I Love My Family

Today, I'm feeling somewhat sad. Last year in Queens Birthday weekend we moved my mum out of her house that she's lived in for 38 years. My dad and her built that house and we moved in in 1984. My mum went to stay with my sister. I'm picking that she never thought she would die within 9 months. That she never got to live in her unit she was building out the back of my sister's house, that when in Queenstown it would be the last time, she saw my family altogether.

I spent the last weekend at my sister's house going through the last of her things.

How sad that when someone does there are just things.... random things. Like the tins of buttons, jars of paper clips and drawing pins. I brought back six glasses she had kept that she wanted to use in her new tiny home. They make me sad...that she never got to use them again.

It does make you want to live the very best life you possibly can. Love each other, hug your spouse and hug your kids. Deeply love them.

Every single time I see a monarch butterfly it makes me think of my mum.

Seen here with her 13 grandchildren!

1st Day of School

Our baby started school today!! What a day she had! She already told her teacher that she knows how to count to 100 and knows how to learn!

We are so thankful that she and her siblings get to attend our local Christian School. Knowing that they are being taught scripture, songs and Gods truth throughout the day. This is not something we take for granted. In a world that is growing more and more unstable.... we are blessed to send her here.

I cannot believe she is 5 and at school!! Where did those five years go!!

What a way to Eat

One of my latest reads....an excellent book by the way! Its fill with a commonsense way of eating.

For years since I was a teenager I totally bought into the diet culture and done ALL the diets in order to look a certain way. If we look back into the 1950s and further back than that we notice that not too many people were overweight. Why? Because they ate wholefoods, in their proper form. Raw milk, eggs, tallow/animal fat, cheese and animal organs (especially if you grew up on a farm) little sugar and little process food. They moved more in their daily life, didn't fear the sun and spent more time outside.

Fast forward to now.... I'm have a hypothyroid problem. Which means I just need to look at the wrong type of food...well you catch my drift. With the introduction of seed oils, plant-based milk and food and low-carb diet.... our metabolism are suffering. I've done plant-based, keto, fasting, high intensity exercise, prolonged cardio and everything else you could think of. Now as a woman in my 40s... I am reaping the un-rewards of those choices. Now I'm focusing of healing my metabolism by eating all the good things. No food group is off limits...apart from seed oils and for me gluten as it mimics an antithyroid enzyme.

I am no longer cold all the time, my thyroid has stabilized, no brain fog, more energy and I have more even moods. I am eating meat, eggs, animal fats even animal organs.... all the good food. If you look at what the French eat...you'd be surprised at the very low incidents of cancer, diabetes and heart disease. I do weights three times a week and that's it and move my body more.

Is the weight falling off....no but it's not getting any worse. I have to remind myself it's taken me years to get here plus I have had eight kids...this ain't going to be an overnight fix. My focus now is healing my hormones, my metabolism...life is too short to make myself sicker.

What A Gift

The Word, my favorite three-year-old, coffee and mid-morning sun. It couldn't have been better...what a gift!

Every single day we get gifts from God above. Sometimes/most of the time we are too busy to recognize them. Gifts that are hidden in the normal everyday-ness of our lives. Can you find them?

As parents we can get caught up in the world's culture that parenting is hard. But hard doesn't mean it's bad. Yes, we are raising our babies without a village, yes, we are raising babies with working grandparents or broken networks of families.... that's tough. But I reckon we are starting to believe the lie of the world that leads us to focus solely on ourselves. Me me me and more me!

It's time to take a look at what we are believing about our kids and parenting, what the Word says and how we can apply it to our lives.

"“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.”

- Ps 127:3

As Charlie sat across the table from me, she looked up at me and smiled and said what she always says, "I like to go by you mum". Which means she goes wherever I go. I love this.... what a true gift from heaven!

Blessings to you

Merry Christmas everyone!

I thought that I would share the benediction that Jamie shared this morning at Sunday's church service.

Gods' richest blessings on you all

The Lord bless you and keep you;

May the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you.

May the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.

May the love of the Father, the tenderness of the Jesus, and the presence of the Holy Spirit always be on your heart and bring peace to your day.

May God the Father be with you on your journey.

May Jesus be the guide to your footsteps.

May the Holy Spirit strengthen you, as they watch over you, on every road that you may take over this holiday period.

May the love of God uphold you and the wisdom of God always lead you.

