Isn't she gorgeous

 Six weeks old today! Wahoo! And finally managed to snap a pic with her smiling. She is gorgeous and we love her to pieces!

I feel like she has been here forever and yet it doesn't seem like it's been six weeks already. We had our very very last midwife visit today. So sad we won't be seeing her on a regular basis, but I know I will see her again from time to time. For most woman her relationship with her is a very special one as she is the one that has walked the journey alongside you...cheering you on, being a rock and shoulder and providing you with the advice and information you need. She has been with you for one of the momentous and profound events of your life. I think it's quite normal to feel at least a wee bit of sadness at the last visit.

Wee Charlie Grace has put on weight....700g in the last two weeks.... now weighing in at a chunky 6. 29kg....no wonder my back gets sore. I hope I am developing good strong biceps and shoulder muscles. She loves her bath but HATES getting out and screams blue murder in protest. It's the only time she screams her head off.... poor girl. We have to quickly put a nappy on her and I feed her really quickly to help soothe her...poor thing. But I hate having to get out of the bath too...So I don't really blame her.

Here's to breaking the rules

It was such a beautiful day today that I stupidly decided to take the kids to the park. After yesterday's birthday party, a full weekend and having been stuck inside for days due to weather...they were going crazy which in turn was making me even crazier. I say stupidly because it was a disaster before we even left the driveway. I get to the car and discover that Jamie had the wheels to the capsule, the base to her capsule and Frankies car seat in his car. I managed to put Charlie's seat in without the case (You don't NEED it) and finally put Frankie new seat in the car BUT not before a few choice words left my mouth as I struggled at loosening straps and securing it in the van. All the while the kids were fighting over who is sitting where...the choicest seat being next to Charlie. We finally proceeded to be on our way only to find that someone had vomited all over some of the playground equipment!

We load back into the car with further fighting and general ridiculousness. We get to the next park and finally let them out.... the words "good riddance" came to mind as they piled out. 

I should have got myself a coffee but I am trying not to have more than one a day...darn it. Probably not the best day to not break my own rules.

While at the park I sat watching the kids (of course) and also a group of young mums. They had clearly met up for coffee that afternoon and set up camp their so they could watch their kiddies play. For a slight moment...I thought about how nice and unbusy their lives looked. None of them looked even slightly harassed or disheveled. But as soon as that thought came, I realized how incredibly judgmental that thought was, that I has made a judgement purely based on what I was seeing. That is so wrong. I didn't know them or their stories...and I could completely have it all wrong in my head. As o looked back around at my own kids all laughing and playing on a giant swing together.... I did realize (again) how blessed I am and loved them all the more. That was until I walked back in the house only for WW III to break out WHILE the plumbers were under the house and could hear everything!

Kids keeping you humble since forever!

Day 40: We made it!

 Day 40.

So here we are.... our journey through the first 40 days in the life of Charlie Grace has come to an end. I am sad. She has changed in so many ways and grown so much. She is a delight and a blessing...the perfect completion to our family of ten! Man, that still blows me away saying that.... ten! How did we get here?! Well of course I know but I still.....mind blowing.

Me... I feel like I have stepped back into "normal"...well my normal anyway (and is that even normal) ...but there is a newness and a new facet to my life now. And isn't she a gorgeous facet too! Physically I guess I am still healing...still working on my separated abdominal muscles, my weak and sore back and strengthening my core strength. I have to come to terms that I will never look like my 24-year-old self without major and costly surgery. And honestly, I have even looked into it. It's a no go. Body image something I have struggled with and still do. So, I am working in doing the best I can and accepting the rest. It may seem shallow to some but that's my struggle.

40 days of post-partum rest. A purposeful slowing of time to remain inward and sheltered. A time to reflect and grow into this new normal. I managed to have 2 weeks of pretty much complete rest, having to do pretty much nothing. Traditionally in many cultures it's for 40 days this happens.... I think I would go stir crazy if I had to remain rested for 40 days. Doing nothing for 40 days.....Eek!

So where to from here? I think I will continue on to complete documenting our full fourth trimester...maybe or maybe not everyday. There are some days I have no idea what to write about. And I'll also slowly incorporate members of the rest of the family if they'll let me...lol.

But again, thank you for all your support and words of encouragement. And thank you to those who share a part of their own journeys with me. You are all amazing!

Flashback

Day 39

Flashback to the day Charlie Grace was born.

I get very teary looking st these photos....I have spared you actual c-section photos and photos of her just moments old that my lovely midwife took. Those ones I'll hold close to me as even though I was awake I didn't witness her being born or the first 30mins of her life. I have sadness around that. Hearing her but not seeing or touching her. A mama's first instinct after giving birth is to reach for her baby and hold it close. I missed that. But I take comfort in the fact that she enjoyed skin to skin with her daddy. I love that photo so much. I also love the fact that someone captured the first time I held her and her first feed. I always cry looking at that photo. It was such a massive journey bringing Charlie into the world....planned home birth...failure to progress past 5 cm...posterior lying (the most hideous back pain) ....a spinal and an epidural and consequently led to a c-section.

