Dreams

I have dreams.... dreams that one day we'll get to experience a white Christmas....with all the trappings of course. The snowmen, the eggnog, the ice skating, the hot chocolates and the crackling fire. One day...here's hoping.

I have a lot of dreams actually.... some that make no sense at all...like living in Montana and having a buffalo ranch or chopping firewood and melting bear tallow ready for an Alaskan winter. Ill allow you to laugh. And some that make a whole heap of sense....

like changing the game of poverty for families in New Zealand or elevating family to where it should rightfully sit in society.

Those are lofty goals I know. Pick anyone of them and you'll be told ..."unlikely" to happen. I sit here on the sidelines, in the shadows...reading all the blogs, watching all the instastories, reading, reading .... learning and waiting. Waiting for what...I am not sure. A shot of confidence perhaps? I know I have words to speak and stories to tell and I'm not entirely sure what I am waiting for.

I have more dreams within. Burning to be released. Like a fire within. But when will the right time come?

Anyone who knows me knows I loathe conflict, negativity and confrontation.... perhaps that is where I need to grow, to grow up, to come to a place where "who cares". I don't like to be not liked, to be left out and put out of circles. Lord...you know how that has been the bain of my life. Strengthen me Lord. Help me overcome these fears.

So, I ask.... what dreams are you dreaming? What do you have burning inside of you? And what fear my friend is holding you back?

photo credit @countrylivingmag

Polar Opposites

My current read.... lent to me by a good friend and I'm loving it. In our current season so much of it resonates with me so it's really timely...actually it's exactly why she lent it to me!

I have had a few people ask me about my last post/blog. Some directly ask me about it, most gently inquiring around the edges of conversation and one or two seeking clarification on me saying "a year from hell but a year from heaven" and how that could possibly be. So, I thought a follow up post was in order.... How could one 12-month period feature polar opposites? Firstly, let me say that if wasn't for our faith in God then I truly don't know how we would have made it through the year. To seek refuge in His Word and worship when you feel the anxiety in your throat so much so that you can't breathe, eat or sleep IS THE MOST POWERFUL form of defense and offense against our enemy. Darkness cannot remain where light resides.

Without the support and prayers of friends and family.... that you could simply text "please pray".... knowing that in moments after reading those two words they are interceding and praying on your behalf.

We most definitely had some amazing God encounters and were on the receiving end of His provision.... without those this year would have been more hellish. Those things kept us moving, kept us positive, kept us seeking His face and being in a place of thankfulness.

The thing is guys we aren't promised a life of ease but that we will face trouble, but all is not lost or wasted. "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

So why do I share what I do? I'm pretty open and honest and while I may not share everything. I try to be the real deal...to be any different I believe would be detrimental to the Kingdom of God. I believe in sharing my life so that others can see the redeeming love of Christ, but to also know that when you belong to Christ you will most still be hit with tragedy and hard times but your journey through it all while it could be "hell on earth".... all of Heaven is holding your hand" (my words)

I know who my people are

 This year's been a bit shit really. Can I say that? I'm going to as I simply cannot think of a nicer way to say it that encompasses everything it needs to. It simply has. My family has been put though the ringer and then some. I actually cannot think of a worser year. For a long time now I've been coining this year "The year from hell but the year from heaven". Nothing has felt safe or stable this year...nothing. Our family had been under a huge attack...a story that is not mine to tell as much as I want to scream and shout about it....I simply can't. But everything that we have stood for, worked towards and our core has been shattered.

Oh, my though ...do I want to let loose and word vomit about it.... Heck yes! One day maybe.... but not now. It's far too raw and we are all still traumatized. But I will say.... there is no pain felt on this earth than witnessing your child go through pain of any kind. But God is good and we know without a doubt that He will bring about good, restoration and redemption for His glory..."Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord" Romans 12: 19....that is what I'm holding on to. But in all of this awfulness we have seen and been on the receiving end of miracles from God himself. We own our house...something we never ever thought possible....and I mean EVER! To feel some kind of sense of security in this time is truly a gift from God.

I am not the same person I was at the beginning of the year. I've changed, grown up maybe.... become more of who I'm meant to be. We have had relationships that have deepened and have been anchored. Relationships that have changed and relationships that have ended. All of which are ok. There's purpose in all and for that I'm thankful. God has a plan for all this...a plan that is good. I don't know what next year will look like...but then again does anyone really? But this I know for certain...I know who my God is, who I am in Christ, that my marriage is strong and my family is tight. I know who I can count on and who's in my corner. I know who my people are...and that's priceless

I Did it!