May God’s whisper cheer you on, and may God be the shield that protects you,

May the beauty of God be reflected in your eyes, the love of God be reflected in your hands, the wisdom of God

be reflected in your words, and the knowledge of God flow from your heart, that all might see, and seeing, believe

May your holiday be blessed by moments of quietness, strength in your weakness, grace in your meekness,

joy in your gladness, peace in your stillness.

May your holidays be blessed

If Not Now, When?

I don't know about how you are doing in this time...but for me and my family we are on our knees. You only need to leave your front door, and the entire country is blinded by Cxxxd talk. Frankly I am tired of it. There are other things happening in this world, there are other things that matter in this country. What is happening in this country is WRONG. If not now when is a good time to pray? When is a good time to seek the LORDS face? When is a good time to immerse yourself in scripture? When is the time to seek TRUTH? So, I encourage you...pray for your family, pray for your friends, pray for your community and pray for your country. Presently we still have God mentioned in our national anthem.... now is the time to be singing it over our country. We have strayed very far away from God....now is a good time to get on our knees...don't you think?

(Lyrics from What if His People Prayed by Castings Crowns)

What if the armies of the Lord

Picked up and dusted off their swords

Vowed to set the captives free

And not let Satan have one more

What if the church for heaven's sake

Finally stepped up to the plate

Took and stand upon God's promise

And stormed hell's rusty gates

What if His people prayed

And those who bear His name

Would humbly seek His face

And turn from their own way

And what would happen if we prayed

For those raised up to lead the way

Then maybe kids in school could pray

And unborn children see light of day

What if the life that we pursue

Came from a hunger for the truth

What if the family turned to Jesus

Stopped asking Oprah what to do

He said that they would hear

His promise has been made

He’s answered loud and clear, Yeah

If only we would pray

If My people called by My name

If they'll humble themselves and pray

If My people called by My name

If they'll humble themselves and pray

(Lyrics from What if His People by Casting Crowns)

2 Chronicles 7:14

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

Say Yes

Our world is chaotic and hurting right now. Viruses, wars and fires can make anyone feel helpless and lost. 

When the harshness of this world creeps around seeking to derail we must become softer, gentler, love fiercely, nurture more, be kinder and step lightly with more grace and mercy. Smile with your eyes. 

Notice tiny flecks of beauty as you go. The dapple of early morning sunlight through the trees. The conversations of the birds in the trees. The first flowers of spring. The cool dampness of the grass under your feet, the crunch of gravel as cars slows at intersections. The butter yellow flower that has grown through the cracks in the concrete. The warm later winter sun soothing away woes. 

Bring yourself fully to where you are right now and invite God to join you. Tell Him your secrets, your dreams.... your worries. He wants to know. Pray for those who you love and those you don't.

Create. Bake. Read. Cook. Sew. Paint. Sing. Dance. Say yes. 

Be soft to be strong. Don't let the harshness and uncertainty of these times steal anymore from you. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10 v10

God's Word

The Word. God speaks to us through His Word. A place for me to find truth, comfort, discipline and healing. 

I haven't felt like writing much over the last wee while.... I've needed the space to heal and to be and healing didn't need to be public. Truth be told.... I've been grieving. While God clearly told us that we would be moving on from our church for over 15 years....to look at church in a totally different light and serving our community and wider body of believers, not just one particular place. I still grieved and have been working through the trauma that I've been carrying around with me for the past few years. Leaving a church is like leaving your family. You lose the community that we once were so invested in. You lose connections and friendships. It's especially hard when people don't understand, don't stop to ask why or turn their back on you because they are hurt you've left.

Church hurt is a real thing....and its brutal. If we were to be honest, I'm sure anyone who belongs to a church has experienced it to some degree and maybe even caused it to some degree.... just like family. It's important to understand that it's never God that hurts but imperfect people inside a imperfect institution. It's important to know that God still loves us even though we continually fall short. He never changes. Always is the same.

As I navigate this weird time...my safe place is in His Word. Seeking His face. His Word is my winnowing fork.

"His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor, gathering his wheat into the barn and burning up the chaff with unquenchable fire.” - Matthew 3:12

Sifting through everything I have ever been taught from church leaders by reading His Word, searching for His truth has been an interesting journey.... because knowing His Word and what it says is what matters to me most. 

I continue to love my husband, my family and anyone who comes across my path.... because loving God and loving people is what matters most. This journey has been hard but oh so rewarding as we've had the time and opportunity to meet some beautiful people that if we hadn't left, I highly doubt we would be in relationship with now.

