Flashback

Day 39

Flashback to the day Charlie Grace was born.

I get very teary looking st these photos....I have spared you actual c-section photos and photos of her just moments old that my lovely midwife took. Those ones I'll hold close to me as even though I was awake I didn't witness her being born or the first 30mins of her life. I have sadness around that. Hearing her but not seeing or touching her. A mama's first instinct after giving birth is to reach for her baby and hold it close. I missed that. But I take comfort in the fact that she enjoyed skin to skin with her daddy. I love that photo so much. I also love the fact that someone captured the first time I held her and her first feed. I always cry looking at that photo. It was such a massive journey bringing Charlie into the world....planned home birth...failure to progress past 5 cm...posterior lying (the most hideous back pain) ....a spinal and an epidural and consequently led to a c-section.

The recovery and healing from that journey has been a story in itself....but we are getting there...slowly. In spite of any sadness I might have around her birth I also am totally thankful and happy with the decisions that I made and the care that I received. I do not know why it ended up like this but I do know that God is good and He gives us good things...I choose to believe this and the fact I will never know why is ok with me. As we are near the end of #first40withcharliegrace I look at her in awe and wonder...totally marveling at the miracle that is life....and the fact that I get to do this...this life. I get to be her mother. I get to be mother to 7 others....I get to be a wife...get to be in ministry....I get to live this life of privilege because it is a privileged one and I get choose how well I live it. I want to live it well. I want to make a difference, be a world changer....and to do that you just can't dwell on what isn't or the things you don't have or didn't get.

Look at those hats

Thankful for the Medication