The recovery and healing from that journey has been a story in itself....but we are getting there...slowly. In spite of any sadness I might have around her birth I also am totally thankful and happy with the decisions that I made and the care that I received. I do not know why it ended up like this but I do know that God is good and He gives us good things...I choose to believe this and the fact I will never know why is ok with me. As we are near the end of #first40withcharliegrace I look at her in awe and wonder...totally marveling at the miracle that is life....and the fact that I get to do this...this life. I get to be her mother. I get to be mother to 7 others....I get to be a wife...get to be in ministry....I get to live this life of privilege because it is a privileged one and I get choose how well I live it. I want to live it well. I want to make a difference, be a world changer....and to do that you just can't dwell on what isn't or the things you don't have or didn't get.

Look at those hats

Thankful for the Medication

Day 38 of 40

Day 38.

I am expecting Charlie to be awake for a long while now and to be extra hungry. Church this morning....slept the whole time, home for a quick lunch where she had a feed and then out to Hamilton for a few hours...slept the whole time again. Needless to say I am wanting/needing her to have a couple of big drinks...for my comfort as well as sustenance for herself. If you are or were a breast feeding mum you'll catch my drift. I really wished I had snapped a pic of Charlie being cuddled and held by one of the elderly ladies at church. She is such a strong dedicated women of faith that has suffered many losses over the years. To see the expression of joy on her face while she was holding her was priceless. It blessed me seeing her so blessed as she kissed her downy head and snuggled into Charlie's chubbiness. I originally asked her of she could hold her so I could go to the bathroom but was so blessed instead. Melted my heart with warm fuzzies.

So last night's sleeping arrangements went....um well....let's just say I started off with good intentions but the look of her in her giant bed ALL the way over in her own bed (a whole 40cm) made her look tiny. Plus she wasn't happy with the new arrangements soooo Jamie ended up sleeping in her bed and her in with me. We will try again at a later date. BUT I will say everyone had a very goodnight sleep so that's the main thing isn't it. I totally see a yurt coming our way.... I am realising that we are coming to the end of #first40withcharliegrace and I am thinking about what to do next. Do I continue and if so what does that look like? Do I feature more of the rest of the family? What else should I write about? If you want to vote comment below or check out my stories and have a say. So many of you have said how much they have enjoyed this piece of writing I have been doing...how much they relate and how thought-provoking it has been. I thank everyone who has given me feedback over this time. Totally makes sharing our journey worthwhile. knowing it's enjoyed is very much humbling and a blessing

I do love my sleep! 

She's so lucky

Day 35.

I really do think that Charlie is the luckiest baby girl around. She has so many people that love her and can't wait to give her snuggles. I don't need to worry if I am busy or out of the room that she will be upset by herself....at the first cry someone is there ready to pick her up and she LOVES snuggles. It was a #lovingarms day today and I was in and out packing up a bundle. So my beautiful friend Ashlea swooped in to rescue the squirmy bubba from her capsule. I really do feel so blessed.

Charlie's stint of feeding all day ended last night and she only woke twice for a big drink...do big in fact that she gulps it down and you can hear it bouncing off the sides of her stomach. She is such a noisey drinker.

She's five weeks old today. It's hard to believe that it's only been weeks since she was inside me. I often sit and think about all the ways I am changed as a person and as a mother since having her. You really don't understand how much you can multiply love you have to give and how much you can multi-task until you have to. You simply grow into it.

We have a birthday in the house next week so a sleep over is happening here tomorrow.... exciting times. I'll have three teenage boys...please do are a thought for our food bill!

Ashley & Charlie

Day 33

Day 33.

Ok I am cheating a little as I took this photo late last night. See I told you she would wake up and that she did.

Charlie is all cheeks! Seriously just look at them. I like to "eat" them all the time. Nom nom nom.

I see her change every day. Everyday she is so different. Her night out last night must of tired her out because she basically has slept most of the day. Slowly the fights over who is going to hold her is coming to an end I think they have learnt holding her means running the risk of being spilled on. Now that's just funny!

We are off to the big smoke tomorrow to see the physio for my poor stomach muscles. I am praying they can work miracles. I don't want to look pregnant forever. I am also off to the osteopath tomorrow for my back and neck. I know I still have a fair bit of healing to do...do hopefully these things will start me on the right track and things can start to look up.

I need some suggestions lovely mamas out there. I need to find something to wear....semi-formal, not to clingy, need to breast feed in it and not too short. I need within two weeks. And doesn't cost the earth. Thoughts? Ideas? Help a girl out....please! I need to look halfway decent.