Mumma's Guilt

 Isn't though?? Anyone who tells you differently is lying. 

We feel guilty quite frequently...you name it we feel guilty for it. When we were a home-schooling family, I felt guilty I wasn't earning an income, felt guilty we couldn't give our kids the latest and greatest. Now that I'm a working mum...I still feel guilty. 

To be honest after 18 or so years of being a stay-at-home mum.... getting back into the workforce (into a job I have created) I am struggling. I'm struggling with not being with Charlie at home.... (she's with her dad or me). I feel like I'm failing my children by not being a homemaker. I feel my house is a place to eat and sleep...not a home like it was. I don't have time to bake; I don't have the energy or desire to craft or make.... the washing piles up; dinners are decided at 5pm and my house isa mess. Goodness I can't remember the last time the kitchen floor was mopped. Everything that I consider homely.... I'm struggling with not being able to do like I use to.

Jamie and I are tag teaming it every single day.  I work. He works.  He helps me.  I help him. I know it's the season we are in....and I am thankful that we have a solid relationship with a common goal at the forefront of our minds.  He really is the most hands-on dad, husband.... home dad ever!

I am also thankful that our kids are on this journey with us. They've seen God move in the most miraculous ways.... but seriously if someone could fold my washing and bake biscuits for me, I'd be happy. 

I don't think mum guilt ever goes away...ever! We just have to work through it. But let's keeping talking about with our friends....let's keep each other in check. Because there's nothing worse in doing the mum thing alone!

My Favourites

Every single year I read two books. Under the Tuscan Sun and Bella Tuscany. Both written by Frances Mayes.

Every single time I glean more depth out of these books. A way to travel, my sense of escapism and I get to appreciate the authors mastery if the English language. Peppered throughout with delectable recipes that I can almost taste.... the pop of dark purple grapes, the roasted nuttiness of freshly harvested pine nuts and the heady aroma of basil growing just outside the kitchen door. I can feel the height of the summer Tuscan sun, the rich earthy-ness of the soil and the coolness of the marble bench tops.

They leave me with a yearning to eat, to drink and to enjoy long lunches and dinners late into the night with good friends and friends of friends.

I don't know if it's the way the author writes but life appears slower.... relaxed and laid back. I sense within myself that is exactly what my heart is yearning for.

So, here's me enjoy the Sunday sun on this beautiful winter's day.

What are you up to?

3 Years

3 years! 3 years of nourishing and nuturing her from myself. We did well and It's by far the longest I have ever breastfed any of my babies. Perhaps it was because she was my baby...maybe it was because she was too insistent that we continue....maybe it was because I secretly enjoyed the one on one special time I had with her at night.

But it was time. Time to for my body to belong to myself. Time for my body to rest and recuperate.  Its been through a lot and it needs some tender loving care going forward. 

For weeks we have been talking about when she's three there will be no more. Her milk will all be gone.  I fed her a sneaky day snuggle on her birthday because....well why not. I feed her to sleep and twice throughout the night and when she woke. Cherishing the slowness of those early morning hours. I knew to purposely take stock of this precious time. 

And now we are done. We snuggled last night going to sleep...she held them in her hands and I bored her to sleep with a ocean documentary I was watching.  She woke once, not crying but asking for them on and off for well over an hour. In the end we held hands and she went to sleep. 

When she woke she was quite proud of herself that now she's a big girl. She celebrated with a hashbrown...I celebrated with a store bought coffee! 

Its definitely an end of an era. No more babies, no more breastfeeding. Jamie brought me a necklace when I finished feeding Frankie....cos she was supoose to be our last. But God had other ideas and blessed us with Charlie Grace. I am so blessed to have been able to feed 8 amazing children for a total of 13 years!

So blessed indeed!

Happy Easter

Holidays like Easter and Christmas invoke a sense of nostalgia, a sense of tying one generation to another and me the conduit. Traditions do not need to cost a lot....it's a simple act of putting effort into an activity to create meaning at a particular time. 

Today being Good Friday.... the mood is quiet and reflective.  It calls for a slowing down and turning inward. 

Easter is just as important as Christmas in the Christian faith.... without the events that happened we would forever be separated from God. We would have no hope.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son that whoever believes in Him shall have eternal life" John 3:16

As part of our family traditions, we make "Pa Jakes Famous Easter Muffins" ....and seriously there is NOTHING like having faded and batter splattered handwritten recipes!! We'll eat these along with Hot Cross buns this afternoon!

What does Easter mean for you? How do you celebrate?

