Kia Kaha

 I figured that seeing I hadn't posted on here for a while that I better do so.

So here we are hopefully only days away from meeting baby#8, our bonus baby. To be honest the last few weeks have been a little rough for me both physically and emotionally. Quite possibly emotionally because I am physically struggling??? Or is a part of full-term pregnancy hormones??

This is the first time I have ever been in so much with back and leg pain and an unstable pelvis....so I do actually feel pretty blessed that I have had seven babies without this issue BUT it still sucks. Sitting hurts, driving hurts, walking hurts and getting dressed hurts.

I am looking forward to being able to move normally and freely and being able to lift my legs without having to assist them by my hands.

After a weird kind of day yesterday (yes, it was my birthday...so that part was good) here we are again....I feel like I am struggling between two worlds. Tears are VERY close to the surface. The need for my family to be around is strong...but also the feeling of "leave me alone" and let me have some "peace and space". The thought of going out and being seen in public fills me with dread and makes me want to cry...in fact I do cry.

But really.....its all part of it. Hormones are very real...the little blyters! They make you do, feel and say strange things. Ask me to my face how I am and I'll tell you I am fine.... because that's what we do isn't it. We all do it. Why? We want help but we don't want help. We want people to care but we don't want to burden them. We want help but we don't want to feel indebted to them or to feel we have to make small talk. Gee women are weird. We want to be seen as strong but not too strong. We want to be real but not too real. We want to be able to do it alone, but we aren't suppose to...ever. We aren't designed that way...its not Gods way. Why do we struggle so much with that......its so damn humbling.

I suppose that's why finding your tribe is so necessary, your crew, your peeps.....your net. My net.

So my days are filled with my God, worship music, His Word...for He is Good.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you—

the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm—

he will watch over your life;

the Lord will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore. - Ps 121