A Mumma's Heart

Oh be still my mama heart!

We visited the younger kids' school yesterday so they could meet the teachers and see their classrooms and officially hand in our enrollment forms. Jesse clearly fell in love with where he would be....so much so that he has asked to go NEXT term with the girls instead of waiting until next year like I had planned. But he's so little!!! I couldn't really say no now could I.

So today we headed up and fitted the three of them out in school uniforms. How cute they looked too. Honestly though one half of me is struggling (possibly the flesh side) the other side feels very excited as we embark into this new season.

There are of course things that I am worried about as we venture forth...they are never far from my mind BUT if our God is for us then who and what can stand against us. I think what I love and most definitely what God loves more is my utter dependance on Him. Him who holds my hand, Him who loves my children even more than I do, Him who provides, Him who comforts and gives me peace and Him who calls me out if the boat and guides me with His voice and His Word. One can't help but feel comfort in that don't you think?

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” - Deuteronomy 31:8

Oh, My Heart

Unsubscribing

Slowly, slowly, I have been unsubscribing myself to ALL the unschooling and home-schooling emails, sites, blogs, pages and unfollowing accounts. Sorry folks...it's not you it's me. This new season calls for me to be 150% walking forward and not looking backwards or longing for what was once occupying every thought I had. I was finding it difficult and feeling incredibly sad and guilty for having decided to send the kids to school EVEN though it has been very clear that this is what God was asking us to do. So, I am removing myself from those things that are no longer beneficial for me...not at all bad things but they aren't good for me.... right now.... in this season of saying goodbye to the homeschooling mama part of me. Like I said it's me not them.

I will never be anti-homeschooling just as I was never anti-school...it's about doing what's best for you and your family in the current season that you are in.

I remember feeling quite lost when we brought the kids home... out of school.... feeling like I had no "group" that I could be a part of or identify with. But I didn't need to worry I quickly became the 'homeschool mum'. Weirdly I never thought I let that title define my identity, but it's become apparent that I had. And now that I have been called to give up that identity I have felt lost again.

We all find so much solace in these identities which come from what we do but not in who we are. Maybe if we walked more in who we are we would be unshakable when change comes a calling.

Hello, I am a daughter of the most high King, Jesus follower, fearfully and wonderfully made, wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend.

Nice to meet you.

And Breathe!

 Yesterday I shared that we as a family are going through some changes and are facing some more time of transitioning from the old season into a new one. ** please someone remind me to breathe** As part of this new season God has been prompting us but mostly me into sending the kids back to school. I say mostly me because Jamie has felt this for a while...I well I just didn't want to admit it if I was completely honest. (And that is a whole other story) For me it screamed failure.... which I now know is a lie. It simply means that now the season is over.

When Jamie got ordained in July it signaled the end of one season and the beginning of a new one. While he was the one that was ordained as a pastor the ministry got both of us....and that partnership comes with its own expectations, challenges and opportunities. Loving Arms is growing busier and expanding at a rate far beyond my expectations and vision....and it's nowhere near finished yet....and honestly, I have felt like I am drowning at times. The to-do list is an arm's length. Don't get me wrong I am definitely not complaining about it....it's a good thing. It's a God thing.

There is so much more I could share in and around this decision...far more than this space will allow. I have a huge bag of very mixed emotions that need sorting through as I journey through this time of transition. Let's go!

I hope the school is ready for us! 

Changing Seasons

God has been teaching me a lot lately...well I should say gently nudging me in areas that I have needed to take a good look at.

If you have been following me for a while you'll know that we have been called into a new season and with new seasons some things from the old season cannot be brought along. Urgh sometimes leaving behind the old is so hard. So hard.

These flowers are from a beautiful dear friend from her mama heart to mine. From a friend who knows that change in seasons and all that brings is tough, a bag of mixed emotions and thoughts and is willing to hold my hand through this. I'll need A LOT of hand holding.

Charlie Grace Update

3 months old.

Charlie Grace. I simply indulge in her delicious every single day...I mean check her out! Today is not only her 1/4 birthday but also is the official end of our 4th trimester.... it's supposed to be now that I can jump back into the world with both feet. Hmmm I think I did that a few weeks back. Our not so wee Charlie is very much a blessing to our family. I melt at her smile, go nuts over her fat rolls and simply cherish her snuggly-ness.

As much as I love this girl with all of my being...recovering from her birth has been difficult and long. I am still having back issues, weakened stomach muscles and at times flash backs coupled with a bit of anxiety surrounding her birth. This has not only surprised me because I am completely ok with my decisions and can't fault my care but makes me sad as well. Obviously, it's something I still need to process and heal from. No need to worry though I will....I have a good good God.

Charlie Grace 3mths

Loves talking, smiling, baths, having no nappy on, being carried, snuggles and walks.

Hates her car seat, getting out of the bath and sitting down and still

Latch On

Celebrating World Breastfeeding Week right here in my lounge with a #brelfie. Charlie Grace and I didn't make to it to our local 'Big Latch On' as I had a dentist appointment. I know what I would rather had been doing though.

Breast feeding has always been a top priority and I worked out that I have spent over TEN YEARS of my life doing it....and we are still going strong. That's a quarter of my life!!! I do recognize that I am one of the lucky ones and have never had any problems with breast feeding or getting any of my babies to latch properly...two of them even had a tongue-tie and throughout their time of feeding managed to stretch it and it's been no issue. I know every mum's journey is different, and it doesn't come naturally to everyone, but I truly believe that given the right support, education, nourishment, care and encouragement it's something that the majority of woman can do.

I wonder if I'll make it to next years "Latch On"?

The Giant Jam Sandwhich

Bedtime stories...I think you either love reading them or loathe them. For the most part I love reading them...Jamie loathes them. He will encourage the kids to pick the shortest story we have...usually a picture board book. When he does get caught with a long story, I catch him reading it as fast as he possibly can. Like I said most night I love reading bedtime stories...I definitely have my favourites and ones that I try to hide from the kids. Is that bad?! This book, The Giant Jam Sandwich is definitely a fav because I love the language and the rhyme it has. But tonight it took FOREVER to read it because I kept getting interrupted with questions and comments...such as these....

Frankie: Mummy...how do wasps have babies?

Jesse: What is salt made of?

Frankie: Mummy...where do wasps live?

Jesse: What's that word? And that one.... what about that one?

Jesse: Let me say the last word.... what's the last word again? (Jesse likes to say the last word in the stanza because it the rhyming one)

Frankie: Why are the birds flying that high? Where are they taking the sandwich?

Jesse: Suggestion....what's a suggestion? (Swinging from the top bunk)

Frankie: I don't like wasps they sting people.

Jesse: Mummy...knock knock...mummy.... mummy.

Let me read the flippin story man!

It truly drives me crazy. How can one read a really cool story with cool voices, expression and excitement when you are interrupted all the time? But the still small voice gently whispered...that I wasn't being fun and the story wasn't about me but about them and that we actually LIKE and encourage questions and discussion in this house. Ouch. Ok point taken.

Will do better tomorrow...different book though