Autumn Love

Loving this autumn light! As the sun starts to sit lower in the sky it starts to throw its more cosier more comforting light around. I LOVE that. Hands up who else thinks the sun feels different?

I love me a good slow Sunday afternoon. For me it's a time to read, to think, to enjoy and to be thankful of the good things that God has blessed us with.

Our family, well mainly Jamie but we will be alongside him....is starting a new and exciting chapter. Jamie has taken up a new part-time role as Community Worker for the Presbyterian Church....connecting with our community, doing pastoral care outside of the churches four walls and creating new ways for people to connect with Jesus that doesn't necessarily mean church on a Sunday. For a long time, we have both been challenged by the example that Jesus set before us, who went out into the world, got alongside the people, connected with them, served them, loved them, cared for and ministered to them right where they were.... wherever that was.

I so love how God works.... we left Zion church back in September after we felt called to leave and 'go' and 'serve' our community. It was hard for some to understand. But God knew all along that this opportunity, this role, one that resonates deeply within our hearts was coming to us. We are both amazed yet not. God is orchestrating something beautiful and its exciting...but it takes faith and obedience even if it doesn't make sense at the time.

So, our lives will get all the more interesting from after Easter...but it is good and beautiful. God is good.

Barefoot

Ok don't look too closely at my feet....I have "small hairless hobbit like" feet...BUT thankful they get me from A to B.

Spent some time today barefoot and outside before the heavens opened in drenched the land. My backyard was the closest I could get to nature today. I call it grounding. Grounding helps with all sorts of things.... I've been battling a headache all day and generally feeling anxious. My husband will tell you I'll find things to worry about. Today it's our massively long waiting list Loving Arms has for cots and car seats. It actually hurts that I can't provide safe sleeping spaces and safe travelling spaces for these precious babies. When you see the gap between the haves and the have nots and you hear the stories.... well, my heart hurts.

So, my mission is to collect tools to help me...not feel overwhelmed, not have heart hurts and not to feel anxious. To put better boundaries in place for myself. I'm not a huge fan of the term self-care.... but you catch my drift.

So, I have some friends that will help me with tools, I've booked in a day to spend with my best friend...but any suggestions that YOU'VE found helpful.... send them this way.

A Girl On A Swing

Just a girl on her swing.

She would probably have me push her all day if she I let her. It's her most favorite thing to do!

Today has me thinking about seasons...quite fitting seeing as we are closing the chapter on Summer and opening the chapter on Autumn tomorrow. But the change of seasons has been in the wind for a while now.... the chirping of the crickets, the ripening of the pumpkins and the cool autumn breeze that has been subtly chasing the summer sun in the early morning and as the sun puts itself to bed.

I personally love the changing seasons.... new seasons brings new things to look forward to. Right now, I find myself excited for the cooler nights, the autumn colours and crispness of the air. Each season brings its own high notes....and of course its low notes...all which takes adjustments in how we live life.

As our family embarks on a new (and exciting) season.... there are things that I'm curiously excited for, things that are still hidden.... and things I'm still sad about leaving behind.

But in everything I do know for a fact.... that God himself has brought us to this place, it will be good and it will be for His glory. Jamie and I prayed a prayer long ago...that we were His and we wanted to live our lives doing as He directed us...whatever that may look like. A brave but scary prayer....and one God will most certainly take you up on.

Changing seasons are good, they are essential to growth. Read that again ESSENTIAL! Nothing and no one will grow without change.

Enjoy the last of the summer sun but welcome in the crispness of autumn. It is good.

Xx

Detoxing

All mamas spend their Friday night cooking a weeks' worth of food for their son, don't they??

Don't fret.... I NORMALLY wouldn't be doing this but our eldest us following the Eczema Detox diet....and we are a week in.

So, its lentil patties, roast veges (potatoes, leeks, Brussel sprouts and garlic), sesame-free hummus, caramelized leeks and spelt pear muffins. Ok ok ok it may sound gross, but I've tasted it all and its quite yummy. And he's been on it for a week and there's been no complaints.

We have been working on eliminating amines, salicylates and glutamates that are found naturally in certain foods.

Once we've detoxed from them, we will introduce them back one by one to see how we get on.

Not a quick fix but a deep one. Here's hoping he'll last the distance

Family Ties

I firmly believe that its traditions that tie us to our past and to our future.

As a couple there are traditions that we brought into this marriage, there are things that we have created together as a family....and look out if you try to change it or skip it. The kids won't let you.... EVER!

