God's Going To Move

We have faced some pretty big giants in our lives...now it seems we are facing three at once. Granted some are bigger than others and some are certainly uglier than others but nonetheless they are giants all the same. This is our latest one......the 'for sale' sign at the front of our house. Those that have been following our beautifulcrazyfaith journey for a while now will know that we have faced this before a few years back. Yes, I know that as renters this is the risk you sign up for every time you sign that tenancy agreement...you are living there at the mercy of your landlords. I get that.... I do and if I could change it I would.

But I have a Holy peace folks. I can't explain it but it's good. God has got this...and whatever it may look like in the end...He is good and nothing is ever wasted. Don't get me wrong I get rattled while in the peace...like yesterday when the sign went up it rattled me and I could feel the anxiety hanging around me like a cloak.... weighing me down and making me snappy with the kids. I pray and pray and sing worship songs and recite scripture and remind God of things. I thank Him for His complete faithfulness in the past and that He is working behind the scenes for His glory. Then just like that peace prevails again as quickly as it left. His Word is alive people!

I don't know what the future holds for us....it remains a mystery. Would we love to buy and have our own home.... absolutely we would! Years ago, we listened to very bad advice from someone we respected but that's life isn't it! So that little thing called a deposit eludes us. Jamie and I have lived through some very tough financial times where we have had 35c in our bank account and very little food, yet we have never missed a rent payment in all our 19 or so years.

So, my lovely readers watch this space.....Gods going to move!

One Years Old Today

Well folks.... our wee Charlie Grace is ONE! Just like that we blink and her first year is gone.

Shes truly a gift....the one we didn't know we needed but God knew what he was doing when he blessed us with her. Funny that!

We have spent the day enjoying her company, hugging and kissing her all the time and have sung her Happy Birthday 245 times already! What an experience it must be to be the youngest of 8 children. Having 7 older siblings to cheer you in in every little thing you do, picking you up, sharing stuff with you and making you giggle. She has the family sussed out already. I laugh as her oldest brothers is crazy with her...making loud noises and chasing her. Where most kids might cry or get a fright...she literally doesn't even flinch....she just turns and looks at them like the weirdos they can be.

As I think back to this day a year ago...to one of the hardest days of my life. I have purposely chosen not to think about how awful it was and the experience I missed out on....but to focus on the beautiful, exquisite gift that was born.

Charlie Grace Aged 1

Lover of mama cuddles, baths, snacks in a bowl, baby-shark, scrambled eggs, water, pussycats, being outside, bouncy balls and cuddly toys.

Hates getting out of the bath, having to come inside, sitting in the car for too long and not having someone to touch in the middle of the night.

Bites my legs to get me to pick her up. Doesn't smile at strangers no matter how hard they try. Shares her toys with other babies. Can walk but prefers to crawl still. Has five teeth. And loves a good round of applause....especially if it's for her!

Happy Birthday sweet girl!

Yummo!!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day y'all. I am picking that probably 99% of my read apart from my boys are female.

I learnt a really awesome fact today from one of the speakers at church this morning.... what you see here is the Hebrew word for Mother 'AM'. Don't ask me to pronounce it. The first letter A - Aleph means strong or ox. The second letter M - Mem means water...so put together means strong water. Which conjures up all kinds of images. Firstly, the baby lives in the waters for the first 9 months as it is created and formed. It is birthed as the waters break forth from its mother "Life is in this water, and many necessary compounds such as proteins and carbohydrates are absorbed by the child during development. Without these, the child would not grow and would eventually die.

The mother provides life-giving water to the new child, and even after birth this process continues as the child is nursed with the mother's milk." Also, if we look at the pictographic script, it again means 'strong water". In ancient times "Hebrews made glue by boiling animal (ox) skins in water. As the skin broke down, a sticky thick liquid formed at the surface of the water. This thick liquid was removed and used as a binding agent-"strong water". This is the Hebrew word meaning "mother", the one who "binds" the family together." This right here spoke directly to my heart....us mothers are the ones that hold our families together, often seen as the peacemakers, the ones the think about and check up on members that are a little absent, often providing the bridge between the generations and extended family member, often ensuring everyone is cared for, seen, fed, watered, clothed, happy.

We feel when one is hurt or lost and we go after...trying to make sure everyone is ok, included, and healthy. We physically hurt when our children hurt. We love fiercely, deeply, strongly, unconditionally and long. We see past all the imperfections and just love. We love it when our family is all together.... it's ingrained in us. And we would do ANYTHING to stop the breaking and interference of our family. We are strong glue!

Hello New Friends

Ok guys...I'm not going to lie. I look at the numbers...I do. People might say that's shallow, but I think most people who write or create like to think that people enjoy or appreciate their work. I am one of those people.... So recently the number of 'likers' in the BeautifulCrazyFaith Facebook page ticked over 200. To me that's awesome! I love that people are reading my babble and hopefully something resonates with them or at the very least entertains them.

So, to my new friends...Welcome! You'll find crazy goings on here mixed in with semi-serious posts, reflective thoughts with a bit of scripture thrown in. I'm a mum to more than a few kids (like although you'll rarely see most of them on here because they don't want me posting pics of them most of the time. I'm married to a pastor who loves to hunt! I head up a not-for-profit called @loving_arms_nz....so I can safely say I lead a pretty colorful and varied life. A few years back my husband and I prayed together and made a commitment that we would say yes to whatever God asked of us which you can imagine has led us on a crazy journey where we are forever growing as people and learning new things.

