Look at Him Go!

I am having trouble finding the right words to express how I am feeling about seeing this photo that was posted on our church page by our senior pastor

While we have been in the midst of all these new beginnings and big changes...my husband has been out of the country on a mission trip. It's his first time in Indonesia, his first time preaching through an interpreter and his first time being away from us for such a long time. We miss him. I know the kids miss him and can't wait for him to get back so they can share their excitement in starting school.

I have truly felt the faithful prayers of the saints during this time. Knowing that I have such an amazing church family, awesome friends and supportive family has made this huge mountain a mere grassy knoll.

I was really challenged watching a documentary about the Hillsong worship team where they were interviewing one of the wives and when asked about how she felt about her husband being gone for such long periods of time she simply said, "I see this as my sacrifice for my God...to let him go and for me to stay and to do my role (as a mother) well". As she said those words, they jolted through my spirit...for this is to be my sacrifice too....to stay and do my role the best that I can. Mother, home maker, leader, friend, daughter, event organizer, school mum.... I will do my best..."as unto the Lord" Colossians 3:23

Happy School Days

Schools in!

First day of school done and dusted! I am so proud of these three as they handled it like pros!

I feel very blessed that we have such an awesome support network. I really struggled with the thought of having to do the first day without Jamie by my side and not around for the next few weeks. But with the help of awesome family and friends and the faithful and powerful prayers of many we made it and I say not only made it but I reckon we aced it!

We are very blessed to have an awesome Christian school here where we live. I am in love with the learning environment they have created for the kids.

So, here's to our new season!

Ps I only cried once and that was when I walked through the door at church after being called in "urgently " only to find a bunch of awesome friends who threw a surprise morning tea and sung "Happy School Days" to me!

Little Shoes

In a little over a week these sandals will be occupied by the two small feet of my youngest son as he embarks in his first day of school.... like actual school.... you know the one you go to not just do at home with mum. He is excited. That makes me happy and sad. And I am feeling more than a little reflective about that. Sometimes being such a reflective person isn't all that great as one can get caught up in their own thoughts as one digs and digs around asking questions of oneself like "why do I think that?" or "what is the real issue here?" or more importantly "God what is it you are trying to teach me?"

I must have a lot of lessons to learn. Along with the purchasing of three school uniforms, school bags and lunch boxes.... (because who has those things when you school at home and a giant family size chilly bin does the trick when you go out as a family) .... I have slowly started to de-homeschool and purge things, books, activity sheets as I move from area to area. Part of me wants to keep everything just in case. Just in case what...I don't know. Perhaps I secretly think it might not work out and that I can always go back? But like Elisha burning his plow and slaughtering his oxen as a sign of 'there is no going back now!' .... I won't be. This is it. God has made it very clear that I am not to do this anymore and that our season is over.

He has other things for me and homeschooling just doesn't fit our family anymore. As a recovering 'care-what-people-think' girl I am fighting hard against worrying about what other people might be thinking or saying about the reasons why we would make such a sudden change. I KNOW that we are walking in obedience and that is all the matters. But can I just say that sometimes even when we know it's totally the right thing to do...it's hard...so hard. So, at the moment as we count down the days until school start, I am just doing one moment at a time, one step, one day keeping my eyes solely on the One who loves me and my family.

"My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth" Ps 121:2

A Mumma's Heart

Oh be still my mama heart!

We visited the younger kids' school yesterday so they could meet the teachers and see their classrooms and officially hand in our enrollment forms. Jesse clearly fell in love with where he would be....so much so that he has asked to go NEXT term with the girls instead of waiting until next year like I had planned. But he's so little!!! I couldn't really say no now could I.

So today we headed up and fitted the three of them out in school uniforms. How cute they looked too. Honestly though one half of me is struggling (possibly the flesh side) the other side feels very excited as we embark into this new season.

There are of course things that I am worried about as we venture forth...they are never far from my mind BUT if our God is for us then who and what can stand against us. I think what I love and most definitely what God loves more is my utter dependance on Him. Him who holds my hand, Him who loves my children even more than I do, Him who provides, Him who comforts and gives me peace and Him who calls me out if the boat and guides me with His voice and His Word. One can't help but feel comfort in that don't you think?

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” - Deuteronomy 31:8

Oh, My Heart

Unsubscribing

Slowly, slowly, I have been unsubscribing myself to ALL the unschooling and home-schooling emails, sites, blogs, pages and unfollowing accounts. Sorry folks...it's not you it's me. This new season calls for me to be 150% walking forward and not looking backwards or longing for what was once occupying every thought I had. I was finding it difficult and feeling incredibly sad and guilty for having decided to send the kids to school EVEN though it has been very clear that this is what God was asking us to do. So, I am removing myself from those things that are no longer beneficial for me...not at all bad things but they aren't good for me.... right now.... in this season of saying goodbye to the homeschooling mama part of me. Like I said it's me not them.

I will never be anti-homeschooling just as I was never anti-school...it's about doing what's best for you and your family in the current season that you are in.

I remember feeling quite lost when we brought the kids home... out of school.... feeling like I had no "group" that I could be a part of or identify with. But I didn't need to worry I quickly became the 'homeschool mum'. Weirdly I never thought I let that title define my identity, but it's become apparent that I had. And now that I have been called to give up that identity I have felt lost again.

We all find so much solace in these identities which come from what we do but not in who we are. Maybe if we walked more in who we are we would be unshakable when change comes a calling.

Hello, I am a daughter of the most high King, Jesus follower, fearfully and wonderfully made, wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend.

Nice to meet you.

And Breathe!

 Yesterday I shared that we as a family are going through some changes and are facing some more time of transitioning from the old season into a new one. ** please someone remind me to breathe** As part of this new season God has been prompting us but mostly me into sending the kids back to school. I say mostly me because Jamie has felt this for a while...I well I just didn't want to admit it if I was completely honest. (And that is a whole other story) For me it screamed failure.... which I now know is a lie. It simply means that now the season is over.

When Jamie got ordained in July it signaled the end of one season and the beginning of a new one. While he was the one that was ordained as a pastor the ministry got both of us....and that partnership comes with its own expectations, challenges and opportunities. Loving Arms is growing busier and expanding at a rate far beyond my expectations and vision....and it's nowhere near finished yet....and honestly, I have felt like I am drowning at times. The to-do list is an arm's length. Don't get me wrong I am definitely not complaining about it....it's a good thing. It's a God thing.

There is so much more I could share in and around this decision...far more than this space will allow. I have a huge bag of very mixed emotions that need sorting through as I journey through this time of transition. Let's go!

I hope the school is ready for us! 

Changing Seasons

God has been teaching me a lot lately...well I should say gently nudging me in areas that I have needed to take a good look at.

If you have been following me for a while you'll know that we have been called into a new season and with new seasons some things from the old season cannot be brought along. Urgh sometimes leaving behind the old is so hard. So hard.

These flowers are from a beautiful dear friend from her mama heart to mine. From a friend who knows that change in seasons and all that brings is tough, a bag of mixed emotions and thoughts and is willing to hold my hand through this. I'll need A LOT of hand holding.