They in turn will bring those into their own marriages and families and will create their own.

But sometimes it things too don't you think....

For me its Grandmas button tin which I have. Does anyone have button tins now? A myriad of colours, sizes and shapes. Some are new, most are cut from clothes that are ruined and discarded. I remember sewing on her Singer Pedal Sewing machine.

There is one thing that I so desperately wished I inherited...it was her flour bin. Actually, more a vessel...a large pottery urn shaped thing with a wooden lid that fitted snuggly onto the top. It could hold an entire 5kg bag of flour. I have no idea what happened to it which makes me so sad...as I remember burying my hands into and playing with the soft flour while she baked. Terribly unhygienic I know.

I've been on the lookout for a flour vessel that's not plastic and finally settled on a glass jar...not quite big enough to hold a 5kg bag of flour. But every time I look I fondly think of her.

Is there an item or two that ties you to a loved one or to the past?

Love, Love, Love

I love taking photos even though I don't have a camera apart from my phone. I love capturing memories, moments, expressions and emotions. I do wonder if I was on the other side of the camera what people would capture of me.... probably tears as I cry over EVERYTHING.

It's been quite the reflective day for me today. Wondering in this current climate have I done the right thing with going back to work. Have I done the right thing by my children? What will the little ones remember of me in these days?

As we look around the suffering of the world....it creates an uneasiness in our hearts. What are we to do? My answer.... LOVE!

In fact, it's actually my word for the year ...L'Amour. Love. Passion.

Love my husband well, love my children how they need in the moment with all of my being. Love my family, love my friends, love what I do, love the dear people who I serve, love my home, my work but most of all my God...who without Him I would have none of it. None of it at all.

"I am blessed. There is no doubt.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." - James 1:17

I encourage you all to stop looking at the goings on that surround us in the world but to Him who is the source of absolute peace and love.

Love who you've been blessed with to journey this life with, love where you are, what you have and who you are.

Nothing else really matter...does it?!

Silly Dog

I've never been a dog person. I don't like them sniffing, licking or jumping.

But this dog...this one has wriggled her way into my heart and claimed her place in our family. And I never knew how much so until she got lost hunting.

When Jamie came back to camp in the pouring rain after being away for hours and said...."I've lost the dog".... I fully felt my heart in my mouth beating so fast. I said, "you need to find her.... you need to". Memories came flooding back to the time when she was mauled by a dog off its leash and she nearly died. I knew members of my family would be devastated if she was gone.

Jamie collected my eldest son and went back out into the pouring rain to search the hilly bush knowing full well any scent she may have been able to track will have been washed away but the downpour.

Hours passed and all I could do was pray. Frankie cried ALOT and made Dixie a card while camped out in our tent saying she hoped she was ok. Finally, Casey came back without her and heartbroken. It hurts so bad to see your kids in that much heart pain. More family went out in vehicles looking for her too....it was still bucketing down. After six hours since she took off after a deer she spooked...Jamie found her soaked to the bone, shivering and tangled around a tree by her lead.

I've never been so pleased to see a silly dog in my life. They truly truly do become a part of your family.

The worst thing.... knowing she was lost and not knowing what had happened to her. Knowing that driving away and leaving the area without her really just wasn't an option I was willing to entertain.

God is good....and most certainly cares for those things we love.... even dogs.

Merry Christmas

Always at the beginning of each year, I ask God to give me a word or words for the year. Last year it was Nourish & Nurture....this year it was Grit & Grace.

Really those two words are absolute perfect bookends for what has been ...well quite the year for all of us.

I mentioned a few posts back that my life looks completely different as it did at the beginning of the year. Not bad but very different.

I've needed GRACE with myself, with my family and others as everyone adjusts to our new normal. Grace upon grace.

I've needed GRIT to push through some really hard things.... things that have grown and changed me. To be honest I think we've all need GRIT and GRACE to get through this year.

My lesson here I think...is that while things maybe hard...it doesn't mean it's bad. Hard doesn't just equal bad. It's just hard. Hard could also be good.

I'm looking forward to the new year dawning filled with opportunity and newness. Some might say hope...but hope doesn't come in the form of a new year, a new job or new anything....

Hope comes in the form of our Savior Christ Jesus....not only hope but also peace, love and joy. And we all need an abundance of those things in our lives, don't we?

For He is the reason for the season.

So, from my family to yours....

Merry Christmas and a safe and happy New Year.

Sharni xx