We are patiently hoping that God might call us to Alaska or even Montana USA...but so far, he hasn't! We are firmly planted here in small town New Zealand. I'm an incredibly reflective person, who loves my husband, my kids and my community. A birth nerd, mother advocate, and someone who wants to see ALL children have the best childhood ever. This space is my outlet for ALL the words that I have yet to say!!! Thanks for joining me on my journey of life and if you love what I write .... share around or tell your friends!

It Can Wait!

I slept in this morning...to 8:10am! I know don't shoot me but seriously sleep has been eluding me for a while now. It's either the baby keeping me awake or it's my overactive thought processes.... why!! So, when my husband got up at 6am with Charlie Grace despite of my best efforts to get her back to sleep...I cocooned myself back under the covers and simply refuse to leave. Sleep came and it was good. So good.

But now I'm thinking .... was it even worth it? I'm not sure if I really did myself any favors by taking such liberties for myself even though Lord knows I need it!

My brain runs faster than I can keep up...and now I am left running around like I headless chook that's dizzy on the fizzy. When I get like this, I start to fray at the edges and start to grump at my kids.... or husband if he's around...."someone please help me!" But when pushed I actually can't name what I need help with....so maybe it's me...I need to be better at time management (I have known that for a long time) but I also need to be better at communicating what I need help with and what my stressors are. For a long time I felt guilty that I couldn't do everything well...I can do somethings well...I'm great at somethings. Somethings I suck at and there are somethings I would most gladly tap out of. I don't know why I put pressure on myself like this....my husband certainly doesn't...although I guess he would like some kind of dinner at least 5 times a week.

Mama guilt and mama pressure...self-imposed or not...it's very real and today I'm feeling it big time.

So, I'm leaving the crumbs on the table and the kitchen floor a little sticky....and I'm citing first world problems in order to make me feel better. I'm sure someone will grab a mop at some stage.... won't they? I'm sitting here drinking the last drop of my one coffee for the day.... cos every drop is worthy to be drunk

Happy Birthday To Me

Today has been a good day. Today is my 42nd birthday! I simply do not feel 42 in any way shape or form...I feel like I'm 26. 26 must have been a good year for me...

I remember my mum turning 40 my dad had arranged a dinner for her and her longtime friend parked across the road in order to surprise her...they had the number plate PD14. It's weird what you remember. I thought my mum was old back then...yet here I am. I also remember my mother-in-law turning 40......we hung out at her house for the day. If I'm honest, I don't particularly like the number attached to my age.... I'm telling myself that they are now is irrelevant these days, Is it? Or am I just dreaming? Is there a way to dress, act and be when you are my age?. I feel like there use to be but now not so much.

So here I am 42...still raising babies, still breastfeeding, still doing Kindy and school runs, still haven't really decided what I'm going to be when I grow up, still looking for someone more adult than me and still cannot do my hair properly. I need to grow up....so when does that actually happen? And what even is grown up status...when you have chainsaw? I feel that's pretty adult. When you have a mortgage? When you have kids? Well, I was an adult way back at 23 then. So now I must be an extra adulty!

I feel like I haven't accomplished much as there is so much I still want to do. I have big dreams...HUGE actually. I'm ready for them...let's go I say!

In saying all that I most certainly received adult type presents today...a new chair for my 'space', 'string of pearls' (a pot plant in case you aren't in the know), candles, office items, and a recipe book from Alaska. The last item made me cry like a baby (again obviously not an adult)....for years Jamie and I have been watching all things Alaskan and dreaming of living there so this recipe book was a gift from him that spoke directly to my heart....cue tears....one day we might get to visit there. We often wonder does Alaska need missionaries or a fledgling pastor. If so pick us!!!!! We'll go!

But anyway, my point is I guess...is you are only old as you feel. My kids keep me young. My dreams keep me young.

Happy birthday to me xx

Just Like You

I walked into my room and caught her trying on a necklace of mine. I actually have very little jewelry because when I wear it I feel feel like people are looking at me. Is that weird? I asked her why she was doing something she knows she's not allowed to do as I took it from her hands...her reply "because I want to be just like you mama!" Today that made me cry. When the devil is whispering in your ear that you are a crappy parent, that you are less than, that you have failed, that you will never succeed, that you deserve every bad thing that has happened and will happen and it's all my fault......to hear that just gave me all the feels right in the feeling place and my first thought was "no you do not want to be like me". But as I opened my jewelry box I saw nestled in the back corner a little black box containing this medal. I reached in and took it out and gave it to her and said...here try this on.

She said "oh wow...a medal mama...how did you win it? Was it like for sports? I replied "No not for sport...most definitely not. I won this for being a nice person. For being kind and helping people, when no one was helping them. I won this for starting Loving Arms." It made me think. I did not start Loving Arms to get a medal or to get anything...purely to help others even just one person. I never dreamed that it would be where it is or the direction its heading.

So, in a culture that celebrates physical prowess, social media presence, financial success and academic excellence.... I think it's nice to have the "warm fuzzies celebrated". Also, my greatest hope for my sweet, dramatic, beautiful and clever 4-year-old and ALL my other children is that they are kind and caring, they work hard, they are respectful and love Jesus. Of course, I can't command that from them...they have to want to be and do those for themselves. But I can set the best example I can, that we can.... in hope that we will inspire and encourage them that that is the best way to live.... that those things are the only REAL things that matter. And that we will love them unconditionally always....

Just as Our Father loves us.