried. His father cried. But if nothing else it makes you thankful and it makes you reflect. I'm thankful for that we have sent him off on a positive note, excited for him and with prayers and love. He wasn't kicked out; he didn't run away...he knows he felt loved and accepted. But oh, how I miss him.

The days following him leaving were hard. It's the small things that choked me up. The folding of the washing....no washing pile for him. Five thirty on the clock....no boom boom up the street as he pulls into the driveway after work. Oh, my heart.

Its most certainly shoves the time with that we have left with the others in our faces, and it seems short. Now I want to cram all the memories in, all the conversations.... all the time. Because time is all you have...once spent you can never earn more.

The saying "the days are long, but the years are short" is 150% so very true!

Cast Iron

Love me some cast iron!!! I got this heavy wee cast iron tea pot for Mother's Day! I'm in love.

I had to drop some serious hints though.... like find it and leave the tab open in my laptop kinda thing.

Cast Iron cookware brings me ALL the warm fuzzies. A nod to my grandmother and the yesteryear with a hint of homesteading in Alaska kinda jam. Oh my heart desires.

Though for now I'll pretend I'm having a warm cup of tea after a good days dog sledding.

Truth be told Lockdown has been insanely busy...busy like never before. And Im tired.

Loving Arms has helped more mums than ever. Done more delivering. Heard more stories and we've packed a large number of bundles from our homes. Throw schooling in there, zoom meetings and business stuff.... phew! This mama is tired.... but we are on the very brink of something super exciting and I can't wait to tell you all!

Brave and Beautiful

Every now and then I want to stop the bus and throw it all in....not that I will but sometimes I want to. In the face of discouragement, I start to wonder what it would have been like if I chose the other path. Don't worry I'm not talking about marriage and kids.... they will always stay.

Once I finished my nursing degree, I seriously contemplated the idea of doing a midwifery degree. But no, I thought I should be responsible and work. Then I got married and had a couple of kids. I thought about it again.... stalked through the local midwifery school course requirements and book/reading lists and spending money buying up large every single textbook and midwifery book around. I read and reread them over and over again. We are talking hundreds of dollars here.... second hand so give me some credit. I thought about it...yearned for it but the timing never seemed right, and I knew that I just didn't have the support network in place for childcare. I went on to have half a dozen more children in which time Loving Arms was birthed.

I remember the day I threw a tantrum and got rid of all but six midwifery books after I came to the realization that it was perhaps it was never meant to be. I guess a part of me still is sad I'm not a midwife. But here we are "with women " in an entirely different sense. Championing mothers on in a different way, meeting their needs, loving on them, supporting their families and imparting kindness and care as they walk through the beginning stages of their motherhood journey. Women are powerful, brave and beautiful. They can withstand a huge amount if stress and crap and still rise up to carry on. I'm no feminist but women do most certainly rock and it's such a privilege to walk beside so many. Here's to dreams not being realized in the way you thought!