I hit a personal goal today.... I completed the Couch to 5km app and ran over 5km in 35mins. It's taken me 8 weeks/24 runs to get here. I know that time isn't going to win any medals but considering the mental and physical battles I have had to overcome I'm pretty stoked.

It's been quite the journey this year and pretty much the only 'me' space was if I left the house and went for a run. It appears my limit is 3x runs a week...anymore and I start injuring myself and/or I get sick (stress also doesn't help that). I wasn't going to run today...citing a headache, backache and it's too hot as my excuse. But I chose to stop listening to my whinging self and just do it! And don't get me wrong I whinge pretty much the whole time...making deals with myself such as "if you run to the end of this road you can walk" and then "nope...you've conquered some serious hard stuff...you will not be stopping!" It's pretty much me killing my flesh and mind the whole entire time as I am not a runner, I don't not have a runner's body, I am not a lean graceful gazelle more like the saggy baggy elephant (if you know that book...you'll get my drift and only I can say that thank you) .... but hey....I did it after birthing a heap of beautiful babies over the years ...I did it! So, in my eyes I won and I'm pretty darn happy with myself!

Chillax

Couch, Kids in Bed, Wine, Living Alaska

Just taking a moment to chillax before I head off to bed. Trying not to think about my day tomorrow.... Tomorrow, we hold our first workshop day for our new initiative 'Kaiawhina'. I'm both excited and nervous. We have such beautiful ladies on board that are volunteering themselves for this role...I'm absolutely positive they will be such a blessing to our community.

What you may not know 'Kaiawhina' has always been part of the Loving Arms original vision, but it's taken five years for my vision to come to fruition. And now it's here.... teetering on the brink of it being out there for all to see and for some to experience. Can you see why I'm nervous?

My heart longs for every mother to feel valued, feel beautiful, feel seen, feel like the count and matter, feel cared for and feel loved.... especially our precious gorgeous new mamas. Kaiawhina is the beginning for the mamas we'll serve ....to see themselves and feel this way! Because EVERY mother deserves this!

If you're the praying type...please pray for a fantastic day tomorrow.... hopefully I'll remember to take some pics!

Always Watching

 I do hope you hear my heart and how this post was intended to be received.

This guy feigned sickness today.... but seeing as I was flying solo this morning I didn't fight it. And typically, when the kids are sick mama has stuff to do. With an appointment in Cambridge and a bunch of drop off in Hamilton...it was going to be a long, boring day driving around. But with a promise of McDonald's, they happily came along. Let's be honest though we hadn't even left town and they were complaining. After a myriad of stops and waiting in the car we got to my last drop off in a dubious part of town.

Jesse decided he wasn't having a bar of waiting for me, so he got out and claimed he was coming with me. I didn't even get a chance to argue. So, I called over my shoulder to Jayden saying if I wasn't back in ten minutes to call the police (just being honest).

We walked down the long driveway and after asking neighbors we found the right house. A big burly gentleman came out to meet us. I loaded him up with the boxes of baby stuff, made small talk and we left. We were halfway up and Jesse who was quite quiet suddenly said to me "mum you're a good parent"...I was taken back and then I asked why he thought that. He simply said, "because you save babies...all the babies". I actually teared up even though this isn't an accurate interpretation of what I do.

So, here's my point...kids. Kids are always always watching, listening and taking everything in. They know. And I know this thought can be scary.

But even though he feigned sickness and missed a day's 'learning'.... if what he learnt and witness today was service, an unconditional-no-strings-attached, Christ kind of love...then I'm all for it and I'll consider it a win. My hope for my children is not academics or sport prowess but of beauty, respect, joy, character, commitment, compassion, work ethic, love and a relationship with God Almighty. To me that is success.

Time for Prayer

This morning and what will be every Monday morning a small group of faith-filled people gathered just inside the college gate. Standing in a loosely formed circle that can and will easily make room for more faith-filled people. Heads bowed and undeterred by the freezing cold and the threatened rain we prayed. Each and every one in agreement with the other and the Word of God. All praying for the college, its students and its teachers.... praying for inclusion, love, culture-change, hope and growth. Praying that no one feels alone, unloved or hopeless. Praying for the burden that the teachers feel and carry for their students. Praying for the love of the Heavenly Father, God Almighty Himself will invade and bring the kingdom to earth.

Truth is guys, school isn't what it used to be, there more hurt, more confusion, more chaos, more brokenness than ever before...a true reflection of our society. Schools need our prayers...desperately.

I firmly believe out of the obedience of one girl who heard Gods prompting to pray for her school.... that this circle won't stay this size, that we will see miracles happen and people touched, and many saved. We will see 'Thy Kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven'

If you are local and would like to join our band of merry men and women.... young or old...it doesn't matter. We would love to see you. Its only 20mins.